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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

So sad....dont know where to go from here.

20 replies

horseshoe · 02/02/2007 21:33

I have just split up with my husband. We were both working parents but with massive debts. I'm now on my own paying the rent and although he is helping me out as much as possible he has to find somewhere to live too and so needs some money.

With two DD'd under 5 I am paying 1000pm for childcare alone. I only bring home 1800 but i'm gonna need all the extra cash I can get. Tonight I got stuck in the office until 8pm and knowing I had left DD distraught this morning I really wanted to get home. I just wanted to cry at my desk. I want to give it all up but my sister says if I walk I wont get benefit help. I cant afford all of this on my own and I feel sooo alone.

OP posts:
manuka · 02/02/2007 21:37

That's really shit. I have no words of advice. But I'm so sorry to hear you're suffering this. I hope someone can help you xxxx

ScoobyDooooo · 02/02/2007 21:39

Sorry to hear your situation horseshoe

You say you live in rented accomodation, so if you did give up work you would be able to recieve income support which means you will get full housing benefit which would pay your rent & full council tax benefit so would not have to pay this either.

But is this really the route you want to go down? if it would be easier for you at this hard time i say do it, how would you feel about being a sahm?

manuka · 02/02/2007 21:46

I don't think its that easy to get benefits. There are a hell of a lot of forms to fill in and if you say you left work you'd be penalised. Find out everything before making a decision. Speak to citizens advice maybe??

EllieKwithabigbump · 02/02/2007 21:49

if you left work you would not be penalised, i did it in May, albeit only for 2 months, but there are a lot of forms to fill in and it can takes weeks to get sorted, you can see a lone parent advisor at the job centre and they will do the calculations giving you advice on what you are entitled to and in most cases will even tell you if you are financially better off quitting your job x

runkid · 02/02/2007 21:49

Horseshoe do you get tax credits you should be entitled and you will also get help with your childcare

EllieKwithabigbump · 02/02/2007 21:50

you may find that you are entitled to enough help whilst carrying on working to make it viable to keep your job, give them a call [hugs]

BuffysMum · 02/02/2007 21:52

You may be better off financially working part time doing 16 hours per week to qualify as working part time or only 30 to qualify as working full time. HTH

anothernametoday · 02/02/2007 21:53

Believe me as a single parent you do NOT get penalised if you leave a job. If I were you I would see citizens advice as mentioned above or call Gingerbread - they operate 9-3pm i think. Freephone advice line. Google them to get their number.

Really now is the time to look after yourself. You need time to come to terms with stuff. Working til 8pm isn't going to help.

You will also now be eligible for working tax/child tax credits to help with childcare. Call them asap

Good luck. It will get better

Aimsmum · 02/02/2007 21:59

Message withdrawn

Aimsmum · 02/02/2007 22:01

Message withdrawn

theheadgirl · 02/02/2007 22:02

horseshoe, I'm on my own with 3DD and managing to work just 2 days a week. I really sympathise with you. All I can suggest is go on entitledto.com and enter amounts for your various work options to see what benefits you'd get. I found that really helpful, as Buffysmum said, it showed me I'm best off working 16 hours. good luck with it all xx

margyfargy · 02/02/2007 22:02

If it's any help there is a website you can go to - google entitledto - it is used by the people in the jobcentre to work out if you are entitled to any benefits etc.

It is really simple to use - very self explanatory!

Original poster
horseshoe · 02/02/2007 22:03

Thank you everyone. I do get tax credits but only £150 a month which pays my travel. I earn £30,000per year. It works out 1800 plus he gives me 350. Even though it works out as 2150 a month. Childcare, rent and counil tax alone is 1850. the remaining 200 wont pay my bills and food let alone my debts!!

Maybe I will give them a call. I dont want my kids to suffer and all I did was cry when I picked them up tonight. The youngest is teething and had me up since 4am so I was knackered. i just moved jobs and im still on probabtion so if i carry on turning up half asleep i will get sacked anyway LOL

I'm determined to get through this as everyone else has. Glad I can come on here once kids are asleep and i'm lonely!

OP posts:
anothernametoday · 02/02/2007 22:03

Agree with you Ainsmun, just thought that a break from work for Horseshoe might be healthy.... or maybe employer would consider part time> Working til 8pm at night leaving a distraught DD is not a good way to be .. I know, I been there!

Caligula · 02/02/2007 22:04

horseshoe have you asked your employer about reducing your hours? You may find that that's a happy compromise and you will get some of your childcare paid. You'll be able to go on working which will keep some continuity in your life and hopefully keep you better off than on benefits, but will have more time to be with your dd's.

Your sister is wrong btw, you are entitled to Income Support. But it's not very much, so the part time route might work much better for you.

This site entitled to is very good.

EllieKwithabigbump · 02/02/2007 22:06

it is lonely hun but it does get better
i'm on my own with ds 3.5 and another on the way!
all i can say is that when i go past his room and see him asleep that cute little person makes everything else completely insignificant
might change my mind when i have 2

margyfargy · 02/02/2007 22:09

I gave up work 5 years ago because it was doing my head in trying to manage 2 young children with no support and never having any money for anything. I was bordering on having a complete breakdown.

It was the best thing I ever did - I was slightly worse off financially but being at home and having time with the kids without all the stress has been worth it.

The only downside was being bored - not being able to go and do things - so I ended up taking a degree in psychology! Finished that in June and now feel ready to tackle the work situation - mind you my kids are now 11 and 13 so can fend for themselves a little more.

The only thing I would say is that you have to make compromises give up things that had at one time been really important like a nice (big) house and a new car. These days I live in a rather crappy small house - but cheap - and drive a battered up old car. Also ditched a lot of friends who I realised only associated with me because I portrayed the right image.

These days I live very frugally and the friends I have are really true friends who have stuck by me through everything.

Original poster
horseshoe · 02/02/2007 22:19

This has all been very helpful advice and I feel so much better for reading it!
I just tried that site entitled to.

According to that I will get an extra £80 a week help while im working but if I gave it all up I would get £341

Im not sure im in a position to request p/t as Im still on my probabtion period. Might try it though. If they turn me down I can then use that as my motivation to make a choice!

OP posts:
EllieKwithabigbump · 02/02/2007 22:33

glad we could help x
just remember, being at home with 2 under 5 might not be all you expect! but if they're over 3 they get funding for 2.5 hours every day which is a very welcome respite!

Aimsmum · 02/02/2007 22:52

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