school activity on exes weekend. ex behaving oddly

[inthename]

I've been divorced more than 10 years. Usually if ds has something hes doing at school, we swap weekends so that access isn't cancelled (all contact court ordered years ago) which normally runs smoothly. Ds has rehearsal for something and it happens that the rehearsal is on exes weekend. Out of the blue hes contacted school directly to say ds not going without even bothering to swap etc.
Last month he suddenly rang school to say ds wouldn't be doing an open evening (which they just told him was compulsory) without any attempt to sort something out. At 13, ds has things going on that mean juggling times sometimes (not excessively, maybe twice in a 6 week period say) Why would he suddenly be cancelling things with school?

Has something changed in your life, or his?

I think your ex is being totally unreasonable. Even the fact weekends get swapped is unreasonable. He shouldn't be able to pick and choose what parts of his ds life he wants to be in....and I'm a stepmam and a mam. Whenever dsd had school things or parties in weekends (we had her every Saturday) we would take her and that would be it.
Think you need to have a chat with your ex and find out what's changed.

not that I know of, other than his much older step daughter having another baby so his wife visitng her daughter a lot.

ican't - he won't talk to me. Its been email/text only for years (puts phone down if I ring, always has)

ds has never been allowed to go to parties on 'his' weekends

Sorry, I don't know what to suggest, other than calling (or text/email) him to see if there's a problem. It does sound as if your DS suddenly isn't his priority. Could he be ill?

Or is your DS up to asking him himself? I know that could be tricky - I have one DS who doesn't hesitate to speak his mind to his DF, and another who avoids it at all costs!

unfortunately ds can't ( he says gets ranted at by step mum)

You may have to go back to court.
Ds needs to attend things at school.
He will have GCSEs and A levels, university open days etc coming up in the next few years - these things are very important.

Have you asked the school what the impact of missing these events will be?

Don't underestimate the stress caused to DS by missing things that school have told him he must attend.

Sorry your ex is such an idiot.

complete turn around. now agreed to take ds etc. odd

At 13 ds can decide he won't go to dad if dad won't facilitate the activity. Or go only after the activity.

Guilt. I'm sorry he's putting your DS through this, OP. What an idiot.