I have been with my husband 11 years and married for 7, we have a beautiful 14 month and I have recently found out im pregnant with my second child despite taking precautions. Our marriage has been rocky for a few years. Due to his occupation we move location every few years and he is often away for periods of time. As well as the work pressures i almost lost him a few years ago due to Ill health. However this is all minor compared to his family being a third wheel in our relationship. He admits they have never been a normal family but it impacts on us- they travel 3 hours and turn up unannounced expecting to stay including at the birth of our first child (regardless of my wishes), they have intimidated me in my own home, threatened me in public (thankfully security have been called several times), constant digs and put downs, sent wedding invites without telling or consulting me, incredibly intense and overpowering, like to tell me he's there son even at 42 and nothing will ever take him away from them (im not the one giving ultimatum infact a few years ago I encouraged him to fix a rift that had developed due to their attitude to him), threatened my family..... the list is endless. Yet my husband cannot see it, he phones them for at least an hour every night and ignores his child, despite having very little in common with them. Recently they have had him sign an agreement that when they pass his inheritance is not to used on anything that to do with me.... our home, holiday, cars- anything. Instead he must buy our daughter property and take the rental income for his own pension..... I don't want anything to do with their wealth as I know how they came about it but this just reinforced that they are trying to drive a wedge but yet my husband let's them. They tell me to jump my husband asked how high and expects me to conform. I genuinely live in fear of opening the door or the phone ringing and it being them. I can not portray in words how manipulating and cold my inlaws are and this description does not even touch what they have done to establish this fear I have of them. Yet others have witnessed the jekyll and Hyde attitude to me with and without my husband present.
My husband and I have argued for a while about them as they can do no wrong in his eyes, even with this latest revelation he cannot see its not normal behaviour for people who swear to him they 'approve' of me. But it's clear he has acceptance issues with them and is always trying to prove he's worthy to them. I am a self earning women and have been told I need to secure my own future for later years now by my husband despite the fact i pay for myself and my daughter out of my own part time salary already despite him being on 3 times my wage. I have never taken money offf him yet its a safwty net incase im struggling. This set up is no longer a marriage however as I feel like a commodity. We have grown apart and they have driven a massive concrete wedge between us through time. I suppose what I'm getting at is im only staying for my children.
If we split there will be 5 hours travelling between us so they won't see their father that often, school holidays and seasonal holidays they may begrudge due to travelling to see him. But I know they would be better off if i left him as they would have a mother who is finally happy and relaxed and a home enviornmwnt that wasn't tense. My husbands a good man but the love has been gone for a while and his mannerisms are now starting to mimic his parents. I know it's time to go but i'l eventually have 2 under 2 and im petrified of if i will cope. He has said on many occasions when he has walked out and said it's done that he would buy me a house as my settlement so living arrangements im not worried of, but I am if my children will begrudge me for it. How i will cope financially on my own salary without my children going without and how others will look at me. My confidence is in tatters now and people judging me as a pregnant newly single woman does scare me. I suppose im asking do I stay for the kids? or do I leave? Sorry for the rambling I'm so confused.