just wondering...how many were pg alone?

[nightowl]

just a thought really. have been reading harman's thread but didnt want to hyjack. how many of us went through pregnancy alone and how did you cope? i did myself and i have to say i didnt find any books or articles that were helpful at the time. what hurt the most? what made you happy or determined? for me i was proud of myself for what i was doing when dd's dad upped and left without a reason but i was sad when i was on the ward and could see all the proud fathers coming to visit their babies...i was sad when i read all the baby magazines and saw things like "get your partner to rub your back" etc etc. i think its not something which is really discussed that much? would be interested to hear anyone's comments.

i think she would rip it up yes. she can be very nasty...i was on the receiving end of it years ago when i was already with him and he decided to carry on sleeping with me and start seeing her. not going into too many details but i had to change my phone number several times (years ago) as she was abusive and a complete pain in the butt. he sort of flitted between the two of us for years, he was with me, went off with her, they fell out and he came begging me then buggered off back to her again. thats how i know so much about her. hes not much of a man really and he will do whatever she tells him to. hes the kind that sort of "takes on" the personality of whoever he's with. i never understood why he suddenly changed either. we never argued, got on fine, had a laugh...i cant think of anything that wasnt right between us apart from the fact he obviously still had feelings for her and she was the safe bet. i dont care about that though. he's not the sort of person i can have any respect for and i certainly dont want him back. just wish that he would look at dd...even if it was only ever just that once.

Tough one nightowl! Its harder when you have so much insider detail. All i can suggest is to keep trying? I think about me and DD when i sned him things and try not to focus too hard on what his reaction will be. I dont know in reality what he thinks and although i have an idea.. or think i do, its more about just me feeling as though i make an effort. Iguess if i look deeper i cant accept that he will never see her? so therefore i keep trying? if that makes sense?

No advice nightowl. I can't understand it, even though my Father didn't give a toss about me.
At least DD has you and you sound like a great parent.
Do you work night shifts?

no i dont work at all now jmg, i got made redundant about six weeks back whilst still on maternity leave. i just dont sleep anymore!

meant to add that i could keep trying but how long can i do that before they try and get me for harrassment!!? i wouldnt put it past them.

nightowl, i hope you don't mind me asking this, i just wondered what makes you keep trying to contact your dd's dad.

i have never tried to contact ds's father, just accepted he didn't want to know, tbh i really don't want him in our lives. is this selfish? ds is happy and has never asked about him.

it's just that a few of the comments on this thread have made me think(must stop this bloody thinking-doesn't do me any favours ) i want to do the best for ds-am i???????

btw if ds asked i would try to contact him or if he got in contact(i made sure he had my mum and dads address and phone no) i would let him see ds if i felt he was committed etc.

what if he wants to get in contact but feels he can't? (he was only 19 when i got pregnant-will be 24 in nov)

am having a slight crisis of confidence

i surpose maisystar its that i want closure. i want to know for sure that he can look at that child and walk away. how can he possibly know how he would feel if he wont even look at her? and perhaps because he has another child that he loves very much...if you can love one then why not the other. i just want him to admit she's his and see her once. i would be happy with that no matter what the outcome...then i could get on with life. does that make any sense? i am rambling a bit i surpose!

oh and maisystar, you have done what you consider to be the best for your child. there's no right or wrong, we just all feel differently about things.

I think nightowl the closure thing is about right. I think it is about the same for us. As you say the 'i just dont want ti know' isnt an ending? well not to me! to me spending an afternoon with her and still being able to walk away with.... i dread to say it a reason? would help???I dont think you can be accused of stalking DD's dad for contact with his daughter? perhaps if you took your clothes off, sent nude shots in card etc.
then maybe?
im sure you will do whatever is right for you.

you know when you think about something so much that it drives you crazy? well thats how im getting. every day is worse, not better. every single day that passes i get more determined to do something about this sorry situation. i NEED to see him. even if its just that once...i have to take her to him and if he looks at his daughter and says get lost then so be it....but i need to hear it face to face. im just a sucker for punishment i surpose but its making me mad....its something i have to do

Dont know if anyones still reading this, but i was also alone and pg with dd, had dumped the father about a week before i found out, and he just said, 'well if you dont want me, i dont want that baby', he just assumed i'd 'get rid' and just moaned about how i'd ruin his life if i had it. We did keep contact for a few months through fone and txts but then he got new girlfriend and changed his number. He foned out of the blue when she was 5 months old and came to see her once and never bothered again. He's not on birth certificate and told csa he wasnt the father. As if i would make up the fact that that weasel was her father! Anyway she calls my new partner dad, but of course she'll ahve to know one day, and i also worry about what i would do if he suddenly turned up out of the blue demanding to see her? But, back to the point, (eventually), I had lots of help from friends and family but you still feel a bit funny at the hospital, when there is no dad, but one of the other women had a chat with me and told me she had been in same situation as me with her dd. Other than that tbh, cant say i was fussed at not having him around, just guilt that dd would not be acknowleded by him, or his family. Very sad.