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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Opinions on two year old meeting a procession of new boyrfriends...

19 replies

Flossam · 24/02/2007 21:20

Several in the last few months, SIL is young and single so fair play to her, but is it really fair on her DS to do this? Or at just 2 is he too young to be worried atm?

On the one hand I appreciate it must be hard for her to have a boyfriend and time is limited so her DS kind of has to be there. On the other hand I know he has called at least one of them daddy, but again, lots of two year olds do.

I'm not trying to be judgemental but would like to hear the MN verdict on this!

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 24/02/2007 21:23

mm...how is she introducing them to her ds? As friends?

GhostOfMumsnet · 24/02/2007 21:25

i don't think it's that great but i have no basis for this. i haven't any experience of the situation

GhostOfMumsnet · 24/02/2007 21:25

i don't think it's that great but i have no basis for this. i haven't any experience of the situation

GhostOfMumsnet · 24/02/2007 21:25

sorry

Original poster

Flossam · 24/02/2007 21:29

I have to admit I'm not sure. I'm basing this purely on my own experiences as a child which are that I met one man my mother dated, the one she is still married to now.

I'm quite worried for this little boy really. Games are being played where he is used as a pawn and his parents are in and out of court with injunctions and so on.

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 24/02/2007 21:36

It's a hard one, have you spoken to her?? It's a tricky one. I personally wouldn't want lodes and lodes of boyfriends coming and going. And espeically wouldn't let mine call them daddy.

but I can understand being a single mother it's hard to meet people because your on your own. Does she rush into things?

I met a new man but i met him on my own first and then he met my kids. But if things didn't work out I don't think i would meet someone else because that's just another person my children have to loose iyswim. But everyone is different. I don't know what to suggest.

lou33 · 24/02/2007 21:38

i think he is probably too young to think anything of it

Aloveheart · 24/02/2007 21:39

probably easier now then if her ds was older. I agree lou.

bluejelly · 24/02/2007 21:40

I agree with Lou, 2 is too young to really know what's going on, unless she is introducing them as 'daddy'. I dated a guy for about 6 weeks last summer but my dd aged 7 just thought he was a friend who came round a lot.

Original poster

Flossam · 24/02/2007 21:46

She does rush into things traditionally yes, hence having a DS in the first place! I think they were together a month. DP agrees with you. I'm just not sure really what to think. BIL thinks with all the problems with the father still ongoing she shouldn't have boyfriends at all!

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 24/02/2007 21:50

maybe she feels lonely. I know when i was on my own, everyone i knew had partners and i would come home to just me and the kids. don't get me wrong i love my kids to bits. But just to have someone to share your thoughts and tell them how your day has been. I really don't know what to say really.

Original poster

Flossam · 24/02/2007 22:00

I've posted before about her. I really don't want to sound judgemental, time alone will tell really won't it.

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 24/02/2007 22:05

Yeah it will.

brandy7 · 25/02/2007 10:38

wouldnt worry too much, when my boy was 2(hes now 12) i had a different bloke every 2/3months. i was obviously younger then and beautiful,so had a good choice

seriously though, he loved it and as when he got to aged about 4 he used to tell me to go find a new fella! it was good for him, because dad wasnt around so i think the male interaction was great for him and the fellas used to spoil him to impress me

now my boy is on his 2nd "serious" relationship, bless him. so its probably done more good than bad

lou33 · 25/02/2007 17:23

your dp thinks she shouldnt have a bf at all?

why on earth not?

Original poster

Flossam · 26/02/2007 14:35

NO lou, BIL does. She's in court on an almost weekly basis with ex p. I think he thinks she should get all that out of the way first.

OP posts:

RachelG · 26/02/2007 16:00

I reckon the main problem would be if he got attached to the boyfriends, and then they disappeared. Or if he got really close to them, spent lots of time with them, then never saw them again. That would be hard. Also, if any of them were ever allowed to discipline him that would be totally out of order. But if it's just some intermittent light-hearted "friends" visiting now and then, I can't see what harm it would do. After all, we all have friends who visit at times, and that's OK.

LittleSarah · 26/02/2007 16:06

I agree that at 2 your SIL's son probably won't be at all bothered.

However my daughter is almost 3 and if I had a man (lol!) then I would try not to introduce for the first month or two, until it feels it may last a little while at least. If she did meet him it would be irregularly as a 'friend' at first.

My auntie always had a lot of boyfriends in and out of her daughter's young life. I don't know if my cousin (now 16) has been particularly affected by it, (My auntie has been a pretty horrendous mother all round and cousin stays mainly at her dads!) but I think my uncle's 'method', of only introducing if it was serious, is the way to go.

Just my opinion though!

kellogs · 12/03/2007 22:57

Hi i'm new on here and just saw this topic so if i offend anyone i apoligise in advance. I personally feel that introducing too many new men into a childs life is really unsettling. The child gets to know them and the next minute they're no longer around. This can cause the child(ren) to become very unsettled and frightened. I feel that introducing your children to a new partner is better done if you know there's a chance the relationship is going to work.

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