Had enough

[EverythingsDozy]

I've been a single mum to DD (5) and DS (3) for almost 2 years. Their father and I had a bad split (caught him in my bed on nye with another woman who he now has a baby with). I suffered postnatal depression with both of them and I'm still on antidepressants for that.
My DD is having tummy problems, she's got constipation with overflow diarrhoea (the constipation seems to have gone but I'm still dealing with heavily soiled knickers) and my DS has always had tummy troubles (milk and soya intolerance, currently under control but has recently started having bladder problems and wet accidents a lot), he is also a particularly difficult child. Neither of them will leave me alone for a minute, I feel constantly mithered. They bicker and argue and whinge all day long. My youngest will constantly misbehave and I have no clue how to rectify this.
I'm just so fed up. I can't do it any more. I thought it was meant to get easier but it's getting harder every single day. Every day it feels like a chore to get up and do what needs to be done. I feel like I'm becoming one of those angry mums who just shouts all the time. I want to enjoy my kids but it's just too hard, I really don't enjoy the time I have with them. I don't know what to do. I don't even know where to start to fix it.

That sounds really tough to manage all on your own. I had all three of mine with a tummy bug just for a few days and it nearly broke me...there is something uniquely sole destroying about cleaning up other people's poo, even if it is your own children! I can't really offer any advice that will magic anything better but I can tell you that my children definitely go through stages of behaviour. Last year I thought I could no longer cope with my daughter; her behaviour was off the wall. Two brothers in quick succession ruined her perfect single child life and youngest in the class, two things I could not change or control. But I started a dream box, where she told me her worries and I wrote them and put the in a special box we had decorated together. The dream fairy took away the paper in the night and left various fairy dust. Trying to add special magical time with her helped so much and when her behaviour levelled out there was less bickering and fighting. I am not a single parent but I feel like one in some times (marital issues & dh works away a lot). I have lost all my pride and ask and take help anywhere I can, friends offer and I say yes. Keep strong, you are your children's world.

I would love to spend time with just my DD. She started reception in September (and is doing amazingly, I'm so proud of her) and my DS is in nursery 15 hours a week so it means I have two week days where it's just me and DS and I'm never alone with just DD. I will ask my mum to have DS occasionally so it's just me and her but not often.
I'm currently looking for a job because I can't do the SAHM mum on benefits any more. The idea was that I would get voluntary work so I could get experience in the field I want to work in (so I can put my degree to good use!) but I think I'm just going to give up on what I want and just get a full time job.

Can you re-arrange the hours ds is at nursery so that he's at nursery in the afternoons and you can collect dd from school and have her to yourself for a couple of hours that way? Or does his nursery run only during school hours?

And why give up on getting some experience through volunteering? Now is really the best time you'll ever have, because ds is at nursery for 15 hours a week so you can do volunteer work during those 15 hours. Why do you want/feel you need to give up on that right now and get a full time job?

I could probably rearrange. I just picked mornings so I had time to myself to do household jobs, do the weekly shop etc. Stuff that's too hard to do with the kids around. And it means he gets a really good lunch. We do a lot in the evenings so if they're both having a good lunch I don't mind giving them a small dinner.

I'm just fed up of being on benefits. I hate being at home. I'm still trying to get my volunteering on track. I applied at the start of the year and I still haven't started the placement yet. It's so disheartening. And I'm tired of feeling like a scrounger on benefits. I want to show my kids that if they want something they need to earn it and I don't at the moment. Sometimes I feel like I can't even have an opinion because I'm on benefits. More than once I've seen people say "well if the government weren't paying for people on benefits then they'd be able to afford xyz". So I can't have an opinion on xyz because I'm taking the money to pay for it.
I've been looking at part time so I can still volunteer but I just don't know.

Well I will probably go to hell but I give my 6 yr old the iPad after bath, put the boys down, so they get story time and a really good bedtime. 20 mins later, take iPad away and hVe quality bedtime with dd. only possible if they are not sharing, unless you put dd in your bed. It's really good to have some one to one every day.

That's actually a really good idea. My two both go to bed at 7pm but perhaps if I send my DS at 7pm and then I could spend 30 mins with DD. Maybe not every night, maybe some nights just to do her reading homework. It would be nice just to be with her.

They do share a (tiny!!) room but if I got her pjs on before she could definitely sneak in. DS is a heavy enough sleeper