Technically not a lone parent anymore but thought here would provide the best answers!
Dd is 4 and hasn't had contact with her dad since last July. Before that, contact was unreliable and sporadic-all the usual useless ex stuff. Minimal effort on his part, maximum effort on mine.
The last time he had her he returned her in an appalling state, she's not eaten, hadn't been changed after an accident etc etc and understandably she was very upset when she came back. This is the only memory of her dad she verbalises.
He has form for being unreliable and unstable- he officially left our family home when dd was 6 months old and was married with a baby on the way by then time she was 9 months old (they have since divorced and he has little contact with the now 3 year old dd from that relationship). His life is a constant stream of burying his head in the sand and making excuses- he's a typical pathetic excuse of a man.
HOWEVER, after 10 months of no contact he wrote to me demanding mediation as he feels his and dds rights to contact were not being upheld. I replied and agreed with him but refused to be held accountable for this and listed the previous opportunities he had had to contact where he had let dd down without notice.
He has now replied to this accepting responsibility but stating a list of demands including over night stays, alternate Christmases and special occasion and minimum twice weekly calls as well as a monthly letter outlining dds personal, academic and social progress. There are deadlines for when these need to begin.
Now I know how important dads are and I will never stop contact between them as long as dd is willing. But I am so bloody angry with him! Why is it all about him? Why is none of this effort on his part?
We now live 100 miles away, I am 6 months pregnant and a year into a degree, dd will be starting school in September. I don't have time for this shit!
Why can't he just fuck off? shes fine without him and she's got enough going on in her little head without throwing him into the mix? How can he expect overnight visits and Christmases when he contributes nothing? Why can he not see that she is a person with feelings and not just something he can demand? What happens when he lets her down again?
I'm thinking of replying and saying that I will allow a weekly phone call for the time being as long as dd is willing however any progress with go at her pace with her say so rather than to his deadlines? The first letter came on her birthday acompaying a birthday card. I read it to her and she got really upset by it. I think maybe a gentle introduction might be good for her but overnight visits are a step too far.
I dont know how to deal with him letting her down again. He's had so many 'last chances' and blown them. i feel like contact is the right thing but it's like leading a lamb to slaughter!
I'm a bit lost and overwhelmed