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Original poster

Exp 'keeping' Childcare money

20 replies

daisyJ123 · 11/08/2015 12:14

Hi MNers
ExP receives £65 pcm from the organisation he works for towards childcare. For the last 2 yrs this has gone towards DD nursery.
ExP announced today he is going to be 'keeping that money' from now on as he is 'struggling'
ExP has two jobs (both well paid) & has DD about 1 or 2 nights per month & on his days off if it's in the week (he does shifts)
I'm pissed off! Understandably?

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Original poster
daisyJ123 · 11/08/2015 12:31

Just to add that I have DD a majority of the time & also hold down a PT high pressure job with vulnerable adults. I'm shattered & just about making ends meet.
Upset at his announcement! Dd is 3 in December.

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 11/08/2015 12:34

Is this a childcare voucher, salary sacrifice scheme? If so, the money can only be paid to a registered childcare provider, he can't just cash it in. If this is a scheme that his employer offers as a voluntary extra, then I'm assuming that if someone were to tell his employer that he wasn't paying for any childcare, he could be in a tricky situation?

Original poster
daisyJ123 · 11/08/2015 12:44

Hi Mango
It's a voluntary extra paid into his bank account with his wages.

OP posts:
slug · 11/08/2015 12:48

So he's taking the money his employer provides for childcare and spending t on himself?

Does the employer know this?

overthemill · 11/08/2015 12:50

So will you have to pay the extra for the childcare? Or how does it work? Does t sound right to me but if he just gets extra money and has previously chosen to spend it in doc then you can't do anything unless it's within the settlement?

Original poster
daisyJ123 · 11/08/2015 13:03

He is keeping the £65 to spend on himself. I will then have more to pay towards childcare costs.
Our costs are different every month as he works shifts so currently the £65 comes out of the total amount & we split the difference. Now, we'll just split it so I have to pay more. And he's £65 better off each month.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 11/08/2015 13:15

I'd tell him that you will contact his employer and request that the money be paid direct to the childcare provider.

MangoBiscuit · 11/08/2015 13:30

So he will still have to pay for half the childcare? So he's effectively using the £65 towards just his half of the childcare, and expecting you to fund your half of the childcare? Does his half of the childcare come to at least £65? If so, I'm sorry, but I think that's fair. If he were keeping the £65 and expecting you to foot the entire bill for childcare, then he'd be very unreasonable.

Original poster
daisyJ123 · 11/08/2015 13:39

The £65 is taken out prior to us splitting the difference. It's essentially 'free childcare money' provided for childcare. He earns more than twice what I get. But we still share the childcare costs. So, he is now withdrawing the money for his own use.

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 11/08/2015 13:53

But he is still paying for childcare with it. Say your childcare bill is £500 a month. You knock off the £65, and split the rest.
500 - 65 = 435
435 / 2 = 217.5 each
So you are paying £217.5 , and he is effectively paying £282.50 because part of his benefits from his work are being used.

Sounds like he wants the £65 contribution from his work benefits to be counted against his half of the childcare. So using the example above you'd be paying £250, so £32.50 more. At the moment, you aren't paying for half the childcare, you're paying for half of what's left after his benefits have been used. I get that the extra cost now will suck, but it sounds like you've had the better end of the deal with this for the last 2 years.

If he's earning well, is he paying you maintenance? Another way to calculate it, would to each be responsible for the childcare that you use. That would mean he'd need to be responsible for your DDs care for set days, and if his shift work pushes up the childcare fees, then he's responsible for the increase, not you.

lunar1 · 11/08/2015 21:09

Cheeky sod, I'd tell his employer of hegira through with it.

mojo17 · 15/08/2015 15:49

It might be hard but you to stick for your dcs as this money is for them

Zeitgeistic · 15/08/2015 16:14

I agree with Mango's analysis I think. Is that right OP? He will still be paying for half of the childcare but he won't take off the £65 before splitting the bill.

The way he's worded it is wanky and confrontational though so that would piss me off.

Are the childcare costs he pays in addition to maintenance payments?

Clutterbugsmum · 15/08/2015 16:32

I'd tell his employers as well.

Original poster
daisyJ123 · 16/08/2015 13:38

Yes, he pays maintenance.
He's hanging onto the £65 from October and now says he's 'paying his bit of the childcare' with it as he's struggling.
He's just gone on a 3 week holiday with his GF to Asia. No wonder he's 'struggling' ... Grrrrrr. Anyway, will just have to pay more towards the childcare & suck it up I guess. Hmm

OP posts:
mojo17 · 16/08/2015 16:35

No you need to get the child care provider to i voice him his share. Even if means getting him in trouble at work
Please don't stand for it because he will constantly be taking the piss, if it's not childcare it'll be maintenance or Xmas presents
Stand up for your dcs

Zeitgeistic · 16/08/2015 18:36

I really don't think there's anything you can do. He'll still be paying childcare costs in excess of £65 a month so he's covered with regards to his employer unfortunately.

Zeitgeistic · 16/08/2015 18:40

BTW, my ex has a similar arrangement with his employer. My ex has never paid a penny in nursery/childminder fees for our DCs and never will. Apparently, the £70 he claims for childcare is passed on to me as part of my maintenance payments Hmm. I took it up with his employer but they didn't give a toss - just accepted his explanation even though it was bollocks.

TheBakeryQueen · 17/08/2015 08:13

I think if he's paying maintenance & 50% of childcare costs then that is reasonable.

amarmai · 12/09/2015 22:28

forward his email with the info to his employer. My ex's employer was definitely interested in the info i gave him.

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