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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Am I trapped?

14 replies

JustMeAndDD · 23/05/2004 20:11

Im feeling quite low at the mo. Im currently on income support, Im privately renting, which council pay for. I receive CTC and CB too. I get by fine, but that's the problem, Im just getting by.

Before dd, I was full of ambition, hoping to make a career and earn loads of money etc. The usual life dream. Ive always wanted to get a mortgage on a house, and have a nice car etc. (and I know how hard it is to be able to buy a house these days!)

I feel like Im going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. I cant afford to buy a car, or even keep one if I did. I dont work because Im on income support. But if I wanted to get off that, then Id have to work full time but I dont want to do that til dd starts nursery, and shes not even 2 yet!!

Can someone give me some inspiration or something, as it makes me feel so depressed just thinking about it, as I feel like Im going to be like this forever

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WideWebWitch · 23/05/2004 20:44

Sorry you're feeling low, justmeanddd. It won't be like it forever - things rarely are: she'll get older and it'll get easier. Well done for getting by though, that's an achievement! What did you do before dd? Could you go back to work when she's at school? Is money the main issue? Or are there other things? Maybe if you can tell us some more we can help.

gothicmama · 23/05/2004 20:47

Why would you have to work fulltime you ould get WTC and still have HB. You would also get help with nursery costs if you work 16 hrs a week + . Hope this gives you some inspiration. The job centre/ beneits agency may also be able to help you out

Tinker · 23/05/2004 20:48

Just to echo www - they don't stay 2 forever. It will get better, honestly. Was single mother for 5 years (from birth). I stopped feeling really trapped when she was about 3 or 4. It will get better

Original poster

JustMeAndDD · 23/05/2004 20:50

I worked full time, and had a pretty good wage coming in, as I had been promoted and stuff. I had quite a lot saved, but after dd was born, and I broke up with ex, I was left in a lot of debt, and at the present moment, my dd has more money saved than I do!!

I would like to go back to work when dd is at school. I dont really want to go back to work before then as dd is my first, I want to be there if you know what I mean. Money is one of the main issues, as I always seems to be watching what I spend, and then if I spend too much, I seem to spend months trying to sort myself out again. Im sure most of you other mums know what I mean. Dp says that when he moves in (which isnt for ages yet) I can rely on him for money etc but I dont want that. I want to have my own independant money if you know what I mean.

OP posts:

MeanBean · 23/05/2004 20:51

How old are you JMaDD? And what have you done employment wise, what skills do you have? Do you have to get a full time job? If you got a low paying part-time job (under £8,000 pa roughly - you'd have to check the exact figure with a job wotsit adviser at the DWP), you would still be entitled to income support, so it might be worth checking if your rent would still be paid. If it would, then even working one day a week could perhaps boost your confidence and make you feel that you are keeping your hand in, without leaving you financially in the sh*te.

Original poster

JustMeAndDD · 23/05/2004 20:56

Im 22 meanbean. I was told that I can work up to 16 hours and still be on IS but can only earn £20 a week! Anything else gets taken off me. Ive tried looking for 1 day a week jobs, but no-one's happy about just doing one shift.

Ive worked in retail, as a cleaner and worked in an office for a company who was doing loss claims, so I guess you could say I have "a range of skills" lol

OP posts:

essbee · 23/05/2004 21:02

Message withdrawn

gothicmama · 23/05/2004 21:02

Justmeanddd check out with inland rev as you can work have WTC and still get HB etc. also check limits with council

gothicmama · 23/05/2004 21:03

you beat me essbee

mammya · 25/05/2004 15:39

JustmeandDD, I know how you feel, but hang on in there, it does get easier and better, your dd will become more and more independent and you will have more time and space for yourself once she goes to nursery or playgroup. It could be a great opportunity to retrain in something you really want to do, perhaps do a distance learning course or a course at your local college.

I am in the same situation as yours, except that my dd is a bit older (she's 3)and a few months ago I was feeling trapped just like you, but now things are better. Dd goes to playgroup every morning and I have just started a training course. I am not any less trapped right now, still broke all the time, but I feel better about it! At least I am out of the house everyday, doing somehting for myself that hopefully will help me get a job that pays decently so that I can afford a car and holidays and perhaps buy a flat.

TurnAgainCat · 25/05/2004 16:58

I think that the tax and benefits system is really rubbish for lone parents, and I even wrote to the IR about it! I was very lucky because I had just finished my qualifications, but not my training, when I had ds, but there were a couple of years when I would have been much much better off financially if I had not been working. However, I knew that in the long run I would be more prosperous if I developed my career, and now I am in a totally different situation and would never think of not working. If you have all these aspirations, it sounds like you are still full of ambition, and that is a major step towards fulfilling them. Is there any way that you can borrow money from your dp or family to tide you over the initial period when work or training does not seem to be paying off? One of the pluses of working full time is that when you do have time with dd you will have money for outings, holidays, and treats, and extra cash also helps reduce housework (eg not scrimp and save electricity by not using dryer, not scrimp on food, buy good cleaning products instead of cheapest one in shop) so that you can have more fun time with dd.

karen01 · 12/06/2004 19:56

justmeanddd- i was in the same predicament 6 years ago. I went out to work when DD was 2 years old, I wnet to speak to a "New Deal" advisor in the job centre and together we went through different senarios (sp) and worked out how much helpI would be entitled to if blah blah happened etc.

It was hard going and first job paid a pitance but once i was in the work place I found it easier to find a better job. Withi in the space ot 3yrs i went from earning 11k to 17.5k.
I am lucky as when DD was 4.5 I met my now DH, I really did think though that live would just be me my DD and work.

Back to the point- see if you can speak to the new deals advisor at your job center and she will tell you what benifits etc you can get re WFTC, CTC etc, she will also work out how much rent you will be able to claim back. I know it isn't easy but believe me i felt a whole lot better in myself knowing that I was weorking to provide a better future for my DD and myself. When DD was 4 I managed to buy a flat for us all be it part buy part rent but it was still ours.

Hope this helps and is an inspiration to you.
keep your chin up things do get better.
Take care

johay · 13/06/2004 19:30

I work 9 hrs a week in my dd's playgroup. I got a weekend job to bump my hours up and I went on to WTC. After a month though, I found I was slogging my guts out, shouting at the kids all the time and spending more money on them anyway and all for £10 extra a week! So I gave it up. When I informed the dss and council about my change in circumstances they kindly stopped all my benefits so now I have to fill in all those awful forms again and keep my fingers crossed that they will have sorted it all out by the time I have to pay my rent! I find the lack of money and car the hardest thing about being on my own, but like you, I'd like to be self sufficient. My dd starts school in Sept and I am hoping to apply to do teacher training when she has settled, so probably Sept 05. It does get better as they get older. Your life will get easier.

jinglybits · 04/08/2006 00:35

just soaking up the solidarity! am 27 and have been living for 2years I(since shortly after ds birth when it all went pear shaped) in a temporary council flat waiting for housing. Feel so trapped as the government con artists have set my rent at £430 a week! for a one bed ( i could have a penthouse for that!) as i'm full housing benefit so it goes out of one of there pockets and into another! (and then the stastics show how much single mothers are costing the state! its a joke!) have been told by a lone parent advisor not to work as i would have to pay out more than i could possibly earn and get into debt, was told tales of mothers returning to them sobbing! Was advised that all i could do if i was feeling the strain was to study as i could do a free college course and get childcare thrown in. however i am 27! and the council have told me theres probably around another 3 years to wait for my housing! its so depressing!

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