Just need an emotional rant

[2little2late2change4now]

I'm a total mess. My ex p left 10 weeks ago, I'm 18 weeks pregnant with a planned and wanted baby and we have dd who is 2.5, he's now with someone else who seems to come first before his children despite saying it's only been going on since he left. He blows hot and cold, one minute he wants to walk away from the children and all his responsibilities and the next he wants to out them first and for us to be friends - then ow obviously says something and he'll be back to being an indecisive arse again. I literally can't take anymore.
I don't want to be with him, yes I am gutted that we won't be a family but I deserve more than a lying cheat who left when we needed him most, who is crap with money and extremely selfish. But I am gutted for my children, I worry about being enough, how will I cope with a toddler and a newborn? What will their lives be like, will he continue to mess them around? Is no dad better than one who picks you up and drops you all the time? I don't understand how he can do this? There is no man on this planet who would come before my children and if he felt any guilt or remorse for dumping us then he wouldn't make it worse by not being there for his children?
To top it all off I went out the other evening just to a friends and did recycling in the way home and git attacked by a drunken hoody with a blunt piece of glass who cut me and tore my clothes. I actually cannot face any more drama and doubt anything would come of going to the police so I've just left it, I'm sort of pretending it didn't happen but it'll doubtless come back to haunt me.
No one I know who has been through this is telling me it gets easier, I still see the children 5 years on crying for their dads x

You will cope fine, I did when my twins father left me during a planned pregnancy (obvs twins wasn't planned!). You'll cope because you have to. Be truthful to the kids in an age appropriate way.

I'm so sorry you were attacked, it's probably worth phoning the police as they may put an increased presence around so it may prevent it happening to anyone else. Or they may have already have other reports and know who it is.

Thank you. I know I'm not the only person and life could be far far worse and I need to get a grip, it just all hurts too much.
Any practical tips? Dd is potty trained and in a bed so those 2 hurdles are done, we have some nursery, 1.5 days, enough money ish.

Not really, everyone has their own rhythm and you'll find yours once the new one makes their new way into your life and love. Just one day at a time. I know it stinks, and hurts like hell to be frank. But all these years on I am so thankful he left when he did really. Would of given us a hell of a life I think had he not.

sounds like you're much better off without him so make sure he's not going to make the situation much more complex when you have a newborn in tow.

You will need all your strength to look after the newborn and a problematic ex on top will make things much worse!! So sort your emotional stuff as far as you can now and put whatever distance you need to between you and your ex and try to get as strong as you can as you will need it. I hope you have a support network you can fall back on.

Use your time now to plan ahead and do practical stuff to support yourself and your DD. Also sounds like you could do with some counselling and professional support. If it's in place now you can lean on it when your newborn is around too.

The being attacked sounds horrific - hope you manage to get some support for that and don't be afraid of reporting it. It does sound like drama to deal with it but something that needs to be done so get it done and it will help you feel better.

x

Thank you. Totally agree with the not needing a problematic ex on top of a newborn. I'm going to see how the next few weeks pan out and whether he can stick to contact and be civil and consistent for dd. he's due to take the rest of his things in the next couple of weeks and if after then he decides to totally walk away I shall not be convincing him to be a dad as I have been and I'll let him walk and we will get on with things.
I do have a support network of a few friends but my family are quite a way. We have a practical modern house though and I am normally quite organised. I was on my own with dd from birth until she was 10 months and we had a great time - why did I ever go back? So stupid!

I'm glad he's left when he has, the children will never remember it being any different and if he'd done it when they were older it would've been so much worse for them. I hate being on benefits but it's not forever and I will pick up my degree with the open uni again next year and hopefully become a teacher and be paying back into the system.

don't know if this helps but I went throught he same with my baby's dad however when he was born we got back together however he has now gone again. It's surprising how well you will cope with newborn and a 2yo mine are 2 & 1/2 and a 6month old now and my eldest is so helpful and amazing it makes it easier as well. you get into a routine and it's fine. I didn't think I could handle it or even survive without my ex but he was so selfish and never helped at all i realised i was doing it all alone anyway it will be hard and I got angry that I'm alone but then you think you get all the kisses and bedtime cuddles to yourself and less stress in your life I hope that helps xx

Thank you. Dd and I are so close and I know all her little quirks and he is missing out on everything, I plan a brilliant summer for us before we become 3. One thing is for sure, I will never take him back, I could choose to put myself through this again if i wanted but not my children, I went back once and I'll never do it again. He's a very unstable person and that is no good for me or children. More fool this new woman if she thinks he can give her a life!