Needing advice with my son as seriously feeling guilty

[KellyC88]

Hi you lovely lot please offer some advice or something.

I'm a lone parent (raised my boy on my own from the start) and my son is 5. The "sperm donor" has never been apart of his life which was his own choice. My family is really small and I have nothing to do with my own dad either.

So my really good friend came over on Sunday to see me and catch up and have some play time with my boy. The whole time my son was begging him to stay and asking him to move in, then starts that awful twang of pain realising how much he's in need of "boy time" and there's nothing I can really do for him to have any outside of school. I feel so bad for him and well has anyone else gone through this? I'm completely beating myself up over it and all the mums I'm friends with at school all have partners so I can't really ask them for advice.
Thanks in advance

Hi, I saw this in unanswered threads so I'm bumping in case anyone useful is up. You sound like a really caring Mum though and your son will be fine

Well first of all, don't feel guilty, what do have you to be guilty about?

He was asking my friend to move in and begging them to stay. Apart from at school he doesn't have much boy time, when he does if say I've taken him to a friends he hounds the other child's dad etc. I can see it's something my son needs and the only thing I can't provide him with. I do try but of course it's not the same.

I'm not sure if this is any help at all but how about enrolling him in some male dominated activity like Cubs/scouts or boys brigade? I realise that it doesn't solve the 'at home' situation but there are often make leaders and older boys who he will get to know.

Ah that's brilliant I might take a look at them and check the days.
Thank you :)

Forgot to add not to bothered about the at home situation just more a way to build up more boy time activity so I guess he's not missing out.

Cubs and Scouts is a brilliant idea, also football or some other sport?

My husband is a football coach and for some of his team he's the male role model in their lives. Only a couple of hours a week but better than nothing.
I agree with the Cubs/Scouts as well as they do loads of the outside 'boy stuff' that they love.
Better to have a select few male role models in his life than someone who isn't interested in them.

Thank you and yes going to looking at the scouts/ Cubs as he will love that. I've tried getting him in to football but has no interest but maybe with age he will find a sport he likes.
He will be happy with that as he knows what days he goes as he loves a routine lol

Scouts would be great I think. I have girls but thy loved it

There's a book called Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph - might be useful to you. I think he talks about boys needing different role models at different ages, if I'm remembering right.

I'm in the same position, OP, my boy is now 9 and raised from the start with absent dad. I got him started ( reluctantly at first) with rugby on
Sunday mornings and that club has literally become our second family. The coaches are great role models and the lovely thing is that he now has a set of friends outside school who are closer to him than his actual school friends as they have worked as a team for over 3 years. I also cultivate a lot of male platonic friends, some of whom are single dads so that also helps.

I am in the same position. ( not seen dad since 3)
My ds is now 9.
We did beavers now cubs ( we had more female helpers in beaers than cubs)
At one point had a male swimming teacher
He does cricket
just started tae kwon do ( although leader female)
Guitar ( male teacher)

It has built up over time and things have settled down.

If he isn't interested in football that isn't the place for him..There are so many other options out there. My DS also did a years gymnastics.. No male teachers but he went with a friend and quite a few boys he enjoyed it for a while till he got bored.
My advice would be look around what is local and give him some options.