Dads extended family

[Sarahlubbings]

First time doing this so be gentle! I have a 15 year old daughter who lives with me and have been separated from
her dad for more than 2 years. I have very few family members none of whom I see regularly due to distance. Her dads family is very large and local. I have at no time restricted her dad or the extended family access but it has now got to the point where it is proving unhealthy. An example of this is she was in hospital this week for an operation and her dad and relatives spoke with medical staff in my absence but did not pass on any of the information. Her dad is now saying he is going to involve social
Services because I had contacted CMS as he had stopped paying maintenance and they were told by me she doesn't stay with him. He is also trying to coerce her into staying
with him every weekend and telling her if she stays with aunts which she does on regular basis that maintenance will be reduced accordingly. His family and he also want her to go to a counsellor, the aunts tried to force her to go to one two weeks ago. All these actions are not only having a detrimental effect on her and I relationship plus more importantly on her schoolwork. So the question is how do I deal with their over involvement in her life and stop them pushing me out of the picture as a parent?

Why do they want her to see a Counsellor? That in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing i.e. couldn't be detrimental to her and could be healthy? If she is being used to score points in this scenario it could be healthy for her to have someone to talk to who is objective (not the aunts) as they won't take sides, will be there for her?

Sounds like he's trying to punish you for going to the CMS. Don't let that stop you. They will decide about contact and the amount to be paid, it's not up to him. Social services won't 'do something' to you for contacting the CMS, that's your right.

You might also consider going to Citizens Advice? In case you need legal help further down the road.. they would probably advise you record everything in case you're not already doing that.

Can you take your daughter out for the day somewhere, mother and daughter and have a chat with her about what she really wants in terms of contact and make it clear you'll do what's in her interests not involve her in a power struggle between adults - so if she doesn't want to stay with her dad as much as he is asking for, she feels like she has support in saying no?

she is 15...so it is about her and them really. seeing a counsellor is a good thing not a bad thing. she can see someone in confidence and have her views listened too.

why are they suggesting a counsellor? is she unhappy? problems at school? you allude to problems with schoolwork?

if you sit down with her and agree when she is with you and when she is with dad then there should be no issue - what she does on dad-days is between her and dad (and his wider family) - so say no to every weekend and insist it's every other weekend. then jsut focus on you and her and that relationship and leave him out of your mind..

the medical thing = as parent he is entitled to speak to medical staff, so are you. so you can go to the medical staff and request information.

CMS - just continue speaking to them and giving the information as as it is - they will decide not you or him. let him speak to SS if he wants I cannot see them taking any notice...