DD's money at Dad's

[madamymummy]

Quick bit of advice ladies - My DD (9) just called me from the car with her Dad saying “Is step daddy home because I want to get my money to spend in town today?”

Now, DH isn't at home so I've just said no. But it doesn't sit well with me and I want to know if I'm being unreasonable.

She’s referring to £15 pocket money from me that she’s saved up, and £20 that my Grandma gave her. We're going in to London next weekend and I was thinking she could take the £35 with her to spend there.

I feel on one hand, it’s her money to spend as she sees fit and I shouldn't be making rules around where and when she can spend it. But on the other hand, I don’t really think it’s right for her dad to take her shopping with it, and her then have nothing to spend when she’s with me.

I mean... she never brings money from his house round to our house to spend. I think he gives her pocket money sporadically, but like a few quid here and there. Maybe if she got given money in both houses and just carried it between houses I might feel differently.

I just don't know what to say to him - it sounds petty to makes rules about her money, and her possessions but it has annoyed me somewhat. And how would I even tell her "You have to spend your money with Mummy" it sounds ridiculous.

I put £5 per week from 'maintenance' from maintenance into DD (11) Halifax cash card account if she has the card she can use the money. She does need to buy fathers/Mother's Day presents etc.
The pocket money comes from both parents she had free access to it and Ex can't complain. The truth is she rarely takes her card/purse there as long history of money going missing.

Thanks lonecat. We've decided to get her an account so she can just carry a card back and for and all her money can be on that.

I guess it means she could spend it all with him and have nothing with me, but I can't expect her to only spend it with me. If someone said I could have half of my salary at home, and the other half somewhere else, I'd be quite annoyed

Tough one op - and you've acknowledged the problem

If dad pays for all her treats when she's with him, do you pay for all get treats when she's with you? No, you suggest she spends money she's been gifted etc I think it should be the same for both.

Maybe this is a good opportunity for her to decide how much she spends when.

Oh and maybe you and dad can combine the pocket money? Or if you take it from maintenance, make the point it's from you and dad?

Thx moany, he doesn't pay maintenance because we're 50/50 and he only gives her a few quid sporadically. So it really is just from me. I think the way we've decided is probably the fairest way