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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

He wants nothing to do with his own son.

15 replies

wheelsanddollbaby · 06/11/2006 19:22

My estranged husband has descended to new depths. He has been seeing his son regularly for the last six weeks. After one trip, my son said that he and his Daddy and a lady went out shopping. When I told my husband that I do not want our four year old to see him with another woman, he got angry. Saying that I 'pump or son' for information. He hasn't called for two weeks and today he told me that wants nothing more to do with me or his son and that we must never call him or contact him again. I do not want my son's Dad in his life one minute and out the next. Am I wrong to say that him meeting different women is confusing for him. My ex is a bully and it's his way or no way at all. Personally, I think that his girlfriend has told him that he is not to contact us or she will move out on him again. She has already told him that he has to divorce me or else. My son is innocent in all this. Do I just ignore him for good this time?

OP posts:

giraffeski · 06/11/2006 19:32

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giraffeski · 06/11/2006 19:33

Message withdrawn

winnie · 06/11/2006 19:36

wheelsanddollbaby, imho it it irresponsible of your x to be introducing ds to the new woman in his life at this early stage. (Have you only been apart for 6 weeks?) However, I don't think you can stop it unless your child is at risk. Your x doesn't have your childs best interests at heart that is obvious by his actions (not calling/seeing ds because you have dared to criticise his behaviour towards your ds.

My advice would be to see a solicitor and have a letter written to x formalising contact details, giving him the chance to respond etc.

Best of luck, how old is ds?

winnie · 06/11/2006 19:37

sorry you did say ds is 4

FioFio · 06/11/2006 19:39

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FioFio · 06/11/2006 19:39

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Original poster

wheelsanddollbaby · 06/11/2006 19:59

We have been separated on and off for 2 years now. My ex left me for a woman and denied until recently that they ever lived together. She called me once and told me that she has to look after my son as I am incapable of doing it. I was working at the time and my husband had my son for four days, as my childminder was on holiday. This woman has stolen my husband, she is NOT getting her paws on my son. My son has also said that the woman that his daddy was with recently was not the one he originally ran off with. Therefore I do not want my son to passed from one girlfriend to the next when he see's his Dad. I am sure I will find a new partner one day and when I do he will not meet my son until for some considerable time. At the end of the day, should I really let my husband take my son and introduce him to all and sundry when he has told me that he wants nothing to do with him and he was just a sperm doner. Yeah, sure he says nasty things when he is angry but I have been very kind in the past and it only gets thrown back in my face. I do not want to be on the news one day, saying that my husband has taken my son to Jamaica and I can't get him back.

OP posts:

maggiesmama · 06/11/2006 20:05

totally agree. i think i your ex should give your son his attention when they are together. and your son should not see a string of girlfreinds

am in a very similar situation, and i have said that unless my ex contacts my dd at least once a week, i will stop contact. i think that variable contact is really damaging - i think these children deserve to know their fathers think about them regularly. or at least not have to deal with them dropping in and out of their lives when they feel like it.

i'd agree. see as solic. go with your instincts.

gillybabys · 07/11/2006 22:26

i do agree wheels,

my dd is 2 an half, i havent met anyone, except the odd fling, because i put her first, i do not want to be a mum wwho introduces numerous uncles to he, i want her to have a stable upbringing, if it means my lifes on hold for a while, well so be it

chocabloc · 11/11/2006 00:39

GET HIM OUT OF UR LIFE WHEELS, HE THINKS HE CAN WALK IN AND OUT OF LIFE COS U ALLOW IT FOR UR SONS SAKE, BUT I BET A PART OF U IS STILL IN HOPE! SORRY MAYBE IM WRONG! Sorry bout the caps! I threw my ex out about a year ago, we have had a few phonecalls, one on xmas day, dnt know why i answerd and he had been coming in and out for a while! Your son wont be missing out on much by the sounds of it, if he is so brazen to say that to u then he's not worth it! And when his bit of fluff finds someone else, then he'll want another chance, NO Start again, itl be hard, but you can do it, be strong, and cry a bit more, and then have a drink, and then go out with ur m8s, and spend quality time with ur son! BULLYS WILL ALWAYS BE BULLYS IF U DONT STAND UP TO THEM AND SHOW WHOS IN CONTROL, CHANGE UR NUMBER, ETC! XX Hope something ive said helps!

