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Lone parents

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Ex H ranting to DD

1 reply

meikyo · 28/08/2015 21:17

OK, I'm not strictly a lone parent anymore as happily remarried, but have ongoing issues with ex H.
Poor DD getting terribly conflicted and torn between ex H and I. I am trying v hard to detach from ex H but at the same time be civil at parents night etc.
Ex H has not worked steadily for a (long) time (13 years). Has been in the odd job and has paid some CM (about 12 months total of the last 7 years but zero for last 18 months).
Things had been going reasonably well in relations with exH recently. He is long term unemployed and, trying to help, I emailed him with a flyer about a local firm doing open days/training/interviews for hospitality industry. He went ballistic and has spent DD's contact time tonight basically ranting at her about how angry he is at me for sending it, that he feels "humiliated". (He has a degree but no current skills in his field - no jobs in UK anyway as all outsourced overseas, but not too humiliated to be contributing nothing financially to his child's upbringing but too humiliated to look for work in a hotel.....hmmm)
Poor DD feels caught between us and feels her Dad is not trying hard enough to get work, but feels guilty for feeling like this....
Don't want to upset DD but have texted ex H to tell him not to rant at her.
Feel better for getting it out on here - I don't want to upset her either.

OP posts:
holeinmyheart · 29/08/2015 13:06

Oh dear how horrible to be ranting on at your poor DD. However I do think that you added to his humiliation by sending him job specs.
If you look at it from his perspective, you are happily married, possibly in a nice job and your life is sorted and his isn't.
He is wrong to do what he did and not to pay you anything, but isn't it possible that you were actually,( though I am sure unintentionally,) rubbing salt in his wounds?
Sorry, but I think you should stay out of his job hunting and concentrate on being as neutral as possible about him , and his troubles to your DD who is in the middle of the pair of you.

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