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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Feeling a bit wobbly because today would have been our wedding anniversery.

19 replies

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 11:40

I don't regret my decision to end my marriage & tbh last years anniversery was not the happiest of days & we were still together...so why am I feeling so low?

I have been doing ok up until recently, but over the last couple of days I have been feeling so awful & I don't know why.

Did anyone else feel a bit low as they approached their first anniversery of no longer being a couple?

OP posts:

Aloveheart · 17/02/2007 11:42

HOw long ago did you split?? I tried not to think about it because it was the best decision i ever made, but it's different situation to yours i expect. They say time is a healer and it will. HOpe you feel better soon. xxx

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 11:45

We split 7 months ago, but we are still living under the same roof (house has sold now though, so not for much longer), which kind of makes it harder because I have to see him today.
I know I have 100% made the right decision, but I feel kind of low for some reason.

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Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 11:45

It would have been our 8th anniversery.

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Aloveheart · 17/02/2007 11:49

would have been our 8th last september. yes it must be hard seeing him all the time. It's hard to see mine when he sees the kids.

I am in a new relationship now though.

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 11:55

Glad you have found someone & moved on, Aloveheart. How long ago did you separate?

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Blu · 17/02/2007 11:59

Perhaps you are grieving for 'what might have been'. the things you dreamed of at the start of your marriage, rather than the less dreamy reality you ended up with? Lost dreams are always sad to let go of, and I thinhk we all tend to make our way through tricky relationships always adding to the dream by saying 'it will be better when this or that happens'......you have connfronted the fact that no, it won't ever get better! Weddings are so much about looking forward...and the anniversary is a stark reminder that those hopes are not always fulfilled.
Of course you will feel churned up - but well done for having taken such positive steps to build, slowly, towards a differnt set of things to look forward to.

You won't be a freak because you are feeling down - don't add that to your worries!

snowwonder · 17/02/2007 12:05

it is definetely harder to see them when we first split my ex just picked dd up from nursery and had her over night then back to nursery so i never saw him although it did make the first time seeing him very hard, and obviously we cant do this forever as she goes to school this year- but i hate seeing him and always make and extra effort to look nice-

it is always hard doing the first hurdles like xmas,valentines etc

it is nearly 2 years for me now and it has flown by

hope you are feeling mor positive tomorrow

are you buying a new house?

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 12:22

I think you're right Blu, I am not regretting my decision at all, but I just feel kind of flat & it's probably for the reasons you describe.
Going out with a friend in a minute, so hopefully that will cheer me up a bit!

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Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 12:25

BTW, really sorry for the miserable e mail I sent you the other night, Blu. I was having a bad moment at the time!

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Aloveheart · 17/02/2007 12:31

i left him in september 2005 i met my new dp in june 2006. wasn't long i suppose and didn't plan to meet anyone was content on being on my own, but i fell in love i suppose. My marriage had died years ago, I was too gutless to leave. I wish i had done ages ago. My ex was a very selfish man, who spent his time not being part of the family at all felt more like a lodger, spent money we didn't have on cd's and electronic goods. Whilst i had to go to my dads in tears asking for money for food. That's just the tip of the ice burg really. I was a doormat. My ex hasn't got over it and is absolutely f*d off at the moment because he think my dp has stolen his son, which is rubbish because all he ever did to ds2 is shout at him. But that's another story and i'll shh now.

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 17:52

Sounds like you had a pretty tought time & did the right thing to get out when you did, ALH. I am pleased to hear that you have found someone nice now.
SW - yes I am buying a house & I actually feel quite positive about it. I know it will be pretty hard at times to be on my own with the children, but I think we will be ok.
I have been out with a friend, had a nice lunch & a bit of time walking round the shops, which has made me feel much better!

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TenaLady · 17/02/2007 17:55

I wasnt a single parent but the anniversary was still uncomfortable for a few years and we had mutually split up!!

12 years on I still get a strange feeling around that date and cant put my finger on it and then it suddenly dawns on me what the date related to!!

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 18:10

I'm glad it's not just me then!
I don't know why I am feeling so low, but like snowmonder says, all the first hurdles like birthdays, Christmas & now our anniversary, seem to make me suddenly feel very upset & like I am suddenly not coping with it all anymore!

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Blu · 17/02/2007 18:14

Also, you must ^know6 that everyone else has that day in thier diaries - marriages bring a big social pressure, one way and another (say the resolutely Ms Blu - what do I know!!!)

Worry not re e mail, I was feeling for you - and i'm here to be e mailed! (would help if i replied more promptly...home e mial problems!)

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 18:31

Oh yes! Especially when poor MIl (who is still totally in the dark about all this) pops an anniverary card through the door!

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Blu · 17/02/2007 18:32

[flinching emoticon]
Oh dear!

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 17/02/2007 19:03

Oh dear indeed! He plans to tell her when I have moved into my house!!

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Blu · 18/02/2007 18:12

And he is on her doorstep with a suitcase, no doubt!

Original poster

pinkchampagne · 18/02/2007 18:36

That will be about right, Blu!
I feel very uncomfortable about the whole thing, but she isn't my mum & it's not my place to say anything.
It's horrible when she asks details of where we are moving etc. I normally try & change the subject.
H thinks he is protecting her, as she will be devastated by the whole thing.

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