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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Feeling like I can't do this :(

14 replies

Amb2904 · 04/08/2016 17:02

I'm a single mum and I keep feeling like I can't do this anymore. My baby is so beautiful and couldn't be better behaved. She's 14 weeks old now and I love her to pieces. Me and her "dad" broke up before I found out I was pregnant and I made the decision to do this on my own. But I keep having this overwhelming feeling I can't do it anymore. Her "dad" has seen her once since she was born and has decided he doesn't want anything to do with her. I cry all the time knowing she will not have a father figure in her life. I just don't feel like I'm good enough for her. I would never do anything to hurt her or myself and I will always care for her. There are times when she's crying inconsolably and I find myself crying with her and getting frustrated.

I just want to know that I'm not alone with this feeling and how to get past it. :(

OP posts:

Dutchcourage · 04/08/2016 17:15

You will absolutly get through this

I raised dd1 as a SP and it's bloody hard but when I look at her now I think 'hell all that is my hard work!"

Do you have any support network? Do you go to baby groups? I started taking dd2 (6 weeks) just to get out the house and met some lovely women. Do you have family around?

Dutchcourage · 04/08/2016 17:16

Oh you get past it by getting up each day. That's basically it!

Is the babies dad paying support?

Original poster

Amb2904 · 04/08/2016 17:24

I do have family close by but they all work full time and with me being on maternity leave I find myself at a loose end some days!!

I thought she was a bit young to take to a group so I haven't done that yet either.

He doesn't pay anything for her at all. He brought her one pack of nappies when she was first born so £8 in total he's spent on her.

OP posts:

Dutchcourage · 04/08/2016 18:36

Get yourself down to the local sure start, community, library as they usually have loads on. That you can join in on.

Church baby groups are good of you want a natter - as you normally get a mix of folk in there.

They can normally have baby massage from six weeks and at one point I even led rhyme time in the library as the usual lady couldn't make it - dd was about three months then. Honestly take her! It's gets you out of the house and just be chatty!

I remember a random lady asking me in playgroup how was dd birth and I ended up telling her stuff I'd never even said out loud or even realised, We became good 'nursary' group friends.

He doesn't get the chance to decide if he is going to pay for his own child. Your baby needs that money. Get on to the CS

abbinobb · 04/08/2016 18:39

You can take her to nurture groups, theyre for parents with small babies

abbinobb · 04/08/2016 18:41

Also this ight not be for you but with DS when he was small i did this 'parents as first teachers' thing with a lady from the sure start centre, she just used to tell me things about the stage of development, sleep etc and give me advice and listen to me moan about stuff, i found it goo to be able to talk to someone and be reassured that i was normal

Original poster

Amb2904 · 04/08/2016 18:47

I think that's my problem abbinobb, I'm worried my feelings aren't normal. I've not spent more than 5 minutes away from her since she was born and sometimes I feel like I need a break but then I think I'm being selfish and just get on with it!!

Thank you for all your suggestions too. I do try to get out of the house but there is only so many times you can walk around the same town looking in the same shops!!

OP posts:

Dutchcourage · 04/08/2016 18:54

No don't go shops you will just spend money! Look in to the groups there should be some thing on daily in your area.

We all need a break!

fuxxake · 04/08/2016 18:55

I think we've all cried along sometimes when DCs are crying nonstop. I def have! Just make sure you smile along with em too and you'll feel better. I'm not SP so can't pretend to know what it's like but without meaning to sound harsh at all, you've kinda made that decision now so you have to go with it. My only advice would be to concentrate on the usual day to day stuff and don't think about the bigger picture for now (DD not having a father figure etc) cos u have no idea what the future holds for you and things will def get easier as DD gets older too

HappyHedgehog247 · 05/08/2016 19:35

Hello. The first weeks and months are hard and doing it on your own is harder. My Ex hated our DD, called her all sorts of names, I had to try and keep her quiet when he was in the house. Was awful.
My strong advice is to get support and keep trying until you get it and to join as much as you can. Some groups will work for you and others will be lonely or not right but the more you do the easier it will get. You have to make the effort to start conversations and to be friends/friendly with all sorts of people you may never have found anything in common with before but they will end up being such great support and make the days easier and also be someone to share the joy with.

In terms of those times when they won't stop crying and you feel so frustrated you cry too getting out the house is good. Putting DD in a carrier sling worked well for us. But it's also fine to make sure she is safe and time out for a few minutes if that's what you need. Have a cry, eat a chocolate biscuit, do some deep breathing in the kitchen whatever it takes. At 6 months they get easier and she is already over half way xx

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 05/08/2016 19:45

It does get easier I promise you - definitely attend local groups

MeredithShepherd · 07/08/2016 20:50

I was you 2 years ago. I split up with DS's dad before I found out I was pregnant and decided to go it alone. They have never met and dad wants nothing to do with us. It is so hard and I still occasionally break down about how hard it is but it is so so so worth it. My DS is 2.6 now and tells me everyday he loves me. He is my world and I am his... and you are your DD's whole entire existence and she adores you! You don't need anyone else, you can do this. If I can do it anyone can!! Big unmumsnetty hugs for you and your beautiful DD x

queenofthepirates · 07/08/2016 21:02

Sounds like you need some time off; you're being a super mum and whilst that's lovely, you'll crack up if you don't get some time away. I was a single mum from the outset and whilst I love my DD with all my heart, I realised after a while I wasn't cut out to be mum 24/7. You can get help in the form of tax credits to pop baby into nursery for a half day or more and go and do something else. Start your own business, take a class but do something for you.

FWIW there are plenty of children who grow up without a Dad and do perfectly well so put that to the back of your head.

Kati3emilyx · 11/10/2016 22:44

No you are not alone, I also broke up with my partner as he decided he wanted nothing to do with his son, and I know exactly how you feel you are more than good enough and you will do just fine without him

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