Single Mums - how do you manage your weekends

[Earlybird]

Tell me about your weekends. Is there rhyme or reason to what makes a good one, and one that drives you mad?

Our family is dd (6) and me, with no ex on the scene and no family in this country. Sometimes we run around on weekends with birthday parties, seeing friends, park/playground jaunts, museum visits, etc. Sometimes when we're at home I do chores - washing, ironing, more time consuming cooking, sorting/organising/throwing out, etc. And sometimes I need to do a bit of work - whether paying bills/sorting household projects, or doing catch up work related to my job.

But sometimes I want to just relax and potter around at home without an agenda or schedule. When we do that, some weekends are lovely, happy times. And sometimes we have a tug of war of the wills - me wanting some quiet downtime, and dd constantly pestering me for attention/involvement. She seems to think that if I'm sitting down, I should be playing with her/directing an art project, etc. Things can escalate with her becoming more demanding, me becoming more irritable, and that's horrible for both of us.

I haven't figured out what triggers one or the other sort of day. But, we've already had a major whingeing moment this morning and I'm dreading a tedious day. Anyone got a secret 'successful weekend' solution to share?

My three are a little older (youngest nearly 8) Earlybird so I just tell them but it doesnt stop them pestering me.

I find using behavioural techniques works. If you leave me for an hour to myself I will take you to.... We are starting to do one big thing per term as a family next term and then I will expect some more free time at the weekend but they are demanding none the less. The oldest two also have ballet on quite a few Sundays so then I get some time with my youngest.

They all have bikes and my eldest two can now ride to the pool or take themselves into town on them which is great. Things get better honestly.

All of mine are very very active so I let them watch a fair bit of tv at weekends as well, then I get some me time!

Interesting point glitterfairy. Maybe she pesters because she wants to know where she stands - maybe she'll be patient/occupy herself if I tell her when I will play with her. So, I've just told her that I'm going to fix a big breakfast, spend some time on the computer, and then look at the newspaper a bit. After that, we'll do something together. Maybe by letting her know that 'her' time is coming, and when, the pestering/whingeing will stop. Will let you know how we get on.

And yes....telly figures into our weekend downtime too!

I shall wait with interest to see how it works out. I find negotiating teaches them to negotiate as well. My eldest two do it all the time now to me and sometimes I slip up and have agreed to things I didnt want to do myself!

Agree with glitterfairy, have also fallen into the negotiation trap.

I notice that my DS always says: "what are we doing today?" or "what are we doing tomorrow?" He obviously just feels happier knowing what's coming.

If it gets fractious, I will try and take them out - even if just for a walk, for some fresh air, it really calms them down.

But an agenda really works on mine - sorry, that's not much use if you don't want an agenda. But you can disguise your downtime as a scheduled activity for them - "after your bath, I'd like you to draw me a picture of a house, or a garden, or a Jedi battle - you choose. Or do you have a subject you'd prefer to draw?"

Earlybird , I really sympathise with you. as I am also me and my dd at home and no ex or family in this country. And I do the same as you at weekends and sometimes, like today, no plans at all.

I also struggle to have some quiet me time, or time for the chores that have to be done. My dd (nearly 40) has never been one that enjoys playing by herself for too long. She is in full time nursery where she always has other children to play with and adults are giving all the attention. So maybe this is something to do with the constant requests for involvement. this is what she is used to during the weeek. also the fact that it is just the two of us and no one else, might have something to do with it.

I do a lot of playing with her, and activities etc, don't get me wrong, I love it. She does drawing or other messy arty stuff next to me if I am on my pc so I do my thing while interacting with her.

But only TV or DVD seems to work when I need to keep her busy for longer, but I feel a bit guilty when I do this. Things got better now she is older and plays by herself for longer (she has to me in same room or same floor as me. She never stay upstairs in her room by herself. she brings the toys down - but I dont see this as a problem).

Sorry not very useful advise to give, but i will follow this closely as I am sure I need some.

obviously my dd is 4 years old , and I previewed

exrebel,
i read it as 40, lol, it made me laugh, thnx.

My dh away for long stretches so have spent countless w/ends alone with kids (2 and 6).
I find that if i build in activities,the rest of the time I can leave them to entertain themselves.
Every Saturday is horseriding then out to lunch and shopping in town.
Every Sunday is swimming then out to lunch and Sunday school.

We wake early,get organised early and have lots of time for long bathes,playing and stories in the evening.

