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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Good Mother????

9 replies

Hippymonk · 28/09/2015 14:56

Hi, I am a single father if 2 boys aged 14 and 12. Their mother lives about 100 miles away and there are some issues between her and the lads. Firstly she has blocked them on her facebook and instagram after some comments were put on there in anger over a month ago. They have apologised to her and swore it will never happen again but she will not put them back on either site. This was the way they had most contact with her as she was always saying her phone signal was poor. She has only seen them for a maximum of 17 hours in 6 weeks and even though she says they are the most important people to her she would rather go to a party than see the boys next weekend. She constantly lies to them and they have caught her out a few times but she continues to do it. The boys have told me they are falling out of love with her and that she is always hurting them,letting them down and disappointing them. I am stuck in the middle trying to keep the relationship between the boys and their mother alive but i fear i am fighting a losing battle.I am open to suggestions and any help would be gratefully received

OP posts:

Original poster

Hippymonk · 28/09/2015 15:16

Sorry forgot to add....She only saw my eldest for 3 hours on his birthday....it took us longer to get there and back. She will only ring and speak to them when she says,they cant ring her whenever they want to talk to her and we have no way of contacting her in an emergency between 08:00 and 20:00 due to her job. As i have said She does work but has given no finacial support at all so far

OP posts:

TheGirlFromIpanema · 28/09/2015 15:30

You just have to get on with offering as much love and support as possible imo.
You have to pick them up when the other parent lets them down.

You can't force a person to be an involved parent so those of us left behind have to get on with being the one real, stable, loving parent.

It's hard work but you will cope. You just have to

BrandNewAndImproved · 28/09/2015 15:37

Get onto the csa or whatever it's called now.

You can't make her be a good parent what you can do is protect your dc from being more hurt. Don't make any effort to contact her or sort arrangements out but at the same time don't block it either. Don't facilitate it and if she can make the effort to come and see them or collect them then that great, if she can't well it's her loss.

starlight2007 · 28/09/2015 15:41

Kids generally aren't stupid and it seems like they are waking up to her not been a great mum..

I would be supporting them with their emotions without colluding.

I would also be working on making sure they both can be a different places with how they feel.

Maybe encourage them to write a letter about how they feel and what they would like to change..

starlight2007 · 28/09/2015 15:43

I also agree about the finance ..Go to the CMS Your children have a right to be supported

Original poster

Hippymonk · 28/09/2015 15:59

What i don't underdstand is the fact that up until we split she idolised them she was a fantastic mother there was nothing and i mean nothing she wouldn't do for them. They chose to stay with me due to their entire life being here,school,family,friends,etc,etc. She sats she wants us to be clise friends and wants things amicable between us but it seems only to be on her terms. Her new job is with a travel company and has repeatedly said that we can now get cheap holidays TOGETHER as a family. The things she comes out with are strange...i think she's lost the plot. She constantly lies to the boys but its stupid meaningless lies that if she told the truth wouldn't make a blind bit if difference.

OP posts:

starlight2007 · 28/09/2015 19:02

Do you think she resents the fact the boys decided to stay with you..

Regardless of the answer..You cannot make any parent want to parent.... You can only respond to how they behave.

Original poster

Hippymonk · 28/09/2015 21:00

I have actually thought that myself, that she resents the fact they chose here (not me) over her as they have both said if she was local they in all likelihood would have stayed with her,which i totally understand as i am a firm beliver that a mother is far more important to children than a father.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 28/09/2015 22:34

not necessarily depends on the parents involved and the children involved.

I would imagine she is feeling hurt that they chose your location over her location, but is not dealing with it in a very adult way. perhaps she is getting a few comments about being a terrible mother (mothers seem to be judged more harshly for moving away than fathers as this is not so frequent an occurance)

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