Dating when you have 3+ children

7 replies

DottyCotton · 23/07/2015 12:16

Have you? Any success stories?

I have to admit I am slightly worried about scaring men off. I have 3 who are relatively young and I'm 'only' 28, so the kind of man I would most likely be interested in would be in his early 30s. It feels like a big ask, finding someone that age who will take on so much responsibility. I'm not looking for a substitute father, but obviously at some point my children will be around!

I would like to be in a long-term loving relationship, but it sometimes it seems like just a dream!

OP posts:

NAR4 · 23/07/2015 15:04

I felt the same as you. Although I am older than you, I have 5 children (the youngest 2 & 4). I too thought any man would run a mile, but have found a lovely bloke, who didn't bat an eyelid when I told him. The right man will accept everything about you, including your children.

Original poster

DottyCotton · 01/08/2015 12:04

Thank you so much for your reply, guess it just takes finding the right one!

OP posts:

Goodbetterbest · 02/08/2015 08:34

Also, whoever you are dating doesn't need to be part of their lives and they don't need to be part of his. Dating can be all about you, being a lover not a mother. There is such fun to be had (speaking as a mother of 4 who has been dating someone for a while).

Good luck with it

solarvalentine · 02/08/2015 12:37

Agree with Goodbetterbest, I had a lot of fun dating various men for a good seven years after I left exP. They were never introduced to my DCs, it was all about fun nights out but I never saw them as settling down material but I think that's fine to make it about you. I don't think any of them were scared off as I wasn't expecting any responsibility from them.

I did eventually meet and settle down with my current DH who is lovely and has taken on full responsibility for my 3 DCs (he has more of a father role as exP isn't involved at all now). But I didn't expect that from him at first and we spent a year just being a couple before he even met my DCs. We kept things very light touch for another three years before we moved in together. There's no need to rush anything, it can feel a bit desperate sometimes to try to regain a sense of family but it's better overall to enjoy being on your own for a while and just being happy with yourself.

SoulSista85 · 16/08/2015 21:47

Thank you OP for this, I am slowly plucking up the courage to get myself back out there and have two DD's.

I have recently joined a dating site and been getting to know someone in particular who I am really beginning to like.

I think for me, the ultimate question is how do you go about the business of separating your love life and your family life?

amarmai · 12/09/2015 22:23

and then there's the wrong man who wants access to your children.

Greenfaith · 17/09/2015 18:05

I understand how you feel I'm s little older then you and have kids, I have been alone for 8 years, when I say alone I mean fully never seen, gone out, talked to anyone in all this time because I was, am scared of the same thing. Don't worry like I did, if the man is decent he will love you and your children don't settle for second best you might have to go out with a few before you find the right one but you will find someone who won't blink an eyelid to the fact you have three children, don't waste 8 years like me. X

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