how do the ex's end up soooooooo mean?

[pirategirl]

hi,
thought i would post here to maybe get some feedback.
I cant even begin to describe the out of character, weird person my soon to be ex husband has become.
He walked out on my child 3, and me, well bailed out really.
Supposed to be a buddhist, but has an ego the size of an bus, and is just very manipulative STILL, even tho he found someone else soon after he left.

Anyhow, this thread is for anyone who wants to discuss break up, divorce, how to deal with the kiddies. I have asked mumsenet if there can be an official sub section, cos somehow it doesnt feel right to post here, for me anyway and go on about the doom and gloom of my marital break up!

my latest offering from my ex. He gave his child (4) a bike for xmas, and child is not allowed to bring it home. Considering he has child almost every two weeks, is this not darn right mean!!! I was bloody livid!

take care

For transportable stuff it does seem silly to have to get 2 of each. All I can think of is what DC could have instead with the £100 or whatever the second game thing costs.

Frosty they're full presents if the kids are happy to keep them at the place where they are told to (which your SD obviously is in the case of her bike).

They're not full presents if children would like to take them to their main home and they're not allowed to imo. If someone gives me a gift, they don't tell me I'm only allowed to use it at their place. Nobody this Christmas has given my children any gift which they've kept at their own home, and unless it was something very particular, I'd think it bizarre if they had!

When my kids were little ex's mum and relatives used to send cards saying "money put in account for you when your older" they kids at that time sometimes saw these relatives, but very rarely. That is a long time ago, now kids are 16 and 17 and the cards saying that stopped ages ago (ex sent a few saying that aswell over the years) but no money from this account has ever materialised! The kids no about this but don't say anything, I just think its crap that over the years they did that to make it look good but never actually followed it through! I don't say anything bad about ex to kids, have just recently had to mention a few things as ds is now seeing him every now and then and started asking questions and also making the ex sound like a night in shining armour (far from it!). God what a difficult situation.

HI again.

I can understand practicalities and things, yet there is always a background story, and my annoyance is that he has not bought her one thing all year, has not given a penny towards her since Feb 06, despite him going to india for a month, and having other treats.

He has a large van, s picking the bike up every two weeks would be easy. He just likes to put his foot down these days on any little thing he can, to keep some sort of control.
I cant afford to buy another bike atm, and he really upset our dd. He spends all his time with his new partenr's kids, not his own, the least he could do was to build bridges with our dd.

this actually does my nut in - I'm working full time and my xp is on incap, butliving in a lovely big house and supported by rich gf. he can see our 3 children whenever he wants (although thats been patchy in the past)and pays no maintenance. the toys that they get at their house stay at their house and vice versa, because they spend more time with me. i uswed to feel this was an absolute horror because they would get bigger shinier gifts that i couldn't afford and they would have to stay at the exes. now that they see their dad more regularly I can understand why they would want something to occupy thenm while they're there. I'm more annoyed that i get no maintenance and have to send clothes to the exes because he doesn't have any there.

the kids are a bit older now though - (11,8 & 7) they can argue their own pov with regard to easily portable toys if they bought dd a ds for instance ( something i definitely can't afford!) it would stay with her.

pirategirl - I know how you feel about him not paying maintenance or buying her anything I have had the same for years. I agree when you say he wants control and, I don't know if its the same with your ex but mine just wanted to make life as hard as poss for me and didn't care if the kids suffered. He said in the early days that if he gave money to me for the kids then I would benefit from it and he didn't want that. Just try to be a better person than him, I know its hard to stay nice when he is just plain nasty but TRY not to let it eat you up too much.

HI, Justustwo,

Sorry to hear you thought things had improved, and now its the same old story. It sounds as tho the broken aerial will be a big deal for your ex. Its sods law isnt it?!

My stepdad got my child a bike for here, on hearing the story, its 2ndhand, but great for what she needs.
I rather think she has no reason to actually go to her dads now! (jokin but my god what a performance)

Did you hear anything back, when he picked him up??

take care