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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Right, I've had it. I hope DS never EVER EVER sees his father again

38 replies

climbingrosie · 01/03/2007 13:05

I am SO angry at ex right now. I left him 3 years ago, our DS is now mearly 4. He had seen him twice, and last time was over 18 months ago!!! He has never paid a single penny maintanance and has purposefully got jobs that are cash in hand so as not to have to pay maintanance (or tax). We didn't hear from him for over a year, he didn't call/send a card or present on ds's 3rd birthday, DS completely forgot about him and never mentions him or asks about him.
Then ex calls up saying he wants to see DS, he's missing him, he wants to pay me money, wants to bring hima present for his 4th birthday, and then also mentions that he has got a job abroad and is leaving in two weeks!
I tried to explain that it wouldn't be in ds's best interests, he is happy and stable, has a loving family around him and it wouldn't benifit him to suddenly meet his daddy who then buggers off to another country.
GGRRRRRRRRrrrr, anyway, we have a few heated discussions over the phone ovewr the next few days, he thinks I'm being a b**ch and he has a 'right' to see his ds, I say yes but rights come with responsibilities blah blah blah and he owes us so much money etc.
The whole time though he never actually says 'I'm free on this and this day, can I come over?', he never asks once how ds is, what he is doing, what his interests are, or anything, nothing to show he genuinely cares about or is interested in DS as anything other than a posession.
Thrn two days before he is due to leave he calls saying can I come over now. WTF? I'm at work all day, DS at nursery etc, we can't just drop everything for him, so I say no we're busy. Big argument etc he accuses me of preventing him seeing his son, he then says ok what can I get him for his birthday? I give him a long list of options, he says he'll buy it and send it. He calls up saying he's bought x, and got a £30 gift voucher for elc, and is sending it all with a cheque for £50 for me for maintanance (so generous of him). The item he bought was NOT something on the list, but that's besides the point.

Sorry this is so long but the really annoying thing that has left me so angry is that the parcel arrived today, he has now left the country (horray) but the parcel was just a cheap card, the £6 elc present, and NO VOUCHER and NO CHEQUE for me!!!!!!! Effing w**ker. Why did he lie to me? Oh and the card says amongs other things "mummy will take you to elc to choose lots more presents with the voucher". But there is no voucher. Good thing DS can't read and won't be getting the card anyway. He has always been crap with money and a compulsive lier but this is the last straw. Over my dead body is he ever going to have anything to do with my wonderful lovely beautiful and happy DS. IMO this is unforgivable and the last straw.

(oh and conveniently for him he's moved abroad so doesn't have to pay maintanance). Someone so selfish doesn't deserve to be part of DS's life.

All off my chest. That feels better. Sorry for boring anyone.

OP posts:

lou33 · 04/03/2007 18:57

sorry i was offline all weekend

how are things today?

Original poster

climbingrosie · 04/03/2007 21:49

hey lou33, strangely I can't seem to shake this, I keep thinking about it and it makes me sooo cross. It's like my ex has thought about exactly what he thought would upset and affect me the most and then done it, just to get into my thoughts and shake our now stable life. Grrrrr
I know I should just forget about the whole thing now and put it all behind me, in the knowledge that I probably won't be hearing from him for a very long time, but it is hard.

It's so hard being a single mum sometimes, especially at the weekends!

How are you?

OP posts:

lou33 · 04/03/2007 22:45

i understand what you mean, i get times like that too

at the moment i am fortunate enough to have my bf here at weekends, but not for much longer, so i'll have more time simmering and less time discussing problems with the ex no doubt.

i'm ok tho, just tired

lou33 · 04/03/2007 22:46

with the bf about the ex i mean

colditz · 04/03/2007 22:49

WELL DONE climbingrosie for protecting your little boy against this man's behavior. I have a very nearly 4 year old myself, and I know how terribly easy to upset they can be.

Original poster

climbingrosie · 05/03/2007 11:32

Thank you conditz!It's nice to have the support of other mums

OP posts:

Original poster

climbingrosie · 05/03/2007 11:38

lou33 it's never good to have too much simmering time! I know what you mean... I try not to get too worked up about it, as I see that as the ex still having control over me, which is a horrible thought

Is your bf going to be working at the weekends then? I hope you still get to see him at other times!

I work at the weekends from home which is sooooooo hard, and I feel so guilty that DS doesn't get my full attention, he copes so well though bless him. Starting in a few weeks I won't be working at the weekends anymore though (apart from maybe a few hours when DS is in bed)

I'm tired too, need some sleep

OP posts:

lou33 · 05/03/2007 14:20

no he is emigrating, it was planned before we met

Original poster

climbingrosie · 05/03/2007 17:23

Oh no lou33, that is terrible! Even if you knew when you started seeing him, it still must be really hard for you!

Is he going far? will you still keep in touch?

sorry, ignore me if you'd rather not talk about it

OP posts:

lou33 · 05/03/2007 19:20

It's really hard, i didnt think i was going to fall for him, but what can you do eh?

He is initially in thailand getting his qualifications to be a diving instructor, then he will be working his way round the world. I dont know if he will come back, we wont lose touch but i have to assume i wont see him again, and our relationship will be over.

Anyway this thread isnt about that!

Original poster

climbingrosie · 07/03/2007 11:56

Gosh that must be hard lou! You sound like a very strong woman! I guess it's just something you have to accept, which you sound like you are doing.

Yep it's a hijack of the original topic but who cares? you said some nice supportive stuff to me when I needed it, if you ever want to talk, I (and the rest of mumsnet!) are here!

OP posts:

lou33 · 07/03/2007 16:15

Thanks, thats really nice of you

Yes i do accept it, tho i dont like it, but what can i do in reality? It's something he has wanted to do a long time before he met me, and tho i would love it if he stayed i kind of dont want him to as well, because he needs to go and at least try this new life. Then if he wants he can come back and i wont feel like i forced him to change his mind.

He knows i think this btw, i told him i wouldnt ask him to stay as i believe he needed to go. Tho i'll be bloody miserable for ages lol

Original poster

climbingrosie · 09/03/2007 09:22

When's he off?

Do you have at least a few more weekends with him?

You're right, of course you couldn't stop him going, it's just unfortunate really.

You know, my dad went off to travel the world for a year a few months after meeting my mum, similarly to your situation, he'd been planning it for ages. He wrote her letters all the time and after a year came back, and they are still together today, with five kids lol! So you never know

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