Desperately lonely

[Shoegal0305]

Does anyone else feel desperately alone? I'm a single mum, no family, only one child who needs me less and less. Been on my own 9 years and had a few disastrous 'flings' but struggling to meet someone nice. I do like being single as in I please myself etc but would be nice to have 'someone'. I've joined two dating sites and I'm so disappointed I get matched with fat balding men in their 50s and 60s! POF has had more success but the guys who message me either live more than 100 miles away (what's the point?) or are not my type. All my friends are married or paired up and the ones who aren't have mums, dad's, brothers and sisters who they do family stuff with. I just feel desperately lonely

maybe for now stop focusing on finding a partner and just join a rock choir, meetup group or some other local group so you get out the house one evening per week and meet other people. people in general not just go looking for a mate. broaden your local social circle and you get invited to a bbq and someone's brother turns up...etc.

you need to decide, are you lonely for some other people in your life or are just lonely for a "mate"?

I'm lonely as I have no partner or family apart from my son, of which I am immensely grateful don't get me wrong. It's not as easy as just joining a group. There doesn't appear to be many groups around where I live, plus I work shifts and the nature of my job means I often finish 2-3 hours late so plans often go out the window. Money is tight too a lot of groups require a fee? Sorry I know I sound like I'm back-heeling every suggestion folk have made but I've been on my own 9 years I've really tried most things......... When DS was younger used to go to lots of toddler groups etc, full of married folk with families. Work events, all couples, social events with friends, all partners and extended families. It's so hard.

get involved in something you and ds can do like i don't know say sailing or indoor climbing walls or other sport where all ages involved? join a gym?

i am hoping to join a group of some kind next September but it's still v hard to imagine going out as my time is fully booked with the dc, including one who needs 24/7 supervision so will always need a babysitter... until eh can move into some kind of supported living... .

think bigger - can you move house? move city?

Like I said upthread, if you want a coffee mate (that stuff's not nice) I'm up for that. If you're within about 20 miles of me. As long as it's not Starbucks or Costa, I find them too bland.

Doctor I'm NW England whereabouts are you?

@Shoegal0305: I'm in the same boat and I don't have any advice for you. I think part of the problem is that we know exactly what we like/dislike in a man, and are not willing to compromise too much. Well, not on the essential things anyway. I've tried POF, okcupid, tinder and even match.com paid version. Had several dates, nothing went past 2-3 months. It's possibly my fault, but then I don't want to enter a relationship just because I'm desperately single, as you put it. And I do feel like that sometimes...

One thing that does help me - and perhaps that's my only piece of advice for you - go out often. And by that I don't mean clubs or pubs, I mean get out, go to parks, events, swimming, festivals, to the library, wherever you like to go. It's in those places we are more likely to find someone on the same wavelength. My child is now 7 and we do a lot of stuff together, no excuse for me that I'm stuck at home (ok perhaps some evenings, but I do have free evenings too).

Good luck! :)

ps. One of my friends signed up for matchaffinity - her first ever dating site - and after 3 days he met a guy and they started dating, they're now moving in together. They both have 2 children each. She's average looking but she is very down to earth, non pretentious, simple... perhaps that is the secret :)

Met my fat balding man when he was 50, married him when he was 51. Hes wonderful, Ive never been happier .