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Lone parents

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Original poster

Is this a reasonable letter to X"s mother at her request to see grandkids.

25 replies

fairyfly · 12/12/2006 05:58

I have an email out of the blue saying she is looking forward to seeing the kids as she is staying with her son over christmas.
I have sent this, please tell me if it is too.......well, too anything really.

Sorry "Mother of a Twat", "Twat" never gets in touch, i had no idea he would be wanting to see them.

I will have to have a few more details on what he thinks is going to happen but in all honesty his irregular contact is getting tiresome now. The children move on and then he requests them again. It is damaging and i have worked too hard for them to get messed up. They have no idea where they stand with him, they don't even get a phone call. "Twat" doesn't know anything about them, schooling, hobbies, friends, i have spent three years trying to keep him involved but it has caused nothing but heartache and arguments. My main priority is to keep my kids secure and happy so i will honestly see if they want to visit him ( they don't even talk about him anymore ) if they are fine with it then of course. But any sign they are not, i am not going to make them and have them crying ar my door when they have to leave. Sorry he just doesn't deserve that again. He expects too much for nothing in return.
We are getting on with our lives, financially and practically without him and i wish he would just close the door on us or get a grip on his parenting, this limbo is good for nobody.

Of course you are welcome to stay here a night or meet us for the day.

I was just about to send t but i'm not sure if i should be more neutral and less inflamatory, what do you think?

OP posts:
sunnywong · 12/12/2006 06:08

Press the goddamn button

press it send it do it

BudaBauble · 12/12/2006 06:10

Yes poss less inflamatory would be good depending on your relationship with her.

Something like:

I understand you would like to see the children over Xmas. Whilst I have no objections to this I do have concerns that this will just set the children up for more disappointment with regard to seeing their father. As you know (if she does) I have tried hard to help maintain regular contact between the children and their father but he regularly lets them down and they were getting very upset. They appear to have moved on now and don't talk about him any more. I really do not want to upset them again. Perhaps we could meet for lunch somewhere?

Original poster
fairyfly · 12/12/2006 06:15

Dam you sw, its gone.

Budha, i think she would just think i was being odd as it's not really like me to write like that.

It's done now, i await the verbal abuse off x with anticipation.

OP posts:
BudaBauble · 12/12/2006 06:21

Keep us updated!

Def off for shower now!!

ellesbellsringsoutforchristmas · 12/12/2006 09:19

excellently worded fairy! it would be nice if ex mil sees your kids over xmas. too many kids are shut off from their family. glad you said she is welcome at your house...shame you couldnt add the 'twat' in you e'mail tho!! let us know what the reply is!

FioFio · 12/12/2006 16:38

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7swansaswimmingup · 12/12/2006 17:48

sounds fine to me

nutcracker · 12/12/2006 17:51

Sounds great to me.

I'd love to send xp's mother a letter like that but then would mean her acknowledging that she has grandchildren in the first place.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/12/2006 17:57

Sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

You didnt remove the "twats", right?

FioFio · 12/12/2006 17:58

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FioFio · 12/12/2006 17:58

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/12/2006 18:00

ROFL

Mother-of-a-cunt is quite an insult......

SenoraPostrophe · 12/12/2006 18:00

good for you ff. it would have been unreasonable without the last sentence, but with it is perfectly fine (and I hate upsetting people)

whatwouldjesusdo · 12/12/2006 18:28

its very straight. I think that I would appreciate getting a letter like that if my son neglected his children (probably without the Twat though. No woman wants to be told that she is the mother of a Twat.). Is his mother really aware of the extent to which he is out of touch with them, or does he feed nice comforting stories to her?

FioFio · 12/12/2006 18:31

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yulemoonfiend · 12/12/2006 18:41

fairyfly - i would have done exactly the same, my best mate has been in a very similar sitaution last xmas and we composed a very similar letter

rainbowgirl · 12/12/2006 22:24

it's a great letter!!!

however, mums always believe the very best about their sons, even when the truth is staring them in the face, in my experience...

have you had a response yet?

Original poster
fairyfly · 13/12/2006 07:14

Mother of a cunt doessn't realise the extent of his cuntness. I think he dines out on the couple of times he has seen them.Also he forgets to mention he doesn;t pay maintenence, i get thirty pounds a week apparently.

No reply

I hate to think i have upset them all and shall never see them again

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/12/2006 14:08

If I were him I'd be embarrassed to admit it was only £30 per week!!!

And you get nothing!!!

Blardy hell!

You see, I have never felt that wrangles over access and maintenance should stop a father seeing his children, but fucking hell - he clearly doesnt give a shit!!!! He probably only makes contact to see them because his Mother has been bending his ear.

What a cock.

I would imagine, whatever his mothers stance is - she'll be too embarrassed to reply.......I know I would be if my son behaved like that.

FestiveFrex · 13/12/2006 14:12

This is where we differ. I do think that the question of maintenance and contact should be linked. If a father can't be *rsed to contribute to the cost of his children, it should be accepted that he probably only sees the children in order to be a pain in butt to the mother or as a means of continued control. I do wish the courts could see this.

Liked the email FF. Hope twat's mother realises what she gave birth to.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/12/2006 17:59

Oh I agree with that Frex, but, its when refusing access is used as a punishment for a misdemeanor is what I mean.

It certainly doesnt apply at all here....was just mumbling out loud

FestiveFrex · 13/12/2006 19:39

I know. Mumble away.

FF, any response to your email??

Original poster
fairyfly · 14/12/2006 07:17

No response, i know she has checked her emails too as she popped up on msn. ( i added her to it years ago in the hope the boys and her would chat, they can't be arsed, one of those names i should delete.)

In this case it is definitly a means of control, although since my boyfriend had a word with him he has stopped calling me a slag. Funny that.

OP posts:
FestiveFrex · 14/12/2006 09:13

I should imagine that, as a mother who has little idea of what a shit her son is, it might take her a while to compose a reply. She may even be checking with her son about the obvious lies he has been telling her. Love to be a fly on the wall for that particular conversation.

MamaG · 14/12/2006 09:17

Very reasonable letter ff. Well done for the last sentence too!

You are obviously putting your children first all the way, so hats off to you.

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