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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

lonely and fed up

32 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 28/11/2006 21:56

Hi there, Im a single parent with no support to two great kids. However sometimes I feel lonely and fed up. Every night is the same.Sometimes I find it difficult getting out of bed as I know the day will bring the usual boredom and nothing for me. I feel my life is on hold. In fact I don't feel I have a life at all.

People even lean on me for support-its like I'm there for everyone else but no-one is there for me. I've had a month off work due to illness-but no-one has ever taken the kids off me for a hour.
The poor kids had to make their own tea. Doctors said need rest-but its taking me longer to recover as I only rest when kids are in school.

How can I try and have a bit of life with no support?

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xmasmummy · 28/11/2006 22:12

know how you feel hun, am single mum of 4, have a little support when mum comes 2 days a week but other than her nothing. eldest ds is 7, ds5, dd20months and dd8months. lots of people ask me for help and support, friends ask me to have their kids overnight but never return favour, take my nephew and niece to scholl with my kids, walking to scholl with 6 kids is not much fun. i was ill couple of weeks ago for over a week and still had to do everything i usually do but whenever i ask anyone for help i get politely told to f* off.

elizmummy · 29/11/2006 20:55

Poor old you!! Well this is a good starting point with regards moral support. You can't choose your family but you can certainly choose your friends and there are some really kind folk out there somewhere I promise! How about mums at pre-school, school etc? I find my kids get invited out to tea on a fairly regular basis and if you return the favour it can be quite helpful, even if only for an hour or two.

belgianmama · 29/11/2006 21:32

I feel for you too. I know how you feel about no one coming to you to offer help, but I've also found that it is amazing how many people are prepared to help if you ask. As elizmum said ask if your children can spend a few hours after school with their friends, you'll get a few extra hours for yourselves and your lo's will love it too.
MN will be here to fill your evenings if you feel lonely at night. I know everyone is very good at supporting and cheering up other mums.
All the best & a big {{{hug}}}

bramblina · 29/11/2006 21:34

Where are you all ? NW Scotland by any chance?!?!

harpie · 30/11/2006 08:05

hi im a single mum of three and i get no help from anybody either. it is lonely and all i do is cry when the kids have left for school.
The worst is it was my fault the marriage broke down so now even freinds have turned there back.
Doctors have put me antidepressants and the only reason im holding up is for the kids.

bramblina · 30/11/2006 22:50

harpie. Do you try to get out to clubs etc? Swim? Run a voluntary organisation?

lou33 · 30/11/2006 22:54

single mum of 4 with no added help at all, reporting in

nutcracker · 01/12/2006 16:58

Me too, single mum of 3 with my mum to help out but she works full time and does shifts so am pretty much on my own all the time.

I don't go anywhere except for food shopping and other shopping and thats it. Does my head in tbh.

xmasmummy · 01/12/2006 17:03

where are you all living maybe we should all meet up

lou33 · 03/12/2006 12:55

i do get to go out locally

i'm in surrey, think nutty is near brum

7swansaswimmingup · 03/12/2006 13:00

fed single mum of moody 12yearold ds and tempter tantrum 2year old, dont go out and do absolutely nothing for myself and just realised howmuch its getting me down actually. the only "socialising" i do is on here

me23 · 03/12/2006 13:11

hi, another recruit signing in! have dd 18months no help at all! it is frustating wish i had people there to ask for support or babysittin but i dont so I never get to go out on my own xmasmummy i often feel lonely and wish for more frineds etc but yours are taking the piss expecting you to babysit and not returning the favour for you!
I'd rather have no mates at all then people that treated me like that.
would be cool if we all lived near eachother eh we cud set up a babysitting circle!
I/'m in London btw.

ISawTortoiseKissingSantaClaus · 03/12/2006 13:17

Another lonely single Mum here. I have 4 (9,7,3 and 2)but DS's Dad has temporary residency of them through court but i have lots of contact.
I have one really good frind and thats it!
Family moved to Turkey just over a year ago.
I never go out in the evenings although i'm not sure i would want too. It just gets so boring not having an adult conversation.
I MN far too much but nothing better to do!

xmasmummy · 03/12/2006 13:24

me23- yeah i know they taking the piss hun thats why im annoyed. things is all my mates have only got one maybe two kids each at the most, where i got 4, my sister used to babysit for me if i wanted to go out but she gone to uni now so cant, also they do pay me for having their kids overnight, have been paid 25 quid recently for having one friends 6 year old boy from 4pm sat until same time sun. they know i need the money so i dont often say no. but it would be nice to be invited out sometimes or just have someone come visit without wanting something

me23 · 03/12/2006 13:46

yeah of course you need to be valued aswell mates are supoposed to help each other out! they know you havent got much money so they should do something for You!

even if it's just hanging out spending time without ulterior motives!

thats wat id like some companY! liek the others I get my company from MN and msn!

