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[swift1]

Hi,

I just wondered if I could have the opinions of some mums here....

My sd is 11 1/2 and Im starting to struggle with things to do with her, when she comes over. Her younger brother is fine, he'll go play playatation, or do diy with his dad. Recently she has started to spend alot of time in her room, reading. I would like to do some one to one stuff, like her dad does with dss, She likes to cook and we will often bake a cake. But thats about it

I thought it would be nice to perhaps have a girlie eve one night with face masks, nails etc. But I not sure if this is approriate. I dont know how her mum would feel about this, am I overstepping the realtionship mark? Id hate it if someone was doing that with my dd. Also is it appropriate to be outting a face mask etc on an 11 year old. I don thave much experience with girls this age, and I dont want to go upsetting anyone.
THanks

You sound as if you all get on though so why would her mum object? The fact that you are even worrying about it is really nice.

Ask her if she would like it and get her involved in the planning. If she says no and doesnt seem interested there is your answer. Shop for the stuff with her. I have girlie nights with both my own dds and enjoy them a lot.

Thanks glitterfairy, we do get on with her mum , on the surface I guess, but she has been known to blow up at stuff sometimes. Thnigs are going really well between us and I dont want to ruin that.

What else do 11year olds like to do? She seems to have stopped playin g with 'toys' now and Im worried she'll start gettin gbored and not wnat to come anymore.

will be reading with interest
its hard isnt it?

my BF has a 9 yr old DD while I have DS nrly 5 and DD 2 1/2
its hard to keep them all occupied & my BF who has custody of his DD, forgets to bring her stuff to my house

sounds like a great idea - girls love being girly dont they

MM, we also have a 3yr dd, so it can be a juggling act at times. But dd seems quite content when they are here , she will play happily in her room. Its hard to find things for us all to do, and Im worried that as dd gets older , dsd will wamt to spend less time here, as dd she can be quite annoying, and young girls just sometimes wnat to be on their own dont they?

aw you sound like a lovely stepmom

the girlie eve with nail painting and facemasks sounds good. what about doing her hair,if its long could you get some of the tongs that make it go curly or something.beads and stuff as well.

tbh at that age i used to read in my room all day, i loved it.

ask her if shes bored, it might be that she enjoys the peace and reading her book and youre worrying that shes bored for nothing

You could rent a movie, paint nails, do each other's hair etc. I don't see any harm in that. The girly evening sounds lovely.

Could you do something 'crafty' - jewellery making or something similar?

My dd is 12 and loves shopping with me, any girly stuff going to films, reading (she has joined our local borders teenage reading group), cycling with me,going on the internet listening to music and any girly stuff she jumps at.

I think at this age they like time alone as well and being in their own rooms texting friends!

I would involve her though and have a good chat and telll her you are worried she will really respond well to that.

I told my DD just now about this thread and she said that she couldnt think of anything worse than doing this with my Xs girlfriend but then they dont have any relationship.

I think that by involving your sdd you would avoid stepping on any toes at all! My DD did say that she was impressed you had asked her experience is very poor in this area.

THanks - really I guess im worried about upsetting the dsd mum , thats why I put this thread in lone parents. I would hate for her to think, well I dont know what Id think really. I just think I probabply wouldntlike it if it were my dd. Id be thinking ; shes my daughter, not yours.

aw youre the lovely step mum, im sure her mum doesnt think youre stepping on her toes.

ive told my ex that id rather he had a girlfriend so i knew a woman would be caring for my boy (2.5yrs) when the ex has him. at least i know he'd be well cared for, my ex isnt a natural parent. he thinks its a strange request

if youre really worried, write her a little letter if you get on well with her explaining how you feel. good luck.x

Depends on the person Brandy (sorry I know I owe you an email but things have been a little crazy.

My X is with someone who all my kids loathe and that just makes everything three times worse. Everything she does is wrong and often the pair of them are their own worst enemies. Toegther they are even worse than just the one.