Sitter for 2yo?

[DressingGown]

Dd is very nearly 2. I kicked her dad's sorry behind out when she was 3.5 months (after 12 years). He lives a couple of hours away, and takes her some weekends. However, he often travels further afield with his work so isn't around much. I've no family nearby. Any friends also have young dcs, so wouldn't be able to come to mine to look after dd.

I'm just getting so sick of turning down all social/ work night out invites, and never going to the gym, or doing anything at all for me. Not ever getting out just compounds the groundhog/ loneliness thing.?

When dd's away (rare), I always frantically rush to get through as many things as I can on the neverending jobs to do list. I'd love to be able to do a fitness class, or just say 'yes' to an invite every once in a while. I've asked at nursery, but they all say they are not allowed to babysit for nursery parents. (Something to do with a care commission report on a different nursery a few years back??).

I haven't been able to bring myself to leave dd in the care of someone she doesn't know. I've seen the Sitters site. Just think that maybe she's too little? Any thoughts/ tips/ experiences/ comments?

I was in your position when my DS was 2 except he was supposed to see his Dad 2 hours a fortnight but often never happened.

I had a neighbour who did it once for me.

As he has got older there have been other things that popped up. Friends have done a swap. Ask friends who they use or know. My current babysitter I got through a friend had used her and really trusted her. I met her with my DS who cried at the thought of having a babysitter but she calmed him and made him happy..I knew he would be fine with her.

Also to reassure you it really does get easier..There are activities they can be left for, sleepovers and camp...

Hi, I also became a lone parent when I had no family around to help out, and my HV arranged for DS to go to nursery three sessions a week (he was 12 months when he started). I think it's called a priority place (we're in Scotland). It's been great, it's seven and a half hours a week to do driving lessons and catch up on housework, and is free. I wasn't even massively struggling, just trudging along trying to juggle everything and had mentioned to her that I would have to use a child minder in order to do driving lessons and she sorted it for me. I don't think that age is too young to use a sitter, maybe you could even have the same one you use once or twice a month and they can build a relationship up? My friend puts her almost two year old to the crèche at her gym, it's free as well, maybe you have one near by with a crèche? Hope you get something sorted!

The problem is if you don't prioritise time for you to socialise and achieve a semblance of a personal life your mental health will go downhill more and more.

To mix I go to a spiritual group Tues PM and yoga classes on a Thurs lunch. It is very little but it is better than nothing and I am starting to prioritise paying sitters.co.uk to go out to a friend's holistic cottage two evenings a month.

Having said that I still mix exceedingly little which makes life hard as I work at home too which is socially isolating but I can earn more this way than stuck in the employee 9 to 5 trap and I love the freedom of self-employment.

Try to rearrange the finances to go out two evenings a month. It will slowly lift the mental health gloom.

I used to feel really different from everybody else as they have all got partners and families and full lives but now I try to ignore it when I go out. They are just luckier than I am that is all.

Where I live in England there are no women like me with no family support so they don't offer babysitting swaps hence there is no free nights out which is a real bind. Everyone else is from this region and they possess mums and sisters to assist.

A 2 year old is a good age for you to get out and mix and it will become the norm for your child to see you mixing and getting out and enjoying your life. What price sanity and something to look forward to! We don't live in the 19th century any longer and you deserve some personal life.

I wish you all the very best with it. I totally understand how you feel.

Thank you everyone. Dd is in nursery whilst I'm at work during the week, so I have that to be thankful for.

Any friends I've asked tend to go out and leave their wee ones with their partners, or say, "why don't you ask at nursery if they'll babysit?" [they won't]. If I can't find someone she knows, I might try Sitters.co.uk. I just worry about leaving her with a stranger. Maybe if I stayed around the first few times until dd in bed, if I could use the same person...? I might try that even if I don't have something to go out for, just to build up the relationship? Flower, how have you found using sitters.co.uk?

Strawberry Thanks for the tip on gyms with crèches. I'll definitely look into that.

Hi again DressingGown I have yet to use sitters.co.uk they are invariably parents themselves AND have been police checked plus professional childcare qualifications. There are also feedback reports on them on each one on the site- I don't see how we can go wrong really.

The main issue is raising the requisite readies to fund the flippin' night out!

I did used to go to gym at a previous address and use the creche for my ds. That was something at least. The local leisure centre may have that option or if not an affordable health club if there is such a thing where you live ...

Good luck.

Its a shame about the nursery staff.
Can you keep your ears open for staff who are leaving, and ask them if they would sit for you once they are no longer working for nursery?
Any neighbours who would come round?
Anyone from work with teanage kids who want some money if your daughter is likely to stay asleep, and you don't go out til after bed time?

Personally I have found teenagers to be most unreliable albeit cheaper.

They only wish to come round if it is a weekly arrangement. They have told me lots of lies and excuses in the past - I found 3 of them slowly from childcare.co.uk and they were most irresponsible and selfish.

You might find where you live has rather more dynamic and considerate teenagers however - where I live is something of a backwater to start with!

We've found where the parent has an interest in keeping a harmonious working relationship, it has been OK with teenagers!

I use an agency like sitters called likeminders - and have done since my son was about a year old. I used to make sure I left after he was put to bed at 7pm. The first few times i was very nervous and stayed very local in case anything went wrong!

My son is now nearly 3 and I use the agency when money allows -there are a couple of people we regularly use and they always come if available - you can request who you would like. My DS loves them!

I think it is so important to keep up with a couple social gatherings/things for you if you can!

I've asked around (a lot!) and now have a couple of numbers of people that colleagues have used. Now I just need to get up the courage simultaneously with landing an invite out! Thanks for all the encouragement. It's appreciated. I always find my strength on here. It got me through chucking xp out and the awful first days, and now it'll get me through trying to get a life again. You're an amazing bunch.