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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Really difficult post please help. X

27 replies

Hannit · 31/12/2015 22:58

Ok so this is really hard for me to do but I need help I may be on the wrong board so please direct!
So I have a beautiful Lovley amazing baby girl who is my world, she is 7 months old. I've been with my fiancé for 6 years (I am 23) we have just baught our first house together. Tonight out relationship took a bad turn, a violent one.. And this isn't the first time. With out going into too much detail he hurt me, tried to strangle me pushed me etc and this was all infront of my daughter. The time before this was 2 years ago and all I can tell you is I woke up in a heap with a bleeding nose with him nowhere to be found. I know I should of left the first time but o did really love him. I feel like tonight is the final straw I can't do this! But I want my baby to have her mum and dad! My question is how do I cope? What do I do? And how can I leave! I'm scared if I do leave he will not leave me alone! In fact I know this will happen. He's an amazing dad and I have no worries about him with her at all I just don't know what causes this trigger. True to form he has apologised and swore it won't happen again.. Do I believe him? As I say this has been so difficult to write any help or advise would be really appreciated x

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 31/12/2015 23:00

Where is he now, and are you safe tonight?

RNBrie · 31/12/2015 23:02

He's not an amazing dad if he beats his daughter's mother. Being a good dad is about how he treats you as well as how he treats his child. Do you want her to grow up thinking that's how women should be treated?

Call Women's Aid as soon as you can. They will talk you through your options. It's 24 hours a day 0808 2000 247 and is freefone.

We'll done for posting this. First step to getting yourself and your daughter safe. Wishing you a happier and safer 2016

Original poster

Hannit · 31/12/2015 23:03

I am safe in bed with my baby girl, he is down stairs I've told him to stay away. I have no where to go I'm so far away from my family/friends. I have no where else I can go x

OP posts:

SewingAndCakes · 31/12/2015 23:04

Are you safe? Sorry this has happened to you. I think if you ask for your post to be moved to the relationships board you'll get a lot of good advice and support from others who've experienced similar.

Original poster

Hannit · 31/12/2015 23:05

This is why I know it's the last straw. The first time I decided to forgive him
But now I have my baby I can't let her see that. I feel so bad she did I'm still in shock from it all. I don't have my mum around or any really family etc so it's hard I don't know if I can do it alone x

OP posts:

intothebreach · 31/12/2015 23:06

Do you have anywhere safe you can go? What you are saying is very worrying. I think calling Women's Aid immediately would be a very good idea - they are great in this kind of situation (as I have reason to know). Please do call them, as soon as your partner can't hear you. I'll be back in a minute with the number x

RNBrie · 31/12/2015 23:06

Can you call Women's Aid now? Honestly you won't need to do it alone. They will help you.

intothebreach · 31/12/2015 23:07

Ah, someone has already posted the number. Please stay safe op.

Original poster

Hannit · 31/12/2015 23:09

Thank so much ladies, I'll most likely contact them Tomo he's swore not to come near me.. my little lady had me up all night ill last night and I'm up at 5 with work so I should probably get some sleep. Clear my head thanks for support xx

OP posts:

ThreeRuddyTubs · 31/12/2015 23:10

If he's strangling you things are very bad, he could very easily have done you serious harm and he meant to. Next time he could kill you, please get help and get away from him

Original poster

Hannit · 31/12/2015 23:11

Atleast I know there will be support for me I felt so alone the first time that's why I forgave him but this time I can't x

OP posts:

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 31/12/2015 23:18

You should consider calling the police. Even if it's their specialist DV support unit (I've read of that on other threads but don't have any experience personally). You may need to rely on their report further down the line should you ever need legal aid to deal with the fall out of what's happened tonight. At the very least, speak to someone & have this documented, GP or health visitor, or just go to OOH services to make sure your ok physically.

intothebreach · 31/12/2015 23:19

It's possible that women's aid might advise that you call the police - you have been assaulted, quite seriously, and this is also a safeguarding issue as your daughter was present.

I think you are incredibly brave, deciding to take action. I know how hard this can be.

Please call tonight. I know you're in shock, and possibly not in a great frame of mind but this is urgent.

Trying to strangle you is a really big danger sign, it is something that rings all sorts of alarm bells. I'm concerned that you're still in the house with him - and your baby! - but want you to make a safe plan for leaving because abuse can get a lot worse quite suddenly when women decide to stand up for themselves and their children.

Op, I also think it would be a good idea to make sure your dp can't read this thread.

LikeADivil · 31/12/2015 23:22

Was he drinking pet?

AnotherStitchInTime · 31/12/2015 23:26

I really think you need to call the Police.

If he tries this again tonight your baby girl could be left without her mummy.

