Overnight contact

[GEM33]

Not been here for a while. Brief background. He left when dd was 2. Has refused to help and only wanted dd every other sat 11-5. This has gone on for 2 years

He now wants overnight every other sat and mid week. My worries are that my now 4 yr old dd hasn't had enough contact to be comfortable with this yet. I was hoping she would go overnight when she wanted to. She co sleeps with me and is very closely attached to me. I have never denied contact and always wanted more for her but he refused so I don't know why the sudden change.

I've said I will discuss things with him. He is very unreasonable and I just hope he is willing to see things from dd perspective.

i know my dd and I know she would prefer to stay with me at night and see her dad more often in the week and do overnights when she is bit more ready towards the end of next year. My fingers are crossed he is prepared to put in the leg work but am pretty sure he will view this as me just standing in his way.

Any comments appreciated. (Ps. Any co sleepers of same age had first overnight contact and how did it go??)

I think at any age overnights are going to be tough ...Partly for you..

My Ds went on his first sleep over with his friend at 4...

I am not sure how much more time he could do to build it up... is she at school? could you suggest Friday night - Saturday as if she doesn't sleep well you can catch up Saturday night and have a lazy Sunday.

Seeing his child sleep doing bedtime routine can be a great way to develop the bond.

Do your children/child stay over with their dad? How do you cope? I am absolutely dreading it myself. I know I won't sleep and I will sob myself to sleep if I do sleep at all. I won't let my dd know how I feel. I want to sell it to her and make her feel excited and happy about it. It's going to be so so hard. I feel awful that he can leave me for someone else, cut us off, not provide anything for dd and then out the blue want to pick her up again now his new relationship is established and everything on his terms. I can't suggest when him having her would suit me and dd better. He says that's what he wants and if I don't comply ...court. There's no talking to him. I just hope my dd is ok. I just want her to be secure, safe and happy.

I think you can discuss it with her but imho its her choice.

As for why I'm guessing new girlfriend and wants to impress?

I think whenever they start doing overnights it is tricky. You are right you need to present it to her as a great and exciting thing however you feel.
It will get easier for you the more she goes and you will get into your little routine of what you do when she goes.
After two years of day time contact it is highly likely a court would award him overnight contact. Whilst it seems it is all on his terms fighting it maybe futile. I think the idea of Friday/ Saturday to start with is a good idea.

Exactly the same situation GEM33 and feeling the same. It just seems wrong doesn't it?

Actually I think it's important to suggest what works for both of you. He can't take you to court without first attempting mediation in any case. And if you have offered Friday overnight, if you actually get to court then it will demonstrate that you have made a reasonable proposal and he'll be on the back foot trying to explain why he's pushing for something else.

I would start with every other Friday, then build up to what he's asked for if that works for your daughter.

He sees her for 12 hours a month, that is to little to jump to overnight contact. He needs to build up with full days and an evening in the week. If he won't budge and allow time to build things up then let him figure out the court route.

Will the courts get him to
Build? I'm scared of court. Also feel
That overnight particularly hard for a toddler