Hiya, I am new here and have a bit of a dilemma going on that I was hoping to get some advice/comments if possible. I aplogise in advanec for the long message!
I left my relationship of 6 and a half years at the end of 2005, due to domestic violence towards myself and my daughter, who was 2 at the time. Her father had had practically nothing to do with her since her birth and continued to want nothing when we first split. However, just after I left and whilst my ex-partner was pleading with me to go back to him, he chatted to women on the internet, met one the next day after chatting to her and telephoned me to tell me he had met the woman for him and was in love. From this day on his attitude changed and he suddenly wanted our daughter in his life. I received nasty emails, text messages and phone calls from him and I went to a solicitor to arrange supervised contact, as I didnt trust him to be on his own with our little girl. He had a few contact visits at my parents house but each time he abused me in front of my daughter, and most of the time made excuses why he couldnt come ("I have a new life now I cant run around for you"!!!!). I also started receiving nasty emails from his new partner, accusing me of being a bad mother etc. 2 weeks after meeting the woman, my ex moved her into the house, proposed to her 2 months later and they quickly conceived a baby. Throughout the whole of last year I have been trying to arrange supervised contact through a contact centre yet he steadfastly refuses, saying he doesnt need to be supervised.
We offered him the chance to start phoning our daughter once a week in the evening, and it took him over 1 month from the offer being made before he picked up the phone for the first time! When he did, the first thing my daughter said to him was "you did hit mummy didnt you". By this time my daughter hadnt seen or heard from her daddy for 4 or 5 months and had been talking a lot about the violence. After the phone call I received a nasty letter from his solicitor accusing me of prompting my daughter to make these comments and how I was turnign her against him. Each subsequent phone call only lasted 2 minutes as he didnt know what to talk to her about, and gradually stopped.
In December I relented and invited him over to the house to see our daughter and give her christmas presents, and she also met his father and family, after they bullied me into allowing them to see her (although they only ever saw her once or twice throughout the whole time we were together). My daughter constantly talks about "daddy hitting mummy" (she was a witness to a lot as well as receiving it herself) and why daddy was never around (he was either on the computer or at work). To make matters worse I have discovered that his new partner posts a great deal on forums about me and is also a practising witch with an altar and a cauldron. SHe has posted about how she has cast hexes on me to wish me bad luck, fortune and unhappiness and loneliness because of my actions!
Just before Christmas my solicitor sent him another letter again offering contact at a contact centre and offering him to recommence the phone calls. To date we have heard nothing from him nor has he phoned our daughter.
On New Years Day I received a text from my ex-partner "I just thought you should know x now has a brother". i replied that it was a half-brother and he insists that she be told about the baby and is allowed to see him. I really dont know what to do. My daughter is only 3, she doesnt have a very good or steady relationship with her father, but if she isnt told will she hold this against me when she is older? Will it upset her that daddy doesnt see her but has a new baby that lives with him. Will she want to see the new baby and be more upset because he still cant be bothered to sort contact. I really dont know what to do so any advice would be welcome!
Once again, i apologise for the long post!
Sarah