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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

should I do it or not?

17 replies

whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 20:34

I am a regular, not a troll, but have changed myname for obvious reasons.

I am divorced, and havent had sex for more than 3 years. But, due to unusual circumstances, I find myself living in our old marital home for a few weeks. Children are not here, in fact the only other person here is a rather attractive, single man, a little younger than me. He is lonely, and has some problems that are not of his making, and it is almost my duty to cheer him up as much as possible

He is impeccably well behaved, but has indicated in small ways that he would like to sleep with me if I want (eg he touched my fingers when he was showing me something on my car, not by accident).

If I dont sleep with him, I will probably regret it. I may never get married again, and cant drunken party sort of stuff. But if I do sleep with him, how much will it upset me emotionally, bearing in mind that I will soon be back to my real life?
Also, he is Muslim and comes from the same community as my ex and his family, who I still see. Therefore, it may come back on me or my children one day if I sleep with this guy.

what would you do? Im especially interested in the views of muslim mumsnetters. Im not exactly a virgin bride, will it be really badly seen if I sleep with him?

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 21:27

oh come on you lot - say something!

I dont know what to do.

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LoveMyGirls · 29/11/2006 21:30

im english so not much help but i would sleep with him, as long as you use protection what harm can it do? unless he is the type to go round telling everyone.

just wondering how you have suddenly found yourself in the same house as a young single guy without your kids or ex there? seems too good an opportunity to miss after going without for almost 4 yrs imo.

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7swansaswimmingup · 29/11/2006 21:31

go for it if youre not gona get hurt by the ex finding out

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LoveMyGirls · 29/11/2006 21:31

only you know how much it will upset you but if you like him etc then it could make your life happier? its not really anyone elses business who you sleep with surely? unless he is your brothers cousin or something

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 21:32

Its a long story, but that was my thoughts too - much too good an opportunity to miss!

He doesnt seem especially talkative, but I dont trust the muslim mens network.

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7swansaswimmingup · 29/11/2006 21:35

dont really know much about muslim men and how they chat,does gossip go round the grapevine pretty quickly? if it does, id say no and buy a vibrator or find a non-muslim lover?

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 21:38

have met loads of men, but wouldnt let any of them over my threshold tbh. This one is different, very nice.

I havent even managed to hide the kids christmas pressies this year, darent get a vibrator, I give it 2 days before one of the ds's pipes up "Mummy whats this?"

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UCM · 29/11/2006 21:38

Tis a shame, but in your situation I would NOT do it. If it gets around and is likely to come back on you in the future, you will really really wish you hadn't.

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 21:47

thank you UCM - thats exactly what Im afraid of.

I just hardly ever fancy european men (cultural thing) - and I would really like to get married again - so, I should just look for someone from dx's country to marry - therefore probably not a good idea to have casual sex with one.
Am seriously not sure I can resist though

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LoveMyGirls · 29/11/2006 21:50

why does it matter so much what other people think? you are both single whats the problem?

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 21:51

I dont want to lose respect and support of my ex's family.

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whatwouldjesusdo · 29/11/2006 22:00

And the other side of the coin is that I am lying awake at night thinking about having sex with him, and he is probably doing the same about me, and he is in a really bad situation, and I am planning to swan back to my comfortable life soon, leaving him with nowt but a few sympathetic words...just because of what other people will say. Life sucks.

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uwila · 05/12/2006 13:20

So... did you do it?????

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whatwouldjesusdo · 09/12/2006 23:14

no

not yet anyway

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aliceband · 09/12/2006 23:20

hmm, excuse me but he touched your fingers, is that a come n? i am just being thick

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expatinscotland · 09/12/2006 23:22

Have you sh*(ged him yet?

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whatwouldjesusdo · 09/12/2006 23:56

aliceband, in this culture...yes it is. Thats why I love these guys.

expat - not yet. see dilemma below. Have resolved to find new husband.

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