Ex's gf providing childcare

[Iloveapplepie]

My ex 'fought' for 50/50 which I was against, but he put up a good case. It was going brilliantly - and had been for years, until he gets another job about a month ago meaning he is now out of the house during the week a lot more, meaning his gf is doing the majority of his drop offs and collections.

He fought for this contact and I had to give up the time I spent with my dd for this, now I'm feeling like its a big blow that it's not even him who is even with her!

Just wondered what people's thoughts are? Would you say that you want to go back to one weeknight so that you do more of the drop offs etc or just bite your tongue?

It's not unusual for there to be a "right of first refusal" agreement in place between separated parents.

Obviously, if it's a one off, no one should get their knickers in a twist, but if one parent is routinely relying on alternative care when the other parent is available and willing, then it makes sense to review the shared care arrangement.

My poor DD has been hustled out of the doir by her stepmum every other week for the last 7 years. Her Dad has never seen her off to school. He's only managed to achieve 50:50 care because he moved in with his now DW - otherwise, DD would have been home alone from a very young age.

I can understand why the OP is feeling upset. Maybe she feels that th girlfriend is taking on her parenting role. Is the OP on speaking terms with the girl friend? I think if the op ex is working then it makes sense for her to do more of the pick ups.

Missed out the emphasis in my last post :

if one parent is routinely relying on alternative care when the other parent is available and willing, then it makes sense to review the shared care arrangement.

There are a lot of things this depends on. Do you only work when you're child's at school (or not at all), is your child happy?, how long have they been together?

At least one judge in our local family court is fond of telling parents that time spent with dad is about having a normal life as part of his household, and if that involves being cared for by a stepmum, so be it. You've said 'girlfriend' but presumably the relationship is reasonably serious if she is up for looking after his child. YABU.

time spent with dad is about having a normal life as part of his household, and if that involves being cared for by a stepmum, so be it.

A judge said that? Finally some common sense in family court - hopefully it will stop resident parents blocking contact because their DCs stepmum looked after them while their dad went to the Dr.

Funnily enough, I'd be a lot less pissed off with my ex if his DW had been court ordered to have PR. Does the judge you refer to include the names of the stepparents on the Child Arrangement Order?

Apologies as haven't been online. I don't have an issue with my ex's gf suitability to look after my dd.

But I suppose my issue is that ex requested more access so that he could see dd more. On the days his ex drops off and picks up, I am available. I'm also annoyed that my ex had chosen to disrupt a routine that has worked so well by choosing a job that takes him away from our dd more (he now has a 2 hour commute a day - it was 30 mins).

I think when you are a single parent you have to make even more sacrifices in certain respects. I have a career that I could earn and do so much better in if I added a commute in to the mix to the city, but I can't because it isn't compatible with being a single parent. I could ask my OH but at the end of the day, I want to be with my dd.

So maybe I am being unreasonable

I've been at court this week with exactly the same issue. If you have a shared care arrangement then the kids 'live with' whoever they are currently with, and the other parent has no say in what happens, unless there is a serious safeguarding issue. The court would not have a problem with this at all.
I totally agree with you though. It's not fair but you won't be able to do anything about it.

Your ex is just as much a single parent as you are. He has chosen to sacrifice time with his child to get a, presumably better job.
He has arranged childcare for the time he is responsible for his child, rather than expecting you to pick up the pieces.
You should go and get the better job and use a nursery if it is so easy for you.

When you say you are "available" what
would that mean?

That ex doesn't have him after school or overnight because he can't pick up drop off? So he misses out on days of contact for the sake of a school run?

Or you pick him up, take him home, ex picks him up after work, then they get up early so he can drop him at yours before work and you can run him to school?

You're either denying your child time with his father or doubling his travel times and disruption. How is that best for the child? A

Is your child happy with the arrangement?
Is the GF more of a DP than a GF?
Could you talk to your ex and say if there was ever a problem you could do a pick up or delivery if needed.

Your dd has two parents. If one parent is at work the next best place for dd to be is with the other parent who is available at that time.
Why should his girlfriend be spending quality time with dd when mum is available!