Hello.
I've probably posted similar before but I really need advice again about contact!!
To summarise, ex p left in feb, I was 6 weeks pregnant and we have 2 year old dd. He moved over an hour away and initially stopped all contact with Dd and tried to force me into a termination (baby was planned). He called social services and reported me as an unfit mother, I was diagnosed with personality disorder and began private therapy but my parenting was never in question. I dropped dd to ex at work after calling and emailing as I needed kidney treatment at hospital and him to care for dd. He then refused to return her for 3 days, leaving her with strangers and refusing to allow me to see or speak to her. I finally forced the situation by contacting social services and turning up at his conference to collect dd who was actually 50 miles away from him being cared for by his new gf running a temperature. Social services urged him to consider the welfare of dd and where the best place for her to be was although they couldn't force him to return her. He relented and she came back to me. She has never been to his house nor stayed overnight with him since, she returned with a temperature and a Uti, she had not been bathed, was distressed and had been put back in nappies despite being dry for 3months, her car seat was not properly fitted in the car when she was dropped off by the woman.
Contact was then agreed and ex came to our house 2 evenings for bedtime and every other weekend. I would go out when he was here, I gained strength in therapy overtime although initially was desperate to save my family.
Ex became more and more verbally abusive, insisting contact be every other weekend at his house overnight but refusing to give his address.
I tried desperately to convince him to come to mediation but he claimed he couldn't afford it.
He then stopped contact for a period of 2 weeks. After this we sat and wrote out a contact agreement with dates and times. After yet more verbal abuse, threats to take dd to live with him and ex physically grabbing my wrist (police called) contact ceased again for 2 months.
I got to a point in therapy where I no longer meet the criteria for bpd and was gaining a lot of strength on my own, independence, financial stability, better parenting etc.
however dd began to struggle, asking for him and craving answers. I decided to email him asking for his contact plans in the future. He replied that he had none. I asked him to reflect on his dd's PoV and suggested beginning contact as time each Saturday.
This began 6 weeks ago and has been okish. I don't allow him a car seat because of the threats to take dd, I pay for anything they do which costs money and I'm mostly around as dd is very insecure especially with the imminent arrival of her sibling.
Ex has now returned to being verbally abusive after a couple of spells of telling me how immeasurably I've changed through therapy and confessing his guilt and telling me what an amazing job I'm doing.
I find him an extremely unstable person and like most would rather not see him but am aware of my children's interests.
Now dc2 is due now and I plan to bf.i have also received some cryptic email supposedly from a colleague of ex and ow claiming that ow has a "past" and advising me to keep my dc away from both of them?! I haven't entertained this but it has planted doubt.
Ex wants contact but not to ever see me. How would you work this?! There is no trust, no money and seemingly no morals.
Thank you for reading!