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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

custody rights question

13 replies

honeynut · 01/03/2007 19:59

Hi
Dont know if anyone knows the answer to this, I am seperated (18 months) and have custody of the children (in fact I have always been the main person around due to Ex's hours etc). He pays me maintanence for the children. I was wondering whether as we were married and have not yet finalised the divorce whether with "possession" I have any legal rights for being the children's main carer or whether he can just turn around and say "its my turn now".when he feels like it??? Is there anything predivorce that gives me some security that they ive and are settled with me?
any advice/experiences gratefully received.

OP posts:

DeviousDaffodil · 01/03/2007 20:06

I would ssay that you have equal rights. If you were married at the time of the childrens birth you both have parental resposibity unless a court order dicatates otherwise.

detoxdiva · 01/03/2007 20:17

Yes, you both have parental responsibility - it is always best if you can agree between you what contact he will have with your dc prior to your divorce - that way your solicitor can just make a formal contact order as part of the divorce process. If you can't agree then maybe your solicitor will suggest mediation so you can agree things between you.

Original poster

honeynut · 01/03/2007 20:23

I guess what I am worrying about - is whether he can decide to suddenly have them instead and/or just tell me he's not bringing them home (to me) after a weekend visit with him? He did threaten this once before when he was angry with me......

OP posts:

climbingrosie · 01/03/2007 21:18

He can't stop you seeing them or prevent them from coming home to thier house, and if you have always been their primary caregiver and it came down to a battle over who has main custody that would be in your favour. He would have to prove that the children would be better off with him I think.
How old are your DCs? That would also be taken into account.

If you're really worried speak to citizens advice or your solicitor.

Hopefully someone who knows a bit more about these things will be along to advise you in a bit!

ConfidenceMan · 01/03/2007 21:25

hi, i hope you dont mind me butting in.

if you ex has them for a weekend a decides he dont want to give them back you will have to take him to court to get them off him,

if you call the police they will go round and talk to him but if he still refuses there is nothing they can do because its not classed as kidnap because you handed them over to him and the police hate getting involved with things like that,

because you were married you have 50 - 50 rights over them and if you want to do something like go on holiday with the children then you will need hes promission first you both have equal rights over your child

DeviousDaffodil · 01/03/2007 21:26

Was about to say the same CMan.

ConfidenceMan · 01/03/2007 21:27

great minds think alike, lol

pirategirl · 01/03/2007 21:30

I think if you decided to take them on holida it is ok, but you arenot allowed to take them out of the country for more than 4 weeks without his say so.

My divirce has been quite simple, we both have joint parental responsibility, but in the statement of arrangements it is that have have residency of my child, which he has agreed to.
I guess if he wanted to dispute this he would have to go to court. I am not sure what would happen in the interim if he decidednot to return our child, b4 the divore it complete, but I am assuming that when it is, because I have residency then she lives with me, and should always be returned.

redshoesandmoves · 01/03/2007 21:30

If you are really worried about it, why not apply for a residency order.

pirategirl · 01/03/2007 21:31

it is that I have residency, i meant to say

Aloha · 01/03/2007 21:31

You don't need permission to take your children on holiday.
You could ask the court to give you a residence order if you are seriously worried that he will take her, though they might not grant it. You can also get contact established by the court.

Caligula · 01/03/2007 21:38

Sounds to me like you should be sitting down with your ex and talking about what care and contact arrangements you both want.

It really is bad news that he threatens to keep the kids at his place just because he's angry with you; if he really feels it's in their interests to stay with him, he should be discussing it reasonably with you, not using the threat of keeping them as a means of frightening you. That's not putting his children's needs first, it's putting his irritation with you first.

You should try and work out what sort of arrangements you're going to have, because if you don't sort it out between you, a court will do it for you. Much better to have control of the process yourselves, rather than a bunch of strangers who don't know your family deciding for you.

pirategirl · 01/03/2007 22:03

I just read up on a divorce site that if you already have a residency order in your favour you can take a child out of the country for up to one month. After that you have to have his written permission.

It also says you have to have his written permission if no residency order is in place, which is news to me. This is abraod tho.

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