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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

help me not jump under a train

45 replies

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 14/09/2015 12:05

well i can't as my 2 year old would be upset i didn't pick her up from nursery. she always rushes to greet me with cuddles and love.

but i sort of want to. also no energy to see to my kids this evening. dumped my lovely man of two months last night as he admitted he was still in love with baby mama half his age. im bipolar but not under any help or medication and dont want to be. the thing is i dont want to collect my kids from school today as i am too tired and not a good mum because of it. i think it would be good for them if i gave them away but there is nobody to give them to as i have no family or real friends. so what should i do, i could just not turn up? but i dont want to traumatise them. if i ask social servicees to take them i would be worried they would be put with someone abusive god forbid. and also dont want to be sectioned as if i had a break from the kids i could just sleep and listen music and it would all be ok.

not really sure what to do!

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EngTech · 14/09/2015 15:16

Tripping

If seeing Doctors is an issue, ask to see a practice nurse.

If they ask why, say something innocuous - Once you are with nurse, be honest with her and explain issues etc

They have heard it all before so would be sympathetic

Is the issue with actually going into the surgery?

Either way as others have said, have a chat with someone and yes, no doubt, easier said than done

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 14/09/2015 16:22

Thank you everyone for advice and support.
I binge ate lots of pasta and chocolate then vomited it all out. Then fell asleep n woke up with heart racing. put on my headphones and went for a walk felt in a total daze. was standing high places by rivers and by rail platform just as a kind of experiment and it really put me off when facing the reality of it and thinking about my children. so went to get my son from school, he is home now and playing while tea cooks. feel very sad and low energy but i for the first time have really started thinking about help and hopefully will have a lot to say when it comes to the actual appointment. going to crisis team isnt an option as i dont have a car and wouldnt want to drag my kids there... thanks again for all your kind words i am sorry i cant give anything back but it has really helped x

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Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 14/09/2015 16:24

it's amazing how easy it is to go on autopilot and chat to kids, big people etc as normal even when you feel like hell zombie inside. draining but automatic

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Wishfulweddinglady · 14/09/2015 19:21

How are you OP?

mrstweefromtweesville · 14/09/2015 19:38

Thinking of you, empathising with, recognising and acknowledging your experience. Keep going, just keep going.

cestlavielife · 14/09/2015 19:45

Crisis team can come to you. Do home visits. Ask gp. Call samaritans when kids in bed talk it thru.

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 14/09/2015 22:33

Hey am ok had glass wine n little nap. Woke feeling so guilty for even having considered what i was considering. Disgusted with myself. Want to get proper support in place to be stable for the kids...you lot have reallymade me think. Thank you fir being there my "real" friends do not give a damn

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Baconyum · 14/09/2015 23:03

I've 2 friends with bi-polar, both having treatment, one is overweight like me but she always has been and was before the meds, the other is a total beanpole!

My dx is different. But yea it can take time to find the right treatment/meds as we're all individuals. I have a lot of medical allergies so that made it tricky. The usual talking therapies didn't work completely for me, but they started me on the right track, then I was moved to a different therapist who had a different approach and that's working well for me. There's also chat rooms for all the different conditions (believe me these were a God send sometimes when I thought I really ought to be in a padded cell! Then someone would come on and go 'oh that's nothing! I remember the time I did x y z!!' Laughing at the bizarre aspects, gallows humour can help. But just knowing you're not the only person that has bizarre thoughts etc is helpful.

The alcohol is a bad idea with mh problems especially bipolar as it's both a stimulant and a depressive.

Echoing what others have said. Focus on what you want for your kids. I'm sure you want them to have a healthy, happy mum. That's what they'll want too.

I hope you get the help you need. If its not immediately forthcoming don't give up.

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 15/09/2015 10:02

Hi Bacon...thanks for your reassuring message. Managed to get appointment at half twelve today. So scared. Don't know what to say and scared i will cross the line and say something that will make them think i'm a risk to the kids and all hell will break loose. Last time i went to the doc for help he said i look fine and should just get a job to stop me overthinking stuff! Kinda expecting the same, dont know the doc i am booked to see..... keep feeling like an attention seeker...keep feeling my illness is just a product of my shit life n not really an illness.aaarggh

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Solasum · 15/09/2015 10:09

Would it help to write down what you need to say to the dr?

