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Original poster

Formalising contact...

6 replies

Mum4Fergus · 19/05/2015 17:24

Hi - hope I'm posting in right areas. Separated from DS Dad (not married) a little over a year ago following 8yr relationship. Contact has varied from reasonably amicable to all out war. Currently in the latter which I can deal with however X is now reneging on previously agreed contact arrangements, so I think it's time formal agreement was drawn up. I've no idea where to go to start this...any advice/guidance appreciated x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum4Fergus · 19/05/2015 17:32

Oh, I'm in Scotland if that makes any difference...

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 19/05/2015 21:26

Things are changing, and it is my understanding that the court trend is "no order" when it comes to putting in writting patterns of contact with children. I don't know this is the case in Scotland so I hope someone with more recent experience than I come along shortly. But you may also like to visit the CAB for some advice.

IME, having a fix regular pattern and a neutral handover place (like school or a public place) work better, especially if your x is prone to arrive late. You simply agree that you will be waiting at the agreed time between x & y time, and leave if he is not there on time.

Having said that, if the problem is that he is cancelling contact regularly or reducing it, no court order can force him to take his children out for longer Sad

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 19/05/2015 21:26

... Or more often than what he wants.

Original poster
Mum4Fergus · 20/05/2015 09:31

Hmm I guess. Main issue is him not sticking to agreed plans. I work fulltime and when he does this it is impacting my ability to work. I perhaps need to look at getting some form of support in retainer...

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 20/05/2015 15:34

you give him one chance then you book a childminder. you cant rely on him for childcare when you work so you have to make other arrangements.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 20/05/2015 21:36

I agree about the childminder, is kinder on DS and please do not forget that that job you do is more sacred than contact because that's what puts a roof over DS' head.

My ex, was happy to cancel arrangements all the time, and he couldn't care less (he had a life to live, he said) but unfortunately, it had some serious consequences: i ended up loosing my job due to so many last minute requests for permission to leave to go and pickup DS when his dad didn't show up. This happened in the middle of the recession, so DS and I spent almost 18 months living hand to mouth and even sofa surfing for a few weeks on a occasion when the boiler died and I couldn't afford to replace it.

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