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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Why is this bothering me so much (stupid rant, sorry)

22 replies

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:07

Been split up from ex-h for over 3 years now and am generally happy and 'over him' to all intents and purposes. Don't see him at all, his choice but he blames me (of course) and don't have any communication with him so no problems there. Just found his website address in some old paperwork and went on out of very morbid curiosity to see what he'd said about me on his deathly boring forums. He'd said very little but has told all his geeky 14-year old (I'm not joking, they are that old) forum mates that I'm evil, that he's had such a tough time and that I used to throw things at him (erm, turn that around love!).

Also found out he's apparently earning a nice wage (well he doesn't have a child to support does he!), has treated himself to laser eye surgery, a flash car, loads of pc equipment etc etc. And he's hinted he's getting married again!!

The married thing doesn't really bother me, except for the amazement that there's someone naaive, desperate or chavvy enough to want him. The money thing though is really playing on my mind, and I'm not sure why. I'm never jealous of people with more money and 'stuff', good luck to them, there's very little I want, but it just seems wrong that he's such a prat and thinks he's lording it up when for all he knows (or cares) his own child could be starving. Or would he have to admit I'm a better person than him so he knows I wouldn't let that happen.

Why is this winding me up all of a sudden? I knew he wouldn't be on the dole and would have cash to spare, its just seeing it in black and white when all he's given his dd is £20 and a rubbishy present every birthday and xmas (I mean rubbishy, stuff you'd expect off a great aunt).

Phew, thats out

OP posts:

PanicPants · 04/12/2006 22:09

Can't you go to the csa?

Original poster

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:12

Tried that, had to when I was on Income Support and all they did was take 6 months to tell me they couldn't find him - whoppee doo. Not sounding sarky at you PP, just at the useless CSA.

OP posts:

Daisyinbloom · 04/12/2006 22:18

Are there no contact details on his website? If he's that big headed to write about himself then just maybe there is a way...
And you're right, the reason it's winding you up is because your DD has to go without while he gets on with his life. maybe try again with the CSA? Might be worth a try, he shouldn't get away with it.

Original poster

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:23

There's no details on his site, he lives through pc's - mainly emails and msn, don't think he'd be fully aware he has a RL address, apart from for delivery of new pc parts. The csa, here at least, don't seem to care unless a bloke comes begging to pay money to them. I may be bl**dy minded and email him with a bill for her keep and ask what sort of payment terms he'd like, just have a lot of pride and don't really want any help from him because then he can't say he ever lifted a finger for her (but I want him to be poor and miserable too). Its pathetic, its not even so much about dd going without, its the fact that he's going 'with' - and getting pity for 'having such a tough time'!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

SillyBillyBee · 04/12/2006 22:26

WK007, is the website actually his? Theres site where you can find out contact addresses for website owners. Can have a look for you if you want, as a single parent myself it annoys me when people hide from the CSA

Original poster

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:29

Site is his but its registered with GoDaddy and his address on WHOIS (is that what you meant) is hidden. Is there another way or did you mean WHOIS?

OP posts:

SillyBillyBee · 04/12/2006 22:42

It was WHOIS and the related sites I was meaning, my friend who works in IT found another way of finding it out though (don't have a clue how, he did it at work for me when I was doing some digging on my ex whose address was also hidden on WHOIS lol). If you want me to ask him to have a go for you I can.

Original poster

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:47

Because its registered through a 3rd party I don't hold out much hope but if your friend wouldn't mind (if its loads of work don't bother) that would be great. Do you accept MN emails, I can email you the web address.

OP posts:

SillyBillyBee · 04/12/2006 22:58

Hi, you can email me at mumsnetlr @ hotmail . co . uk (remove spaces). I'm off to bed now but will check my emails tomorrow and ask my friend to have a look when he gets bored at work lol

Original poster

WK007 · 04/12/2006 22:59

Thankyou so much!!!

OP posts:

SillyBillyBee · 05/12/2006 23:11

Hi WK007, I got your email and have sent an email to my friend, he said he would look when he got chance, and then I'll email you

ninah · 05/12/2006 23:16

know just how you feel. My ex has let ds's room out plus two more rooms in house, earns a whacking salary and gives us f all. Have to just laugh and say 'it's only money'! cos the alternative is just too grim.

ellesbellsringsoutforchristmas · 06/12/2006 14:26

yep! im another one on my own bringing up his dd on F**K ALL! i know what you mean about not wanting the money but wanting him to be poor!!! i watch his e'bay account now an then and see that he buys himself and his new womans kids nintendos, other games and stuff (he even bought himself a guitar for 200 quid) yet hasnt so much as provided a nappy for our DD!!

MascaraOHara · 06/12/2006 14:47

Another one here who gets sod all. CSA are shite.

Original poster

WK007 · 11/12/2006 20:04

Glad I'm not all on my own in this but that it happens so much!!! Its not really revenge that I want him to be poor, I just want to see how he'd cope if he was, because I know it would be far worse than I cope!!!!

Just think its so annoying how these men get away with having everything they want, forgetting their responsibilities and then the minute the 'forgotten mum' kicks up the slightest fuss or won't give them everything they want, they're up on Buckingham Palace in a stupid costume (which was no doubt bought out of the money they saved not paying maintenance)!

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 11/12/2006 20:47

Have you looked him up on www.192.com which has the electoral role (and telephone directory if he's not ex directory).

persephonesnape · 11/12/2006 21:50

warrrrrrrrrrgh!

i absolutely chuffing HATE this. no maintenance from my ex for almost three years and he's buying his gf shoes and or a handbag for her birthday! I've sent my kids to school with parcel tape holding their school shoes together.

I do actually like her, i just want my kids to have shooooooes!

as an aside - we all know we don't like the csa - could you still bring a civil case for maintenance? or does it have to be via the CSA these days?

Judy1234 · 11/12/2006 22:47

That's what I think they're going to change. You used to have to bring it yourself. Then they brought in this wonderful CSA (although some people still have court orders which deal with child support) and now I think the new body when it's out will just do the hard cases and I think you'll be able to bring your own claim so might be worth waiting for that.

ellesbellsringsoutforchristmas · 12/12/2006 09:28

i took advice on taking out a civil case and at the moment you cant unless its above the level of income that the csa deal with. ive had a letter from the csa this morning, reducing my maintenance (not that ive received any yet!!??) they have taken 20% off for two kids that belong to the new gf even though they are already getting maintenance form their real father??? it now works out that they get more than my DD?? and this 'assessment' was done under the 'new rules'

mummytosteven · 04/05/2007 19:25

he might just be a lying git up to his eyes in debt to pay for it all...

NuttyMuffins · 04/05/2007 19:29

Hi WK, nice to see you back.

I can see why this is annoying you, and if I found out the same about xp i'd be annoyed too but tbh at the moment i wouldn't give a toss if xp was earning shit loads if he left me and the kids alone and stopped pretending he was interested in them.

hayes · 04/05/2007 19:35

i agree that the CSA are only interested in hounding the dads that are already paying and have done so from day one. Hope you get something sorted out

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