Dd constantly upset and misses he dad- feel guilty

[motheroreily]

I left my husband in May (well tbh he told me to f@!k off and I did). I'd been unhappy for a while, I had tried talking to him and i wanted to try counselling but he didn't.

he wouldn't move out so I am renting a flat. My dd is 3 and sees him every fri - sun.

When she comes home she's distraught she says I want a new mummy, this isn't my home, I want us to live in daddy's house, daddy's sorry, I'm fed up of having two houses, you're making me sad mummy.

She also bursts into tears in the week saying she misses daddy and her cat.

I feel so horrible and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think she'd be better off living with him and his mum.

Hmm ... 'daddy's sorry' strikes me as rather odd. Any chance your ex whines to her? If so he needs to be told to stop! She's three and way too young to serve as his emotional rubbish bin!

Apart from that, as a child of divorced parents I can only say that this is normal to a degree - but also that it passes once children adjust to the new setup. Obviously, both parents being supportive of this process is kind of a prerequisite. See above!

a few things yes the Daddy is sorry would concern me..sounds like he is feeding her..He needs to be told this is not to be discussed with DD for her benefit.

Secondly You have to dismiss his ideas of 2 homes..Tell her she is extra special to have 2 homes.

My other concern is quality time with your DD? is she is nursery? What about when she goes to school?

I am not happy with the contact arrangement but at the moment she is only at nursery for 3 days (the days I don't work) so we have 2 weekdays together but I've said this needs to change when she starts school.

I do need to speak to him about what he's saying to her because there's a couple of things she's said that I'm sure have come from him. Just dreading bringing it up

My DD still comes back from EXP visits in a grump. And this is 3 years later. It's par for the course I'm afraid.

Don't forget, your EX probably gets DDs chatter about you, so don't even think about handing her over to him and his mum.

Don't feel guilty about moving out. You know you've done the right thing. Keep calm when she sings his praises. Just smile and say 'oh that's nice'. Don't get drawn into negative conversations. I always smile through gritted teeth and say 'ah well, that's a shame' when DD tells me her daddy doesn't like me.

Maybe it's worth thinking about sorting contact now? Him having her every weekend seems unfair.

Change contact now, not when she goes to school. If he refuses to agree and you have to go to court they may not change a long standing agreement.