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Original poster

Fear of fallout in regards to ex leaving country - should kids see him?

14 replies

isolde76 · 05/12/2006 20:44

Hi. Basically my ex, who has been very very nasty to me, verbally and emotionally has just said that he is leaving the country for good to go back to his home country. Relief in many ways. But I am so worried about what to tell the kids who are 7 and 5. He is also wanting to see them before he goes, which with a normal person would be a reasonable request, but I don't want him damaging the kids. There was an incident earlier this year where I was half an hour late to pick them up and he said to them (after letting himself into my place and smashing things up), 'Give Daddy a kiss goodbye, he's leaving to go back to forever, and will never see you again'. Needless to say, they were extremely traumatised. I am so worried. Do I tell them? Do I let them see him? I just don't knw anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
isolde76 · 05/12/2006 20:47

Oh and he has told me today that he only married me to get into the country and that he would never have stayed with me if it wasn't for the kids. And that he cheated on me throughout the marriage, even in my bed. That was in the hundreds of emails and texts, and about 9 voicemail messages. I feel sick.

OP posts:
xmasmummy · 05/12/2006 23:01

i wouldnt bother letting him see the kids then hun. did he smash your place up in front of them? it sounds like you will be better off just being rid of him for good.

lou33 · 05/12/2006 23:03

he sounds like my ex, apart from teh cheating thing

he is spending time between cambodia and thailand, and has told the kids he isnt coming back because he has nowhere to stay

he isnt from thailand or cambodia btw, he just ran off there

SherlockLGJ · 05/12/2006 23:06

Between Cambodia and Thailand he hasn't managed to get two women PG has he ?? Or is he just doing his usual, running away from RL ??

lou33 · 05/12/2006 23:13

lol, poor him you know, he didnt get a proper visa so he has to leave thailand for so long , and rely on his friend to occasionally give him jobs so he can feed him and his gf (only one as far as i know)

he still thinks i have it all and he has nothing, and its all so terribly hard for him

Original poster
isolde76 · 05/12/2006 23:42

Yes, he smashed up things in front of them. When we were together he did it often, and it accelerated when the affair came out. Had to call the police on him after he shoved me around in front of them too. I have spent about an hour on the phone to my parents who are being very supportive, it's just so hard and I feel like I am having a meltdown. I have made a decision to leave my job tomorrow I think, as it is just too much.

OP posts:
xmasmummy · 06/12/2006 10:17

i would cut off all contact with him im afraid. a man who can smash things up and be violent towards you in front of your kids just isnt really worth having around. my ex hit me once in front of our daughter- she was a baby and didnt bat an eyelid and i didnt let him see the kids for two weeks until he had apologised profusely and promised never to do it again.

lou33 · 06/12/2006 10:22

i wouldnt let him see the kids

ChristmasCaroligula · 06/12/2006 10:25

Just don't let him near them.

There is absolutely no benefit to them in risking having him near them.

He might do all this again in six months time. Just hope that this time, he means it and will leave the effing country and not come back.

Piffle · 06/12/2006 10:25

I'm usually in favour of kids seeing their fathers whenver possible but this guy you have to ask what good wil it do the kids if theere are no positives for the kids coming out if it,
He uses them to hurt you.
No deal
Bet you're glad he is going, kids make up their own minds in future years so keep calm to them about it.

Emskilou · 06/12/2006 10:25

Cut all contact he is not being a father to your children he is using them as weapons in his sad little mind games to hurt you, if he was being a a father to his children he wouldn't do ANYTHING to hurt them. It is hard but they will honestly be better off not seeing him. This is only my opinion of course so you do what you feel is right, I hope everything will work out well for you and your children

foxinsocks · 06/12/2006 10:31

hello you (if you are who I think you are and if you aren't, then I apologise!)

I wouldn't let him see them but I guess you'll have to tell the kids where he's gone.

I do feel terribly sorry for you because I know he is the only break you get from the kids atm and I know how hard that can be.

What are you going to do once you've chucked in the job?

Original poster
isolde76 · 06/12/2006 12:40

Thank you all, I really appreciate saying what I know to be true. My son adores him and is going to find it really hard to cope with it all and that is my biggest worry to be honest. I am glad that he is going!

Today I handed in my notice! Last day of work is tomorrow and I can't even tell you how relieved I am. Now I can concentrate on important issues, eg my kids! And yes fox, I am who you think I am (but we already had this convo earlier of course )! I am going to have to try and survive on benefits now I suppose, although my dear parents said they would help me out too. So next step, lone parent adviser! :s

The child support agency called me this morning too. This is one of the things he has been kicking off about - that i have not 'called them off'. If he leaves, it will be outside their jurisdiction to do anything, but to be quite frank I don't know if I could be bothered with the hassle of trying to get anything out of him. Apparently he has been most unhelpful in regards to complying with them. There's a surprise!

OP posts:
xmasmummy · 09/12/2006 21:50

isolde- benefits aint that bad hun. i got four kids and am on benefits, i get by fine apart from just before xmas but once it over i even have cash for a few little luxuries xxxx

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