CSA arrangement to be cancelled

[TheHoneyBadger]

I have had my letter to say mine will be cancelled in February next year but it really offers no advice as to what i need to do and when i can do it.

For context the whole 'you should make a private arrangement' bit has no bearing for me as he has refused to ever have contact with my son and i have no way of contacting him personally so no choice other than to pay to have it sorted (i could moan no end about the injustice of this system they're bringing in but it will achieve nothing so no point).

I don't know what it is i need to do or whether i can do it in advance or have to wait till the csa claim closes. I have looked on the websites - again lots of encouragement to make a private arrangement - thanks for that - and an explanation of how much it will cost me to not do so but no real advice on what i need to do and when.

I'm turning to this board in the hopes that someone here has already been through the process and knows what it entails - i'm dreading finding myself without maintenance and somehow unable to reclaim and i would much rather deal with it in advance so i know where i am. I'm also aware that despite fees i may end up getting more money as i claimed back when ds was 3 (he's now 8) and the payment has never changed despite me getting in touch with the csa and saying surely his earnings must have changed in these years. From what i have seen the new system will auto check how much he earns and bring it up to date.

Any advice and help would be really appreciated.

no offense but fuck off with telling me i'm dramatising and overeacting. i'm allowed to feel however i feel without you telling me i'm wrong to feel that definiteissues.

nor am i 'trying to create an issue'. seriously i'd rather you kept your comments to yourself.

No.

You posted on a public forum.
You are entitled to feel how you feel even if it is bloody stupid. I am equally entitled to tell you my opinion.

Fuck sake definite. OP has stated she is stressed at the minute, and has a lot going on.

Of course she is overreacting about the actual process of it, but it isn't difficult to see that it is frustration at the situation with her child's father that is the real issue here. Plus, the unknown of a new system is frightening given the track record of shit service from government departments.

What about a bit of compassion, instead of grinding her down even more with condescending and belittling comments? The OP needs to vent and she needs some reassurance. You can have an opinion, but if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.

Oh come on, this isn't AIBU. It's really easy not to see the wood for the trees when you are stressed. Hope some of the other responses have helped op.

Ignore the dramatising posts...

I am completely in the dark how it will work..As the CSA were a law to themselves...I think your anxiety is understandable.

I am hoping a phonecall will sort it all out..

Oh god, I'm dreading this happening to me. In 6yrs I have not had a single problem with the csa and we have no contact details for abusive XP, it would not be safe to find him. When my case is closed we are financially screwed. He would not pay until I went to the csa and it's going to be ripped away from us. Ideally I'd like them to take all the charges from my payment so XP doesn't have to pay any more and the government will get their money, at least we'll be safe and won't lose everything.

And, yes, I wrote endless letters tying to persuade the evil tories to drop the csa charges.

definite there is a huge issue here. Women who have been receiving csa money and are safe from XP's are going to have everything blown to pieces because of those cunts in downing street.

honey I'm as livid and as worried as you ((hugs)).

I apologise.
I have clearly been harsh and insensitive.
Read my posts back today and they are a lot harsher than I intended.
So I'm sorry (and I actually do mean that)

Have you managed to call them

am out of the country at the minute so can't call them. a friend opened the letter and told me over skype.

just for clarity here a point seeming to be ignored is that if men won't pay voluntarily (and as i've repeatedly said i can't arrange voluntary stuff with someone who has refused all contact) it's not just them that will pay but the child too with a 4% deduction from their maintenance.

it's all very well people saying oh ffs it's simple, just call them, you're overreacting etc but i am livid at the idea that my son should be punished further because his 'father' has chosen to abandon all responsibility for him. the government don't just want men to pay as is being implied on here but children too when it's necessary for collect and pay.

there's also the reality that i can't say i want collect and pay and just do it so i know there's a smooth transition from csa straight to the new arrangement because he has to agree to collect and pay. abandoning your child, never seeing them, denying parentage and having to be forced to pay by the csa is apparently not evidence enough that you can't be relied upon to privately pay child support. so we'll have to give him the chance to do it privately and wait for him to fail to do that, then wait for them to go after him and sort it out to collect and pay. that's going to be what a couple of months without receipt of child maintenance at least presumably?