Who looks after her while you work? If you don't feel able to call tonight then make sure you sleep in a locked room with dd then leave for work as normal so long as DD is with you. Call in sick to work and go and report it first thing.

ManicPixieDream · 31/12/2015 23:27

You need to ring the police sweetheart (women's aid will tell you to do that). I did exactly that a few days ago. I didn't want to. You need to do this for your baby girl. If he can strangle you he is 5 times more likely to kill you. Do it now. Tell them everything. You can do this.

queenofthepirates · 31/12/2015 23:41

Seconding all of the above, you need to call the police. There's every chance they will escort him to the cells for the night to give you the chance to call womens aid and arrange for somewhere else to live.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and glad you sound like your head's screwed on.

ManicPixieDream · 31/12/2015 23:47

Hannit are you ok? Have you phoned? Be brave. Tell them everything. X

Original poster

Hannit · 01/01/2016 05:49

Hi all , thanks for support all is ok, I'll be going to my dads and staying well away from him and his family.. His sister is 7 months pregnant and I called her last night whilst this was happening .. He took my child away to hers to "calm down" I tried to stop him obviously but I couldn't. I then begged his sister to bring her back as firstly I'm her mum and given the circumstances I don't want her with him.. I got accused of giving her grief and now she has carried on with him like nothing happened it just shows what people are really like ay. In a weird way I'm glad this has all happened as now people know who he is and what he's like and I can leave with my head held high with my daughter and make a better life for us. Thanks again ladies. X

OP posts:

toastyarmadillo · 01/01/2016 06:25

Thinking of you, please call woman's aid and seriously think about logging what happened with the police. It needs to be on record xxx

Atenco · 01/01/2016 06:33

I'm glad you are going to your dad's, Hannit. You are so brave and doing the right thing for yourself and your baby.

It is perfectly understandable that you forgave him the first time it happened. You shouldn't have, of course, but most of us did the same. My dd's ex attacked her when the baby was two months old and I was so glad that she did the right thing and kicked him out. He still sees his dd and is generally a good and loving father, but kicks off at least once a year, so I don't know how many more chances of having a relationship with his child my dd will give him. Fortunately, in their case, he is not on the birth cert.

From what I've learnt on mn, you should get this incident put on record, preferably with the police, but at least with a doctor, in case you need to restrict his access to your child to supervised visits.

DG2016 · 01/01/2016 07:05

You may be able to get a court order to have him excluded from the home you own together (if you want him out of your life) rather than you having to go to a women's aid hostel. A solicitor can apply for an emergency court injunction - an anti molestation order but you would need evidence of the wounds and your GP should see the damage and you should take photos on your phone. It is likely to be better for your child and you if you keep your home rather than leave it as long as that won't mean you are unsafe.
You can call a local family solicitors on 2nd Jan and if you have a low income then as there is domestic violence you should get legal aid to cover the costs or you might have family able to pay the court fees and costs,.

As someone says above you may also want the incident on police records too

Louloujay · 01/01/2016 18:32

I was where you are five months ago. Honestly getting out is he best thing you can do for yourself and for your baby. I lived through the realities of domestic violence as a child which is why when my ex held me up against a wall, 7weeks after my dd2 was born, I knew it was time to go. I logged the incident with the police but I admittedly requested he wasn't charged, just escorted away from my house and told not to return.

It might get worse before it gets better but it does get better. Things are still tricky between us when trying to arrange contact with the girls, because like you, I don't believe he would be an immediate danger to them, and whilst I don't think a lot of him, they have a right to learn who he is on their own. I waned the girls to have a mummy and daddy who live together, but the price was just too high. I'm at the point now though where I can see the wood through the trees and the only way is up!

Will be thinking of you, stay strong.

starry0ne · 01/01/2016 22:11

My Ex strangled me while I had my Ds in my arms...I reported it to the police...In honesty because he wouldn't let us out the house.. I can honestly say I am so glad I did...When Ex took me to court Legal aid was still available to low income ( which this may help you get legal aid now) but also when he took me to court ..Cafcass took the information seriously although he took a caution for Domestic abuse...

I do also advise you ring womens aid

Bexpboro · 01/01/2016 22:34

I've been in your situation and I left, womans aid helped me!! But looking back I wish I'd had him excluded from the home we shared because I literally left with nothing! It's been a long hard struggle to get where I am now, 2 years in fact! He basically got away with beating me and got everything we had built up together for 15 years! He doesn't see our daughter and doesn't pay maintenance! Just be safe but use your brain too, don't be a pushover like I was!! Get that ass hole out the house so you and your baby girl have somewhere to live! Get an occupation order on his ass!! It'll keep him away for a while until you get sorted!

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