By brandy7 on Sun 31-Dec-06 15:00:26
xenia, i think changes kids are aged 2 and 3.
change, i really think if you can get legal aid then you should see a solicitor.
can you cut/paste your message and post it in legal or lone parents because there are a few people who know quite a lot about family law and situations like yours that only pop on here and check certain topics.
must be an awful worry for you
By Xenia on Sun 31-Dec-06 14:28:09
How often has the child got bad nappy rash and not been fed whilst in his care?
The other example of other men leaving child at park aged 9 - I don't think that's wrong personally.
By change on Sun 31-Dec-06 14:11:08
He says that he does not want to be in my house with the children and that i am controlling him!!!! He says that i am controlling the situation of seeing his own kids. I remind him of his lack of care for them and he says i am insulting him and who is to say that i am right in the way i look after them. I have been to CAB and they too told me to see a solicitor but said that 30 mins would definetaly not be enough time as he is so dificcult. But even going via the sols he will say the right thing to them and everyone but will not do the right thing. I am having counselling because i am so stressed about it and she too told me that she had not heard of anyone like him before. Yes ex's have issues but not wanting to learn and take proper important care for them. She has said that this is why people stay todgether until the children are older. I have thought this many times just to get back with him so the children will be cared for as i will always be there as i was before.
By brandy7 on Sun 31-Dec-06 09:28:58
morning change,
hope you slept ok. i really think you need to speak to a solicitor, even if just for the half hour free to advise you on what to do for the best for your children.
if you move a long way off and hes a manipulative man, he could say that it wont be worth him seeing the kids unless he can have them for a few nights, because ofthe travel involved.
would he not agree to seeing them in your home with you there?
i have to log off for a bit, il check on here later
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:41:16
Sorry i need to just say this. I am planning on moving quite a long way away within the next year as can not afford to live round hear. How would he see the kids if he did not have them to stay over. He would really kick up if he drove miles for just a couple of hours..
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:37:11
night change,come back on here for support,hope you have agood nights sleep
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:36:08
the probelm is that he puts on some many acts. He will convince me and teachers that he has it right. But when he has them on his own he will not do any of it because thats what he does. I only know what he has been recently like because me and a few friends followed him one afternoon and everything went back how he use to care (not care) for them.
Sorry i need to go to bed now, as the stress of this is taking its toll..
Good night catch up again soon..
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:28:19
so that would be like shared residence then if thats to be permanent. i would probably visit a solicitor for some advice about that. from what youve said he doesnt sound fit to look after their needs. lots of men are lacking in commonsense where kids are concernedit does sound like he should be supervised to learn about the children more, if he would agree to it.
my ex has been coming to my house to see ds for 5months now and im just starting to trust him a bitpita having him though, but i just sit on mumsnet
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:19:09
yes overnight.
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:18:35
ggirl
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:17:57
will they stay overnight for the 2/3days then
By ggirl on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:17:35
thought you were referring to your ex's physical attributes
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:17:06
PS i dont know whre he takes them or with whom etc
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:16:01
He has finally moved out. But how about if he does not bring them home because he has told me that he is having them for these days. What do i do the next time etc..
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:12:57
change, dont agree to him having them more if youre worried. of course youre overprotective of them, i am with my ds, its because theyre so young and vulnerable.
are you actually split up or living together still
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 23:07:09
At the moment its afternoons. He wants them for 2-3 days each time soon. he works shifts and am worried that he will not sleep and come straight to get them or not have enough etc. I knew i was not imagining my paranoa or being an over catious mum. Just because kids have fathers does not mean that all are good role models or examples and some women should be believed and supported in some way. I do not want to loose my kids because i was not able to stop him seeing them..
I now feel worst writing this thread than i did before. At least before i could have blamed myself for being over protective...
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:29:47
youre probably meaning a contact centre change. not ideal, they open once a fortnight i think on a saturday, they have supervisors in them and cups of tea/toys etc. you can stay as well or leave your kids.
from what youve said you must be worried sick when he takes them. does he have them for long/often
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:25:53
Brandy people have told me that their are places that he can be supervised by like progfessionals. But he is very cleaver he does all the right things when being analysed or watched.
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:24:06
Have said this and he just got really angry and nasty. No one that i can ask to help. His mother lives in the house of grime so i suppose i am lucky that so far he hasn't taken them their (or has he!!). I always feared that if i split with him he would not make any more effort with their care than when i was with him.
By brandy7 on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:22:57
oh god change! your ex sounds awful! your post rung so many bells in my mind as to why my ex still has supervised contact to my 2year old son.
By KezzaG on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:12:48
I have obviously made my dh sound bad here, and that is not my intention at all. What I mean is he will always check, does ds eat at 12 or 12.30 and it really bugs me as he should already know. Anyway, that is not the point of this thread! In your case I am not surpised you feel hacked off with your ex. Is only allowing him to have access when you are there an option?
By KezzaG on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:09:20
Fair point, I would be worried sick if my ds was with dh and he acted that irresponsibly. not really sure what you can do, but I agree you need to get something sorted.
Are you friendly with your exes mum? Anyone else who can make him see sense?
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:09:12
K. Also maye i am missing the point to parenting. But if your partner does not care about giving your child a really bad nappy rash that lasts for days and days and is in so much pain and no doubt you will have to nurse him for these days and also your partner forgets to feed him. How can that be saying he is a good dad - because he plays with him....
I have friends that say there ex partners are really good dads too. But when i hear of the stories of them being a great dad Like leaving therir 9 year olds at the park on their own to be taken by some purve. Or there ex partners have a new girlfirend and they just shove there children into another room to watch a dvd so they can have rompy, i do not think that that is being a good father....
Sorry i have had a really bad day with my ex.
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 22:01:33
Getting the toddlers out of the car and not holding on to them, not being aware that my two will definately run into the road. Taking them out and not making sure that they have any nappies or food or drink. Mine have allergies so you can not just walk into any shop to get them something to eat or drink. When its raining putting coats on and boots. When walking down the road, holding their hands. When in ques keeping an eye on where they are. Leaving the front door open so that they run out onto the road. I have many times told him but things do not change. When i say i will not allow him to take them until i am satisfied that they will be cared for he says Well they are back and not hurt aren't they....
By Xenia on Sat 30-Dec-06 19:36:13
I was about to write what K says. A lot of parents in marriages even don't trust the other partner. Usulaly it's a very bad example of them thinking they do things right whereas the other person's way is equally as good. But if here he is telling them walk down roads or touch hot ovens then that's an entirely different matter.
By KezzaG on Sat 30-Dec-06 19:18:47
In what way are you not happy with him. I do think men and women have very different ways of doing things but it doesnt neccessarily make them any worse at it. My dh "forgets" to change ds nappy until it is literally falling of him, and "forgets" what time he has lunch etc, but is a really good dad even though he drives me mad about these things.
I have also found that dads can have higher expectations of what dcs should be doing, do you disagree over boundaries or punishments etc?
Is he doing something that is actually harming them?
By change on Sat 30-Dec-06 18:56:14
My ex is hopeless and i hate leaving my 2 & 3 year old with him. He never takes any care of them and does not know what he is doing.
Anyone expereinceing the same. What steps have you done. We have done parenting classes and relate but as soon as he is out of the classrooms. He ignores what he has been told etc..