only taking one child

[missyallan0610]

Hi everyone,

since our split in July ex has seen his 2 kids once, for 2 nights first weekend in August. despite my several attempts to get him to make arrangements for seeing them he has been very stand off-ish, he's very bitter and resentful towards me for the breakup despite him being the one who was arrested and charged ...it's my fault of course. he's been saying he's not in a position to support the kids as he's got no money but then he says he's too busy to see them because he's working.

Anyway he has aranged a holiday with his family, and wants to take only our 3 year old and leave the 18month old at home. I said I didn't think it was fair to take one and not the other, and asked if there was any reason why youngest couldn't go. he refused to even a knowledge this and continued to make plans for collecting one child, throwing in some derogatory comments along the way. I said again that I thought he should take both and he said "congratulations,way to go, you've proved everyone right" ...I'm not sure what he meant by this. the holiday is over 500 miles away, for 5 days, to a family friendly holiday park by the beach. There will be 5 of them (not including 2 children) travelling down in a minibus. it is actually where we were supposed to be going as a family in the summer before we broke up, so he was prepared to travel the distance with her when it was just the two of us.

what would you do in this situation?? send one and not the other or insist he take both or none...
I really need some advice here. he's made no mention of when he would see younger one if he didn't take her, and I can't help but feel the only reason he is seeing one/two of them is because his sister has arranged it all and invited them along.

I feel the response I'm getting from him is as though I'm saying he's not allowed to see them which isn't the case - opposite actually! so I'm really confused!

xx

1 is better than 0 ?

I wouldn't like this at all.

I think he is playing you..Tell him to come back to you when he wants to have a discussion about contact with the children.

When is this holiday.. I wouldn't be happy with either child going away for 5 days with someone they haven't seen in a month so far.. when is the holiday?

The holiday is next week. he has still as yet refused to acknowledge any mention of the youngest and continues to try and make arrangements for collecting 3yo. I have however spoke to his sister who has arranged the holiday. it was an odd conversation but I stood my ground and shes respectful of that. I still haven't heard from him, he's away on a night out. I just don't get it, it's not like he's even attempted to discuss whatever his issue with taking them both is, nor has he attempted to come up with any solution/compromise. If he is playing me, what is he hoping to achieve??

I think you should tell them both of your children come as a package together he can't pick and choose which one he wants .i would say you take both of them or none

they're not going. his sister didn't sound convinced about travelling with both the kids and everything she said as a reason not to take 18 month old would also apply to 3yo, so then she was questioning taking them at all. she respects my opinion and says sorry it didn't work out this time. but ex still hasn't had the decency to get in touch. he has ignored me completely whenever I said both or none, so I've given him plenty opportunity to respond/discuss and he's not, so neither will be going. I actually want him to see his kids as I know that they miss him but I refuse to be bullied into something that I know isn't right. I put my kids first, shame he can't do the same.

I'm in the kind of same situation my partner of 8 years one child together is still living here despite U.S. Not been together we broke up 2 month ago I was paranoid he was seeing someone but it's all coming out now all the nights he has been put he has been with someone he not been home since Friday but even texted about my daughter nothing