So my DD bravely had a crack at a ‘routine’ alternate contact weekend with her DD this weekend just gone (she's not been since Easter). Didn’t appear to go too bad, nothing overtly bad said to her or treatment of her (apart from what I’m about to relay which in a way is and isn't about her!) although she was realllly missing me (and me her!) and was proper huggy when she got back into the house (which any hugs from a teenager as we know must be literally grabbed with both hands as we don’t know how much longer they might last!).
So whilst she was there and odd moment happened with her little half-sister (she’s about 3.5 yo I think now) which was half the reason DD wanted to go down – she misses her and the rest of her family very much.
Anyhoo, this little girl pipes up and asks DD “Why don’t you like my mummy?” and “Do you like my mummy now?”. DD was gobsmacked but thankfully was only asked when it was just the two of them on their own, not in a room full of relatives. She just blanked the question (I imagine she didn’t quite know what to say).
So some arsehole has been pouring poison into the ear of a 3.5 yo which is both awful for her (you’ve got to be pretty twisted to think that’s ok) so that it colours her relationship with my DD, and then makes it super awkward for my DD who is kind of caught in the middle.
My question is, do I just leave it re these shit-stirring comments that have been made (I can only imagine the likeliest culprits are XH or StepM themselves). It’s so unnecessary because some months back after DD stopped going for regular weekend contact someone had apparently said something similar to DD about her GPs that she didn’t like them anymore which caused them real upset (although they partly deserved it but that’s another story) – the fact was once again, this wasn’t true. I’d never said it, DD never said it, it simply wasn’t true. She hasn’t said she doesn’t like StepM either – just (to me) that she can be ok sometimes, nagging her DD to death and having a strop at other times which is a fair assessment and liking/not liking her has never really been a discussion point with DD. For historical reference, the family of XH/the GPs are completely deluded as to the wrongness of anything like this (they’ve got to be haven’t they, someone actually thought it was ok to say this to a 3.5 yo as an explanation for why DD (her half-sister) hadn’t been going down) so likely me saying something will make absolutely no difference in any case. Still, I’d have died of shock if they’d bourne the responsibility for her routine non-appearance – they are the ones who’ve failed her emotional security and self-worth on a repeated basis over many years and it’s actually very much their joint fault that she no longer goes there routinely.
If y’all come back and say “Leave it” I’ll leave it (I’m erring towards that anyway) but it pains me that someone is getting away with comments like this which are just so unhelpful and presuming they came from an adult, rather lacking in both maturity and appropriate restraint.