How do you sort contact with teens?

[composemail]

For a variety of reasons dd has not seen her Dad for around four or five years. This is due to issues his side and not me stopping him.

He can deal with teens, he has mates who are teens and he has stated he will want to see her 'at some point'

I am making no comment on the situation. I just want to know if he gets access how you handle it with younger teens?

Dd has her own life now. She does a sport which is on Saturday and Sunday morning as well as a day during the week. Competitions are often at the weekend. She has mates and wants to go out with them.

Will they just expect her to drop all that every other week?

Hi compose.

My experience of the courts is that they are unwilling to make orders for teens without their consent and express wish..

for example my eldest (even age 12) was specifically excluded from the order telling me to make my other children available for contact at particular times and dates. The judge made it clear that as an adult responding to a young person my ex was responsible for building a relationship with her on her terms and that she was to be considered as someone with autonomy and the right to decide for herself.

You don't say how old or how mature you DD is and I don't know what sort of person her Dad is...

however i would set up a way for him to reach her (maybe a separate email account just for use between him and her early on) if he actually decides to DO anything about contact this would be a safe way for them to reconnect without him intruding into her "other" life...she can then decide whether to share a phone number/facebook/real life with him on her own terms.

good luck

Thank you fool on the hill. That is interesting, She is 12 but nearly 13. I have set up an email for that reason. In the past i encouraged him to contact, paid for transport, meals, cinema etc and set up emails, face time, numbers he could contact free of charge but contact ended up more and more sparodic and my feeling is dd is old enough now to decide herself.

I think that makes sense. Let her be in the driving seat but of course you're there to help her out if she has any issues, feels torn, has a conflict, he starts harrassing her etc.

I don't have a teen and my Ex doesn't see DS...

Does he have any email or other form of contact.

Personally if he has none I would set up a seperate email by not tell DD about it..If he emails tell her about it, ask her if she wants to read it. Let her know you will support whatever choices she makes

However wants to see her at some point seems far to vague to open up a can of worms in a teen. Esp if he doesn't bother.

I think you can say you have done enough to enable contact now he has to make an effort.