persephonesnape · 03/12/2006 14:35

harpie - it's not all your fault and no-one deserves to feel that guilty or take on the split of a relationship on their own shoulders. my ex left me and three children six years ago - Her was teh one that was unfaithful and went to live with the 'other woman' ( I'm being very polite here!) but I realise that some of my actions helped to contribute to the stage where he felt he had to go. That was a long time ago and you do feel better about things after a while. I don't know what you've done - or think you've done, but i'm sure it can't be that bad. don't punish yourself.

everyone, it gets better as the children get a bit older and establish their own connections and lives. I have my children every week night - occasionally they go to their dads or paternal grandparents at weekends and i kick up my heels then i have a very few friends that i can rely on - my best friend come sover once a week or so when the kids are in bed and brings wine!

it's been a lot worse when I've sat crying silently at how lonely I am. it does get better. stand up for yourselves though, everyone = you have enough on your plates without taking on everyone elses stuff.

One of the best things for me in relation to talking to adults has been continuing to work full time - you get to talk to grown ups and although it makes everything a bit rushed in the evenings and I've had to find good after school care, it's a bonus because you do get to interact with others.

i don't get sick. I'm just not allowed to

ellesbells · 03/12/2006 14:56

hi im another one! lots of us isnt there?? thank heavens for mumsnet. At least we can all sound off when we need too x

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 07/12/2006 09:24

thank you to everyone who has taken time to reply to message. It ahs really helped knowing that other people feel same as me. And it helps that people have cared enough to take the time to reply. Thank youxxx

OP posts:

xmasmummy · 08/12/2006 12:03

my main problem is that i have always got the kids so i cant ever go out, my ex will have them but only one or two at a time so i am still at home with at least two kids. wish i could go out, dont want to go clubbing or anything but the pub would be nice every now and then, dont drink at home because im alone with kids so dont like being intoxicated when i here and tbh its just really shit, i hate it sometimes coz i cant really do anything that doesnt involve the kids

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/12/2006 14:21

can you just say to ex-you have to take all kids as i'm doing xmas shopping-and then just go to pub/shop in peace/ or do something alone

OP posts:

blossomsmine · 09/12/2006 23:44

I feel so bad for all of you lone parents I really do some of your messages made me cry. I was a single parent when my two children were both under two years old and it was awful, the same old thing, no money, no company, no help, no free time etc., so what did I do I went off with the first available man and had another child. Now stuck in a relationship where neither of us are that happy we just get on with it really for the sake of the children. So although it is tough, just remember you are your own boss and you and your kids can survive happily together.

rainbowgirl · 12/12/2006 22:18

yep i'm lonely, fed up and increasingly depressed over past weeks..... dd nearly 4.... split from her dad when she was about 18 months, and got together with dp about 6 months later..... i'm now 25 weeks pregnant and alone again with what will soon be 2 children with different dads.... some days feeling strong and empowered, most days feeling lonely, exhausted and disheartened. the worst thing is i can't switch off my feelings. no actually the worst thing is other people's reactions. no actually the worst thing is never going out or never having the prospect of another relationship because i don't want anyone apart from dp and i'm 6 months pregnant and he won't even speak to me on the phone.. sorry i'll shut up now! anyway, i'm another one in the same boat. it's tough but our kids are the reason we do it and they are a good enough reason. i console myself with the thought that i am a good mum (i think ) and i can make them happy even if i've f*cked up my own life.

blossomsmine · 12/12/2006 23:35

rainbowgirl I really feel for you it is so hard I know that. Is there no chance of your dp talking to you at all, will he be involved with the baby? You do need to stay strong for your dd but you so need to look after yourself aswell. I know the feeling of dreading the future and somedays you can't see past that can you, but please try to live for now and take it a day at a time. I remember the days I was aone with the kids and I felt the same as you, now in the situation I am,sometimes I wish i had stayed stronger and seen it through on my own with the kids instead of jumping into another relationship. Who cares about other peoples reactions it is time to just worry about yourself and your children xx

mamama · 13/12/2006 00:52

Reading this thread has actually made me feel a bit better about myself. I tend to feel a bit sorry for myself, being a single mum with no help at all, but I only have 1 DS so have it far easier than some of you and I should appreciate that. I have no idea how to have a life - I spend all day with DS - we go out and do things but I miss having grown-up conversations that don't revolve around children. And I miss company in the evenings. Although I'm relieved to get DS to bed so I can have a break, I also dread it in a way because I know I'm in for another long lonely night.

I wish I had helpful suggestions but all I can offer is a bit of empathy.

{{{Hugs}}} for everyone.

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 13/12/2006 09:53

I wouldn't agree being a lone parent to one kid is easier than a few.I am alone with 2 kids. With one I think it would be much more intense and far more boring. With 2 I'm busier, so time goes faster and sometimes they play wonderfully together-and that's when i can go on the internet. With two, the kids can also support each other.

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