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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Long term single parent

37 replies

feelingdizzy · 28/12/2015 14:03

Was just flicking through the threads here,and there are obviously lots from people who have just become single parents,asking for advice during those tricky few moths couple of years.
It made me think how long I have been a single parent for.13 yearsShock Both my kids were under 2 and are now obviously teens.
We have a great life I went back and trained as a teacher,the kids are happy they see their dad very sporadically.We have done pretty well and
I suppose I was wondering has anyone else been a single parent for their kids entire childhood?As would be nice to compare notes.
Also as I seem to be unintentionally a veteran at this Smile feel free to ask any questions,maybe I can try to help those of you just starting out.Sounds smug not supposed to!

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Original poster
feelingdizzy · 04/01/2016 08:59

Lovely to hear from more of you,we are a hidden bunch.Icando sounds like you are doing great,there is a perspective out there that as single parents there is something missing or broken in our homes.Their isn't my family is me and my kids we are strong together, nothing broken here.Smile
What do we all find the best and worst things ?for me I am so proud of me and the kids can't believe how we have survived and thrived sometimes.
The flip side if this Independence has been the weight of responsibility especially now in their teens,also trying to balance all needs including mine,I have a demanding job ,primary teacher so a lit of things to juggle.
However saying that I appear to be a lot less stressed than most at school,as I seemed to have learned stress management ,time management and an ability to let things go.Think I can thank longterm single parenting for that Smile

OP posts:
choccy51 · 04/01/2016 21:50

Hi, I've just joined. Just before my daughter was born I became a lone parent, that was 21 years ago. I had a ons Blush and my son was born 9 months later, he's 18 now. I have been on my own for so long that I don't think I could ever see myself in a relationship now. I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only long term LP Smile

Namechanger2015 · 07/01/2016 18:11

I'm only a year in, but loving it so far! I have 3 girls aged 3, 6 and 8 and I intend to stay single for a long while yet, and just enjoy living my new life without my abusive ex.

I echo what the earlier poster said - the version of me to be pitied was the one who was still married to the arse.

I am lucky enough to be living with parents whilst the divorce goes through so I have company/babysitters/support. I must admit I am apprehensive about coping once I am alone with the DDs day in and day out. ExH sees them for a couple of days each school holiday only, and so far refuses to pay any maintenance so I can imagine things getting tougher in the long run.

But definitely happier than during my marriage 😊

megletthesecond · 07/01/2016 22:23

7yrs in here. Split from XP when the dc's were 2 and 4 months. Yes? It was a billion times easier with a toddler and newborn on my own that with him getting angry and flouncing off to the pub every evening.

I do ponder whether it's the easiest time to do it. The dc's didn't know anything had really changed and they don't know any different. It's hard going but we survive.

OccamsLadyshaveToo · 07/01/2016 22:34

I'm 14 years in. Got pregnant with fwb and we both knew straight away that we didn't want a relationship so i knew from 2 weeks pregnant I'd be doing it alone. I'm lucky though that Dd's dad has always been involved and contributed. I get on well with him and his dp.

I did have a long distance relationship for a while but I'm happier single. No intention of meeting anyone for the foreseeable future.

I think that because dd has never known any different and because there was never a big split it's actually worked really well.

amarmai · 07/01/2016 23:51

decided to go it alone 40 years ago when my 3rd child was 6 mths old. I did the right thing not allowing another man to leach on me. No regrets and am loving being a gm .

Namechanger2015 · 08/01/2016 07:31

Amarmal you sound amazing! How old were your other two children? Did they miss having their dad around?

I wonder how my children will be affected by it, esp my 8 year old who (like me) is a people pleaser and is quite close to her emotionally abusive dad.

I love this thread. I am so glad to be a happy single parent and that I can live the way I want to!

Klaptout · 08/01/2016 07:38

I've been a solo parent over 7 years now since DH died, I did have a relationship but too difficult to manage alongside my children's additional needs, I'm not sure that will ever change.

amarmai · 08/01/2016 10:05

my boys were 6 and 4 . I made sure they saw their father as i took them to his every weekend . Eventually he started to pick them up. We were all better off with him out of the house. Looking back, it took my kids many years to come to the same conclusion as i did-better to stay clear of him. They were able to see him more clearly when he did not live with us . It took them into their teens to see his behaviour patterns. Not surprising as it took me many years to come to that conclusion. So you and your dd will have a long way to go yet, but time and distance gives all of us perspective. I def made 2 good decisions 1-to move him out and 2 not to move another one in! The pros outway the cons by far.Best wishes to you and your dd.

Hyggeligt · 09/01/2016 20:48

Hi
I have really enjoyed reading this and hearing about everyone's experiences.
I am a real newbie - I have formally been a single parent for 18 months, having had 2 years alone when my exh and I separated previously. It feels however that I have been doing this singlehandedly for a lot longer.
I work full time in teaching and have no family within 150 miles, with most abroad so it can be tough.feelingdizzy I am also calm at school - I think it because I have no real choice whether things get done or not and I am uber organised since being on my own!
Exh does have our daughter on occasion which is great but due to his living circumstances he often has 'his' time with her here (not so good) or she wouldn't be able to see him so much...this however should be changing soon. It does mean I have some time to myself, but it is not ideal him coming here.
The thing I miss is time to myself to do things I would really love to do, for me, but I see that in my married/coupled friends too. DD is 12 but she is not ready to be on her own in the house if I go out to run/walk etc on my own just yet - - it will come though..and I am often perpetually tired, I'm quite 'strict' with myself with getting things done, but with marking etc it can mean some stupidly late nights.
I have started 'Headspace' this year - I figure 10 mins a day is a good start Smile
Like most posts I have read though, I am a in a much better place since being on my own - I would rather have no free time and a somewhat limited (often non existent social life) and be at peace with myself than go back to where I was.
Reading how things change with time and acceptance and how everyone has managed is really helpful - thank you

(oops - sorry about the v long post!)

Flowerpower41 · 10/01/2016 07:17

My ds has been left on his own for an hour or so since he was 8 - surely by the time they are 12 they are more than ready!

I only do that every so often but he is quite happy. I am only out shopping or running an errand.

He is nearly 11. When he is 13 I will go out two evenings a month.

Blue14 · 10/01/2016 07:19

I have been a single parent for 17 years, love it, wouldn't have it any other way.

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