E.g. I am bipolar. I am not coping very well at the moment. I have not used meds before, and I am worried about side effects.

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 15/09/2015 10:44

Yes i will do that Solasum. Meds are not necesary for me though i know. I function very well on high dose fish oils and vitamins, exercise, healthy food, no alcohol, no fags, no "green grass of home" , no caffeine, etc. It's just getting there and staying there when i fall off the rails. It is support i need. Someone to talk to and keep me right. Someone to help me drown out the voices in my head n not go on a self destructive trip.... the only thing i would consider would be mild sleeping pills as i do have trouble getting to sleep n always have done and sleep deprivation sends me off on one...

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Misnomer · 15/09/2015 10:57

I hope you're appointment goes ok today. Don't put in a brave face. Tell them what it's been like and how you feel. There are great support services out there but the doctor can't do anything if they don't know how much of a struggle you are finding things.

And about medication, I was really against taking any but after I found myself tempted to jump off a bridge I agreed and it was fine. It didn't knock me out or put me in a permanent daze it just took the edge off and allowed me to function (I also didn't get fat!).

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 15/09/2015 11:00

Misnomer i can identify with that! What medication did you take? (Dont worry if not comfortable sharing) Things like olanzapine and sodium valproate scare the bejesus out of me.... they are what i was offered in the past

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Rainbowqueeen · 15/09/2015 11:10

Best wishes with getting some help.

Thinking of you. (Flowers) for you.

Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 15/09/2015 11:27

Thanks Rainbow queen :-) :-) just threw away some dead roses from my ex so fresh flowers mean a lot! Been reading about lamotrigine a bp med n the way people describe how it helped them sounds very appealing but the side effects are deadly...well i will see what doc says!

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Original poster

TrippingDownMammaryLane · 15/09/2015 13:33

It went great - he was very kind sensible n understanding. referred me to practice mh worker :)

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paulapompom · 15/09/2015 14:21

So glad it went well Tripping you have done really well, glad it was a good sensible doctor x

trian · 15/09/2015 18:12

haven't read all the stuff above but it sounds to me like you just need some respite in order to cope .
There are lots of little charities etc that can provide this, i'm pretty sure, can't remember the names of any of them off the top of my head and some of them will be local ones and i wouldn't know their names.....they're listed on a website that i can't remember the name of either but if you google single parent, respite, grants etc you may well be able to find it. Gingerbread.org.uk might know and also your local councillor (as in your representative on the local council, not a psychological councellor).
Whilst I'm not against the use of medication for mental health, I fully support your wish not to take it as long as this doesn't result in hardship for the kids. Best of luck hun xx

Baconyum · 16/09/2015 00:34

I'm so so pleased you had a good appointment. Thankfully there are improved attitudes to mh coming through. Please post when you need support and keep on keeping on. I agree people shouldn't be forced to take meds but its good to consider all the options and try and see what works for you. We're all so different. for you for going to the appointment. Hope that's not patronising.

I know what you mean about fearing the consequences. I delayed getting help through fear of losing dd, which of course meant I got worse! If it weren't for a good friend telling me off I'd have got even worse and possibly would have faced sectioning and losing dd.

Greenfaith · 17/09/2015 17:58

I totally understand fully how you feel, I feel like this most days. I also am on my own, I have been for 8 years now and I have no family to leave them with while I just sleep, or cry, or even consider jumping in front of a train, all the same thoughts run through my head, I would never leave my children but I want too on many occasions. It's very difficult being on your own, it's so hard and no one fully understands unless they are also alone and don't get a break. All I can say medication does help, no one wants to take it but sometimes we have too. Talking helps, you can always message me I might not have great advise but I can listen, take each day as it comes, don't do anything harsh your children love you and you are a good mother you just need a break your only human.

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