I don't even know where to begin. My ex and I met when we were both 11 we've always been very close.
Liked the same music, films and are very unique. We started a relationship when we were in out teens and by the age of 16 a pattern of domestic violence started.
When we were 19 we had a baby who died and both of us got really emotionally ill and used substances to cope in 2010 we had our beautiful daughter.
I was by then off substances and all was well for us for a few years, two years ago there was a awful scene where he told me had called SS which was a lie and forced me to stay awake for 24 hours I was distraught and when leaving he was telling me I couldn't leave with DD he also told me he was dating this girl which was a lie he wasn't at the time.
I left and didn't contact him. We didn't speak for 18 months. when out of the blue my Mum called and said that he had been in contact he's really ill been in hospital but clean and sober and wants to see his daughter.
It took me a month to work out what to do, I wrote non send letters, seeked advice from friends did some research discovered he wasn't with this girl, spent many nights awake thinking of him.
I eventually called him and it all was really nice, it felt great to be able to talk music with someone and to talk about our daughter he has a great sense of humour and was making me laugh. It instantly went into obsession and before long I started getting messages from the girl he was hanging out with not nasty just hi if you need ex and his not around here's my number. It turns out he wanted to be with her she didn't want to be with him but once my ex started talking to me she decided they should be together.
Also his Mum started sending me abusive messages his Mum is not well and this is her thing, she does this with anyone she can't control. Then the girlfriend goes on holiday and the ex comes and stays with me for a week, during this week he's pretty much perfect buys our daughter lots of toys acts lovely. I had very strict boundaries around him but by mid week. I start feeling pure love for him he tells me he wants to marry me, have another baby with me. We make plans lots of them also during this time his Mum is going crazy calling my Mum and being abusive.
He returns home and there is hardly no contact the girlfriend has returned and has gone through his phone seen all the messages. I block her as I don't like that controlling behaviour.
Now there's hardly no calls, he last called last week, he didn't make any effort over half term he made sure contact was made a couple of days after half term.
, I'm so alone, I have bad dreams and I'm exhausted looking after our daughter and he treats his girlfriend so nice and completely abused me and yet I still can't stop thinking about him.
I've been so poorly even calling the samaritans. I just can't see life without him.