Struggling to accept DD's 'Father & Grandparents' don't want anything to do with DD

[NotaSnowflake]

I just can't find any way of accepting it in my mind.
There's a huuuuuuge back story of horrible events (mostly by DD's 'Father') that I can't even bring myself to type, but it involves him not being suitable for unsupervised Contact. No court order. No SS (as long as he doesn't have unsupervised contact). He then got a girlfriend and since then he hasn't seen her once. In over a year. And neither have his parents. Although they (his parents) did keep in touch via phone & Skype. Until about 7/8 weeks ago. Then all of a sudden - nothing. Not heard from them since.
I offered him a Contact centre several times but nope. It appears that because he only has 1.5 days off a week, that he would prefer to spend that time off with his girlfriend rather than drive the 70 miles to rebuild a relationship with his daughter! Either that or he is being manipulated & controlled by his girlfriend. Either way, he is still making the ultimate choice and it has absolutely DESTROYED my heart.
Of course I will never forgive him for what he's done, especially to DD. But to see my child be rejected like this, even by a twat like him, still breaks my heart. She adored him. And he seemed to adore her! They would both crawl around the house after each other. He giggled like a girl at all the funny things she did. And was fiercely protective over her.
He also very very hands on. Would have done every little bit of the hard work if I'd let him. He was so happy when he was around her. And me. Said it was the happiest time of his life when she was born and I believed him. (I still do...)
But then something just suddenly changed. He became aggressive, scary and controlling. Police were called numerous times. He just changed completely. And now it's been a year since he last laid eyes on her and I'm still crying myself to sleep over it.
Despite all he's done, for some twisted reason I still love him??? What is that about? I'm punishing myself. Torturing myself. Imagining him with her. Every time I see a sex scene on tv - it's him & his horrible girlfriend. Every time a happy memory of us flashes through my mind, I'm suddenly convinced that's what he's doing with her now. The woman he was secretly seeing for weeks whilst we were planning to rebuild our little family & try again. The horrible bitch that stole my child's daddy.....

Already tried every single AD my GP is able to prescribe and had a referral to IAPT & MHS but got nowhere. I just can't stop crying. All day every day. For the last year and for God knows how much longer...

Hello,

You've articulated it all so well. (I'm totally with you when on so many things). And you have my sympathy because this is the hardest thing in the world. In my view, it should,d be illegal for a father to walk out of his child's life like this. (My daughter's dad is a ban again bachelor and hasn't seen his daughter for 4 months now...)

Anyway, for what it's worth, here's what I learned in "talking therapy" - I found some of it helpful: 1). he is trying to hurt you, everything that he's doing is for the purpose of hurting you so protect yourself from that i.e. dont enable him to contact you, get a new phone number, don't look at his emails when they arrive, block him from your social media and block everyone who knows him and don't look at their social media etc etc. His need to hurt you will end or you will reach a point where it no longer hurts you so much. Til then, protect yourself and don't expose yourself to any of his nonsense. 2). Yes, if you feel the need for revenge, that is a normal feeling to have but don't act on it because it will only prolong the hurt and prolong the way you feel now. Accept things and concentrate on having a great life with your daughter instead.

What starlight says.

My dd hasn't seen her father since she was 2. She's almost 8 and doesn't mention him ever. She forgot him. Rarely talks about having a father.

You need to focus on yourself, forgiveness and stop hankering over the contact which clearly exposes her to a toxic bunch and a father who couldn't give a shit. Seriously why would you want that for her?

Focus on you, on healing, on being calm and focus on her xxx

I'm just biding my time. It's just the way I work. Screw me (or my child) over and one day, I'll speed karma right up. I've always been like that

They haven't destroyed your DD's life, she's a baby with no contact from her dad or his family. Thats sad but not that unusual. But if you carry on festering these paranoic fantasies of revenge, and doing nothing but dwelling on the past, you will be the one harming your daughter.
I'm not trying to be cruel to you, but it needs to be said. You need to get help, and do it now.