Single mum-to-be with learning difficulties

[cornflakegirl]

A friend of mine is 6 months pregnant, and not in a relationship. She also has learning difficulties. She's very excited about the baby (although unplanned), and her family are being very supportive - she still lives at home (she's 21).

I'm trying to work out how best to support her. We're going to do a baby shower, and lots of people have offered stuff, so that side is probably okay. But when I was pregnant I spent ages thinking about everything (mostly on mumsnet) - learning about breastfeeding and cot death and routines and so much else.

My friend isn't going to be doing this kind of research, and is unlikely to be reading parenting books. Not that I'm suggesting these are essential - but she doesn't have a lot of experience of babies, and will probably need some guidance.

So - what things should we discuss with her to help her prepare before the baby comes? And what sort of support is she likely to need when the baby arrives? (other than someone to babysit so she can sleep!)

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If she lives at home I am sure she will be getting alot of support.
Parenting isnt so huge if you dont make it hard work. She will learn like we all did. Dont assume as she has learning difficulties it will be harder for her. She may find it easier than most as she will see life in a more simplistic way!

Also there's a lot of scary things out there which most people don't need to worry about
I'm not sure knowing a lot about cot death is really useful to the vast majority of people, other than knowing about putting babies to sleep on their backs

auntymandy - yeah, i was thinking that! i know a lot of the stuff i agonise over will pass her by - and that's probably a very good thing!

bluejelly - agree - the problem is there's always something like "other than knowing about putting babies on their backs" - things which it actually really is important to know...

rubyrioja - there's a good mums and tots group at the church that we both go to. the thing is, she doesn't always pick up on social cues, so i'm not sure whether she'll feel welcomed... there are a couple of other first time mums-to-be in church as well, so i'm hoping they'll look after her. and i think she's planning to go to a local young mums group, so hopefully that will be helpful.

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Hi. we ahd a few mums with SN when i worked at Home Start, they ahev a website so it might be worth seeing if there's one in your area and giving them a call.

If her learning difficulties are marked does she have a social worker?

Please I don't mean this as a learning difficulties = crap mum get the social workers involved at all.

But if she has profound problems she might need more support in the long term than her family alone can provide.

I know of several cases where parents with learning probs have done a fantastic job, in part because they got the support that they nedded.

Any chance she can go to a 'class' to learn how to 'bathe a baby, change a baby, bottlefeed the baby ?

Depends on what her learning concept is and how severe her disablity is.

Also, is she on a disabilty income I know there's one usa but don't know if there is one where she's at ?

How about a family support worker the child health service should help with that maybe they would be able to even show her a movie on parenting -than to have her to 'read' she may be better of 'seeing'.

PeachyClair - there is a HomeStart here - hadn't thought of them - thanks

MB - yeah, she has a temporary social worker.

I don't have a huge amount of experience of learning difficulties - but she is what I would call a "slow learner" - not stupid, but can't handle lots of ideas at once. She got three or four Fs and Gs at GCSE if that gives you an idea.

We're also a bit concerned about personal hygiene. Her parents smoke (although she doesn't) and she always stinks of stale cigarette smoke. And she has the general attitude towards cleanliness of clothes etc of your typical 13 year old boy... I'm all for healthy levels of dirt in a child's life - but kind of feel that we ought at least mention that kind of thing...

M2B - yeah, our surgery does ante-natal classes that cover that sort of thing. I'll check if she's signed up for them.

I met up with her mum last night for a chat... I was trying to suss out her parenting views to work out what stuff to suggest to people to buy as baby shower gifts etc. I made a couple of suggestions like swaddling blankets which she dismissed as modern nonsense - kind of like the discussions I have with MIL, but back to front because this time I'm the one who has to back off!

The chat made me quite sad in a way though - while my friend's mum is clearly very excited about the baby, she was so down on her daughter (who wasnt' there) - making jibes about her weight, her unattractiveness, her unhealthy eating habits... There was a measure of truth in the things she said - but it's her daughter! No wonder the poor girl doesn't have a lot of self-confidence...

She didn't sound very supportive of my friend's desire to breastfeed either - think I may have to do some butting in on that one...