The rst of the time,they are expected to entertain themselves.

OK, have now had a glance of the paper, cooked/cleaned up breakfast, listened to dd do reading homework, tended to dd's fingernails/toenails, put a load of washing in, played 'Lion King' imagination game with various stuffed animals, and started preparations for a roast supper. DD is now sitting on her bed with a book/story tape.

I think part of the issue is that dd has a vivid imagination and wants to engage me in playing 'pretend' games most of all. If I'm honest, I much prefer to play board games, do a jigsaw, play snap etc to crawling on hands/knees pretending to be a prowling lion or a hungry alligator. I think we sometimes have a basic difference in how we each prefer to 'play' with each other - and of course, in the absence of siblings or another adult, she looks to me to be her playmate.

I think the other thing for us single parents (or parents of travelling spouses) is that by the time we've taken care of household chores on our own, we perhaps don't have the energy or inclination for 'play time' with our dc. So to counteract that, I plan activities we both enjoy outside of home. That way, we enjoy each other by doing a shared activity - instead of me being distracted by household chores. There's always something that needs doing at home isn't there? By going out, I ensure that I focus on dd, and we really enjoy our time together.

Moondog - your post made me think. Perhaps a full day at home (even if it's only one day a week) is too much to ask of either of us. Maybe a low key outside-of-the-house activity on our 'quiet' day is the way to go....even if it's only a bicycle ride around the square or a kick around with the football.

I've just split from dh and we're still in the same house but he had dss yesterday and is just taking them to him mother's for lunch. I'm going to carry on packing and having a chill for a few hours. Had a rather eventful night last night, was out with mate and she passed out in pub loo after throwing up everywhere She must've had her drink spiked or something as it happened so suddenly. Was in A&E for hours. She's ok now but I was terrified

Anyway onto kids, my boys play really well together which is a bit of a cop out really as i don't have to interact so much. Exdh is really good at playing with them. I do cooking and baking with them and take them out too. I have friends who play really well with them, seems to come naturally. That's one part of my mother I've inherited as she has no clue about this. I am better than her though and some of dss friends think I'm just a big kid.

Things will change this week when we're in our own home. Although dss will still count here as home too and spend a lot of time with exdh.

My ex has dd every other weekend so I am able to have some quiet sitting around time then! (Lucky for me I know).

I do have family and friends around so we often go out and see them and I do think it is best when I have her for a full day, which is not just weekends but 2 days a week when I have no university, to do something for part of the day. (dd is nearly 3). So swimming in the morning, then back for lunch and nap, or similar.

It is difficult with one child as there isn't that let them play together thing. Not that it isn't difficult with more than one, but, hopefully you see what I mean.

How are you doint littlesarah? Been to any more mumsnet meet ups? I haven't but hope to again as I enjoyed the Xmas one.

Early bird mine are smilar to yours except my dds usually go to their dads one day at the w/e

Hope it went well for everyone today. I am just doing a roast as well.

Today was alright. It's tricky to find the balance of letting dd get a bit bored so she can use initiative/creativity to find something to do. I love to hear her playing with her toys using lots of funny voices. But, I find leaving her to her own devices usually means a massive tidy up at the end!

How did everyone else fare?

Hi, this is a really interesting thread forme, and to also see that manyof you have no family inthe country too!!!

Makes me feel not so 'odd'!

Today was the last day of a really long 2 weeks. ! of half term, followed by a week home oof school ill with flu, cough,fever -thats d4 not me.

it's been so long simce she went to achool I am hoping tomorrow goes ok, as we are a bit out of the loop and she's already said she's gonna miss me.

We walked to the shops in the rain, she played lots of games on her own, she has a good imagination. Um, she made me cry at one point, cos she's been so bloody bossy and orrible for days, and i snapped, ie i burst into tears.
Yet this was a good thing because she was really sweet and nice and normal for the rest of the afternoon. I dont make a habit of crying in front of her, but it seemed to give her a bit of a reality check that not every thing is about her iyswim.

Funny thing is tho, I'll miss her too tomorrow.!

Hope she was ok and so were you pirtegirl. I had a good weekend as X didnt turn up like last weekend being spooky and refusing to say what he wanted. Cant say much more here as he reads my threads and reports them to the courts!

Mine are all well at the moment thank god and touch wood have had a relatively good winter so far as there have been some pretty awful bugs around.

hello gf - do you recognise me,

nope I am rubbish at these games tell me who you are then???

ummmmmmm.................. bonjour