that might sound like nothing to some people but to others it is going to be a nightmare financially and is also a kick in the teeth emotionally again as they feel punished for the crime of what? being the responsible parent? being a single mother? needing help to get an absent parent to pay towards their own child?

you also have to add all these things up. 4% taken out of CM plus however much of a cut it's going to be in CTC and WTC come april. it all adds up. i am self employed and losing clients all over the place of late because the cuts are impacting hugely on the sector i work with. i also have the anxiety of knowing IDS is determined to come after self employed freelancers who don't earn masses but have generated their own income and managed to carve out ways to make money that don't see them having to rely on expensive childcare (actually saving the government money in reality).

it's stressful times and i'm sorry if it offends people but it is also a time that makes me angry and yes feel targeted on several fronts and to feel that it is a deliberate attack based on ideology.

sorry, i forgot to say thank you for supportive comments. i do appreciate it. the horrible comments made me feel like a complete twat for having opened up about how stressed i am and for having felt safe to acknowledge what an impact it has actually had on my life to have had to support a child single handed. it is not something i allow myself to look at or feel very often.

I can completely understand where you are coming from..We left my ex to go live in a refuge..

I am concerned this is going to open up a can of worms. I am worried he is going to be reminded he is paying for a child he doesn't see and start creating problems again.

Honestly though just ignore what isn't helpful here. Could your friend call them and ask what happens in this situation although won't be able to deal with case will be able to answer generally

sorry to hear that starlight - that's the thing isn't it - for various reasons this will be a means of stirring things up for people again. whether it is confrontations and arguments between ex's who whilst not having a history of abuse generally avoid contact because they can't communicate, to a genuine sense of risk because of an ex being volatile or abusive but there not being 'evidence' that is acceptable to the new agency, the triggering of old emotions, financial fears and problems due to a gap in payments,etc.

it's all very well for people it doesn't present problems for to say 'what's the problem' but i can think of a ton of problems that i'm capable of imagining and empathising with.

i think what i will personally do is ignore it for now, save money and make sure i'm in a position to cope with no financial support for a few months before making the call and having the csa payment cancelled and awaiting the new one being established and stabilised. i will also wait for a time when i have less stress on my plate and am capable of dealing with the kind of phonecalls (ages on hold, having to talk about personal stuff with impersonal people, being passed from pillar to post) that i'm sadly expecting. yes i could be wrong about that but that's what my experience with government agencies so far has led me to expect. and where i'm capable of dealing with the stress of delays and going round in circles.

so save money and deal with other problems first is my plan.

i suppose the other obvious thing is to make the phonecall immediately after the payment goes into your account for that month to have the best chance of minimal disruption.

honey I managed to get rid of XP before he hit me, it was escalating. And you can bet your bottom dollar that despite having police, womens aid, mediation and contact centre it will mean they can claim there has been no abuse and ill have to stump up the £20 fee too.

You're right, it's the government stirring it up for vulnerable families. The only thing that gives me any comfort (i think!) is that everyone voted against it, other mp's and the house of Lords refused to pass it. Obviously the tories shoved it through because they're assholes but many others were as horrified as we are.

And you can bet your bottom dollar that despite having police, womens aid, mediation and contact centre it will mean they can claim there has been no abuse and ill have to stump up the £20 fee too.

My Ex wrote there was no abuse/ drugs/ safety issues so yes sure he will have no issue with telling anyone else this either

even if there are no abuse issues how come the expense of being forced to use a third party to get someone to pay for their own child falls to the household raising the child rather than to the person who has failed to simply voluntarily pay for their child?

interesting statement really.

don't pay your council tax - straight to court do not pass go. don't pay a parking fine, ditto. don't support your own children, meh, well why should you really, after all she's not even having sex with you anymore or washing your pants, what's the world coming to when you're expected to take responsibility for your offspring without sexual and domestic services in return.