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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Not one of the great ones

17 replies

AmIthatHot · 18/04/2015 00:51

I was pondering this

Lots of men, when asked, say that their OHs are wonderful, they are the most fantastic women they have ever met, they are the nicest, most caring, etc.

That got me wondering. I was at a concert recently. There were a few single sex groups and pairs, but the overwhelming majority were couples.

So, that got me thinking, I must be not nearly as nice as all these women who had turned up with their partners.

Because the partners would all probably say the usual "why does she put up with me, ha ha" or "she is the best thing in my life" , etc.

It was a sobering thought for me. I must have done something seriously wrong in my life, sometime, to have been on my own for so long.

Clearly no-one thinks I am lovely, fantastic, a brilliant mum, etc,

Hard to consider. And I don't believe, for one minute, that all these couples are in trouble, which seems to be a stock answer

Not needing a reply, just needing to dump my thoughts

it's hard being on your own

OP posts:

KatharineClifton · 18/04/2015 01:01

Embrace it - you can believe you are 'lovely, fantastic, a brilliant mum, etc,' and that is all you really need. I love being single, just cba with the faff that goes with a relationship. I know there are often good things to go with the faff, but not much I can't do myself really. I may feel quite differently once the kids leave home - but then I really like he company of my dogs so may feel exactly the same. Hope so

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 18/04/2015 01:08

Thanks for the response Katharine and you are dead right.

I usually do embrace it and me and DD have a fine old time together.

This particular event pulled me up short though. I just wondered what all these women had that I don't.

Plus I had a nice bottle of prosecco chilling tonight and I couldn't open it. it took me about 20 minutes to prise the cork out, and a very red and sore hand. It's moments like that where I do think - I wish I had someone to do that for me.

OP posts:

KatharineClifton · 18/04/2015 01:14

I hear you! I bet it was bloody lovely when you finally got to pour a glass! Make sure you buy a screw cap next time ;) It can be very hard doing everything and making all the decisions. And very lovely having the whole bed to myself (when my giant teens don't decide to get in for a 'chat' late at night).

KatharineClifton · 18/04/2015 01:15

That wasn't very clear - 'chat' meaning giant moan about all their teenage angstiness.

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 18/04/2015 01:39

OP posts:

NataliaBaker · 18/04/2015 11:12

Well, they aren't likely to do any moaning about their wife in front of her

Flissity83 · 18/04/2015 11:16

I always think people who feel the need to publicly gush about how wonderful their life or relationship is, it actually isn't and it's all a facade. Take FB for example.

The grass is always greener. I sometimes wish I was a lone parent...

Anarcala · 18/04/2015 23:27

Look at it this way, their partners can be absolutely wonderful people...but it doesn't always mean that they are which is why they get dumped and those lovely folks move on to better things ;)

Lonecatwithkitten · 19/04/2015 08:49

I always think some of those women are fools for putting up with the men. Personally I am much better off without his selfish, alcoholic, philandering ways. Remember you only see the public side not what goes on behind closed doors!

PurpleWithRed · 19/04/2015 08:51

xdh used to think I was one of the fantastic, wonderful, great ones. He doesn't any more. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

OccamsLadyshave · 19/04/2015 09:01

You need a junior hacksaw, a tea towel and a corkscrew!

Bottle on its side and saw the visible bit of cork off, then open bottle with corkscrew in usual way but with tea towel over the top and gripped firmly in case it goes with a pop. Aim it away from you.

No. 1 survival kit of the single woman!

IfMaybeBut · 19/04/2015 09:08

I went to a party recently where I was the only single person there. All those couples cosied up and me On. My. Own.

Did I feel it? Yes came home and felt utter worthless shit. Then I met up with one of the couples in the pub and watched this lovely woman be laid into by her husband. It was a constant stream of put downs, then he started on the eldest teenager....constant put downs. The youngest teen sat in silence. It was as if a cruel dictator had joined us.

Having envied them at this party I suddenly realised its not all fab. My DD passed comment on the way home and we chatted it over. She is loved, bolstered, boosted, and given confidence and faith in herself. The though of being with anyone who took that away made me vow to stay single!!!!!

ScrambedEggAndToast · 19/04/2015 09:11

I often think along the same lines as you OP. I have been divorced since 2008 and in that time my longest relationship has been one for 16 months. I have had a couple of shorter ones (8 months and 3 months) Of those 3 relationships I was dumped twice and I finished with one of them (looking back probably the nicest one but I was so soon out of my marriage I wasn't ready for a long term commitment).

I also think, "what's wrong with me?" And wonder what other women have got that I haven't.

I definitely sympathise. No real solutions I'm afraid although as is often said, many couples put up the facade of being really happy but aren't at all.

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 19/04/2015 14:58

Scrambled Yes, thank you.

I know not all couples are really happy, but the majority of the ones I know actually are.

Flissity. If you wish it, then do it. I wish I wasn't, but I don't have the choice, unfortunately.

DD and I have lounged about all day, suiting ourselves, so yes there are some definite upsides.

OP posts:

Flowerpower41 · 28/04/2015 03:34

I think it is certainly true that many people who rave on facebook about their partners are only trying to kid themselves. I know one couple in particular where this is not the case, her partner eyes up other women all the time and would jump at the chance to have sex with someone else, that is if he hasn't already done so!

A great deal of relationships is about compromise and making do and I certainly believe that behind closed doors only about half of them are truly happy with each other. I believe many people are just there for the emotional and financial security not because of true love or soulmate etc.

NoToast · 28/04/2015 22:15

I do know what you mean. I am always the single one putting on a good face. Weddings, parties, meeting up with friends.

People 'can't believe I am still single' but I have been for the last 13 years (except for a short blip when DD came about).

I have another single friend and I feel pretty sure she will never meet anyone either despite being a great catch.

Flowerpower41 · 29/04/2015 03:32

How come you don't meet anyone NoToast? I do meet single men from time to time in fact I know one whom I have an on off relationship with. I met him through a spiritual group.

What about your friend too? Does she go out and circulate?

I know there is a theory you can meet a potential boyfriend at the supermarket but it certainly has never happened to me!

My main bugbear is a sheer lack of single parent women of a weekend as they are too bogged down with their local families where I live and don't embrace outsiders. My main single parent friend left 2 years ago and I can't find a fellow outsider to hang out with. That would really help and is nearly as important as finding a nice bloke.

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