chocabloc · 11/11/2006 00:42

and ur not wrong, its bitterness and most prob jealously wether u love him or not or ur with some1 ur self WHEELS AND IN REPLY TO GIRAFFE'S COMMENT!! I would like to be informed of who else is going to be in the presence of my son, esp another woman, its hurtful and it wouold show respect if she was informed! how many g/f has he introduced ur son to?

Original poster

wheelsanddollbaby · 11/11/2006 08:31

Hi chocabloc
I have no idea who he has introduced to my son. He won't tell me where he lives etc. I have spoken to the police, social workers etc and they all say he must not visit his Dad unless I have an address etc. His Dad says that he has equal rights and he should be able to do whatever he wants with his son and if I won't agree then he won't bother with him. Bullying again! He doesn't even know which school he goes to(hasn't asked and I'm not volunteering answers). He has two other kids in Jamaica, my son and another on the way. He has so many to pick and choose from why would it matter if he ditches one he still has three left. everyone tells me one day he will regret his behaviour big time and he will be begging our forgiveness but I don't see that happening. I am lucky my son is too young to understand what's going on. Sticking to my guns this time, hasn't seen or spoken to his son for 3weeks so his last chance has passed now.

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 11/11/2006 12:51

I wouldn't expect to know who my ex introduces the children to when he's with them. I can understand however why it's difficult if he's left you for someone else which was not my situation and also not fair on the child if the girl friend keeps changing and she is being made to do childcare the farther should be doing or paying someone trained to do.

My ex said he would kill himself if we divorced and then he said he'd go abroad and not see us so when he turned up the week afte rhe left to see the youngest for 2 hours it felt like a bonus although it seems like quite a pathetic contribution to family life (he never sees the older 3 who were all still at school when he left) and he doesn't pay anything. Some people just use children as pawns.

Obviously he has a right to see his son and in the presence of a girl friend so he could easily get a court order forcing that and also you can't force him ever to see his child. It is usually better for chidlren if they can see their parents so if the breach can be healed so much the better.

Original poster

wheelsanddollbaby · 12/11/2006 21:14

Hi Xenia, I sincerely hope my ex does not try to get visitation rights to see his son that enables him to be around his girlfriends. As far as I am concerned he left voluntarily for another woman and she has got her claws into my husband and she is not getting near my son. I have no idea who my ex is with now but(apart from me hee hee!) the company he keeps, male and female is very unsavoury. My ex has a bad history of violence and as a result the police referred my son to social services. He was assessed to be fine in my care, so as far as I am concerned if any court awards my ex visitation rights in any place other than a contact centre or with me present,then I will just up and disappear one day. I have waved the white flag for too long now and he just takes the p**s.As important as they claim a relationship is for the child and there absent parent, I am not having my son around any of the degenerates that my ex associates with judge or no judge. Incidentally,he has been calling me like a maniac today. I had my cellphone switched off for a while and when I turned it on I have 5 missed calls on that and the home phone. I am not calling him back. He told me that if he has cut me and our son out of his life, so I am just upholding his word. I have endured enough abuse and emotional blackmail from him, no more.

OP posts:

7up · 12/11/2006 21:27

doesnt sound like a very nice man to me and the more info youre providing as your messages go on he sounds even worse. personally i wouldnt want a son of mine to see him.

my first ds had very very limited contact with his father and it was so unpredictable and he had many girlfriends and was a pisshead. he let my ds down one too many times and i cut contact for my ds's sake,it was too upsetting for him. that was 4years ago, ds is now 12 and knows his father let him down and actually wrote that in his school project

but he does know that his father did have some good points (pointed out by me) and that when hes a young man if he wants too then i will take him to see him when hes old enough to cope with any letdowns. all very sad

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