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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

If you are divorced what do you call yourself?

22 replies

Claraoswald36 · 30/04/2016 12:28

Since my split I have called myself Mrs x anyway. Being honest I don't want to be a miss. I feel judged and I don't want strangers wondering about my situation. I know this is daft because I have never judged an unmarried mother in my life!
My dp thinks it's a bit odd. I use my maiden name at work fir privacy reasons but im still a mrs.
Part of me thinks I should grow a pair and use my maiden name everywhere but I don't want to have a different name to the kids. Though dp and I plan to marry so I will anyway. Sigh. Don't know what I should do?

OP posts:

lljkk · 30/04/2016 12:34

What's the legal status? what names are you entitled to use?

Original poster

Claraoswald36 · 30/04/2016 12:42

I didn't change my name post divorce

OP posts:

brittanyfairies · 30/04/2016 12:47

I'm 50/50 actually, I've kept my passport and my name at school in my married name so that I can travel with the DCs without problem and they want to have the same name as me, but everything else has been slowly converted into my maiden name. By the time I need a new passport DCs should be old enough to travel without it being a problem and then I'll revert to my maiden name completely.

MrSlant · 30/04/2016 12:53

I CBA to change all the paperwork so have stayed exactly the same as before. Plus if ex-h were ever to re-marry our surname is so insanely common round here I don't think it would be an issue for his new Mrs either, she'd just be joining about 800,000 of us anyway. I suppose if it upset her I'd make myself Ms even though I'm unsure of how to say it. Had you considered that OP, just take the 'r' out and leave it at that? I was informed legally that if I wanted to stay exactly as I was then I had every right and didn't have to consult my ex even. Personally right now I am NEVER EVER going to get married again so this is it for me.

GingerIvy · 30/04/2016 13:19

I use Mrs.

I'm not too fussed whether others think it's an issue or not. That's what I've been using for years, so why should I stop now? I won't be getting married again ever.

When we were children, "Miss" was a young female (generally unmarried, no children). Once they got married or had children (in whatever order), they were then "Mrs." "Ms" was rarely used.

As an adult, I don't really care what other women use, so I can't see why they'd care what I use. Use whatever you'd like.

GingerIvy · 30/04/2016 13:23

Sorry, meant to add that as far as married name v maiden name, I use married, as that's what the children have. Again, I think it's all about what you want to use (and can legally use when it comes to name changing) for whatever reasons.

tribpot · 30/04/2016 13:35

If it's important to have the same name as the kids, do you need to change it when you get married? I'm personally in the camp that thinks it isn't important to have the same name as your children, which is why I've never changed mine (my mum remarried when I was 7 so I haven't shared a name with her in well over 30 years, without it affecting our relationship). But I think either it is important to share a name or it isn't, does it become less important just because you marry someone else? He's not more important to you than your children, I'm sure.

Chasingsquirrels · 01/05/2016 09:31

I've just kept as Mrs married name. Having taken a few years after marriage to change it, it then became who I am and I didn't want to change it again when we separated then divorced.

Meant to be getting married in a month and wasn't planning on changing again but keeping Mrs ex-married name. A few people have asked me and I said I wasn't changing. Haven't actually discussed with DP but pretty sure he wasn't expecting me to change.

However DP has just had some very bad health news and part of me is now wondering about taking his name if we do get married. I just don't know.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 02/05/2016 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Claraoswald36 · 02/05/2016 09:06

It's so bloody sexist and invasive isn't it. I know there's ms but I think it sounds like I have issues about something.

OP posts:

KP86 · 02/05/2016 09:09

I told my DH years ago that if we ever split I will be keeping my new name. It is no longer just his. I have no intention of going through the drama of changing back and I want to keep the same name as my DC.

tribpot · 02/05/2016 12:33

KP86, what would you do if you remarried? (I appreciate this is all getting a bit hypothetical).

OP, very funny about Ms making it sounds like you have issues about something. Lots of us use Ms, I couldn't care less if anyone thinks I have issues about something. However, no reason not to use Mrs if you want to. I wonder what the easiest way is to get a properly genderless title like Dr.

Vaara · 02/05/2016 20:55

I'm Miss Maiden name

It was a deliberate attempt to erase my marriage from my life. I like being "me" again

wtffgs · 02/05/2016 21:53

I'm Ms Maiden Name professionally but haven't changed my passport because of the cost.

X's surname is very distinctive so it was important for me to get away from the inevitable linkage.

'Ms' is unusual in my workplace so I usually get Mrs Maiden Name which is a bit bizarre. Reminds me of my mum!

Mizuna · 03/05/2016 10:47

I didn't marry so have always been Miss Maiden name, and DD has my surname (with exDP's as a middle name, which has turned out to be useful for him post-separation as at least they share a name in some form).

I am marrying DP soon and don't want to change my name to be different to DD's but want to do something to recognise that, so am going for Ms Maiden name.

Lweji · 03/05/2016 10:50

Dr. :)

If not, then Miss or Ms. Don't really care.
My main problem was while married, but still having my maiden name.

emza78 · 03/05/2016 17:23

The kids took his surname, now we're splitting do I change my surname to match theirs?! Can't change theirs to match mine now I think as the 5 year old would be most confused! What do others do??

AliceInUnderpants · 04/05/2016 22:31

I have been divorced around 5 years I think. I am still known as Mrs MarriedName

Terrifiedandregretful · 06/05/2016 08:41

You don't need to change your name when you marry again if you don't want to. I'm very glad I never changed my name and dd has both surnames.

Sunflowersmiling · 08/05/2016 05:26

I stayed as Mrs married name because I'm too worn out as a single mum to even work out how to change it :-D I wouldn't want to change my DS name as it belongs to him and I want the same name as DS...so im sticking with this for now. I might go to Ms if I can be bothered...Mrs does feel a bit of a lie...but then again I'm not sure it really matters x

Mislou · 08/05/2016 05:33

I think it sounds strange to use Miss when you're an adult with kids. What problems would arise having a different surname to your children ? We gave our daughter her father's name and I have never had any problems , people still believe I am the mother for example.

Vaara · 09/05/2016 11:21

Mislou when traveling you need to carry the child's BC although that's not onerous.

You may also need a copy of consent from the father to travel, although theoretically you need this whether you have the same name or not.

I think it's rather silly to keep a name which you only adopted because of a set of circumstances which no longer exist.

Luckily everyone is free to do what they like

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